Neighbour problems

sunshine_1988

Hi OP

I do sympathise with your situation as we moved house due to a noisy neighbour who had a music issue!!

My 3year old nephew has severe autism, my sister is very very aware of what people may think of him as he regularly will scream and wave his arms around if she takes him out. My sister is so conscious of this that it puts her off doing things with us as people will stare at him and assume he is naughty or she cannot control him, she has had people make comments to her about controlling him etc. One of his favourite things to do is watch the washing machine spin, or the CD player go round, he also likes to just sit and spin a ball on the floor - things which my 2year old wouldnt do for 5 seconds but he will sit for literally hours doing that if you let him.

Yes, your situation sounds concerning if he is throwing rocks and is not being supervised. Chances are the HV will advise you to raise a refferal if you think he is not safe or not being supervised.

I think the fence and trees are a good idea, however, might it be worth trying again with his mum? Perhaps invite them round for an informal drink with him? Maybe if he got to know you he would be a little less curious when he sees you?

Im not judging you at all, but I know my sister can get quite defensive when people ask about her son. Maybe this mum is a little depressed and just needs a friend. Perhaps it may put your mind at rest about him if you found a little bit more out about them.

Vicky123

Morrismorris wrote: »

I was going to ask the HV opinion, I don't want to go all guns blazing contacting social services.
Maybe she manages fine and just doesn't want to stop him throwing rocks.
Maybe she is fed up with people complaining, although none of the neighbours I gave spoken to have mentioned it, and one neighbour likes a whine about cats so I would expect it from her.

Do you really think it's possible that she doesn't want him to stop throwing rocks? She probably needs to find something else for him to do, the trouble is having a disabled child doesn't mean you necessarily have the skills to work through challenging behaviour, they are both isolated by the sounds of things and if it were me speaking to the HV I would say how dreadful it is that the young lad and his mother appear to be left to cope on their own, that would probably bring a different answer than asking her opinion of specific behaviours that are annoying to you.

jaylee3

Maybe the little guy was throwing hand grenades too. The OP didn't remember the rock-throwing til page 3, so maybe there's other stuff he has 'forgotten.'

Georgiegirl256

For what it's worth OP, I feel for you, it must be an awkward situation to be in, and the only thing you can do is what's been suggested regarding the fence, trees etc. Unless the kids look to be neglected, look uncared for, look to be unclean and unloved in general, then I would personally stay well clear of informing anyone in authority.

Not picking apart your post (before you say that I am), but I too noticed that you didn't mention the rock throwing until a few posts in. I feel if you had mentioned it from the beginning, then the replies would have been a lot more sensitive to your plight. As much as the shouting etc would be possibly hard to deal with, my comment from before still stands (as much as you're allowed in your garden, so are they, and there isn't much you can do about it), but the rock throwing is a biggy IMO. Especially as you have young kids yourself..,,but even if you didn't, that is just not on, and someone could be seriously injured. I am well aware that the child possibly can't help it, but the parents really need to do something about that.

I hope you manage to get something sorted out soon.

pollypenny

I have great sympathy with you, OP, and you certainly do not deserve these snide comments!

A fence is a matter of urgency. However, I would also speak to your HV, as she may well have an informal link to SS and could possibly alert them to any problem.

I can partly understand the mother's attitude she is probably at her wit's end. But it's surely not right for any child to be out in the garden alone, and seeming bored, for hours.

Good luck.

Morrismorris

Health visitor has not long left, she saw herself what I'm talking about as the neighbours son has been in the garden banging some sort of metal bin since 7.15 this morning. (Hubby wants to kill his mother now, as he was on lates last night... )
She did say it could be that he wants to be outdoors, and didn't say much tbh, but it wouldn't expect her too, confidentiality and that sort of thing.
She asked how long he is in the garden, and agreed the rock throwing along with the window banging doesn't sound great (he could hurt himself)

She asked if I knew the address but other than that we talked about my children.


To all those suggesting I don't know what it is like to have to care for a disabled child, I do. As I stated 2 of my children have disability and although this was dismissed as in someway not as challenging as having an autistic child by some. Believe me, I know that it can get to you, you get tired ( I had 2 hours sleep due you daughters muscle spasms last night) in my book however, that doesn't excuse everything and mean you can sit back. His mother could move the rocks, or go outside with him. On the very few occasions his dad has been out with him, he doesn't shout and scream.


I should have mentioned the rock throwing in opening post maybe, but I would like to say, that's not everyday, really I mentioned it due to his mothers reaction to it, ie watch your kids more closely then so he doesn't hit them, I found that rude.

Gordon_Hose

Accidentally kick over a couple of plastic footballs, might occupy him enough to not throw stones.

I wouldn't be at all happy with the stone throwing. And if it started getting dangerous, I'd be on the phone to the Police.

The noise, nothing much you can do about that and you've put a new fence up. You can;t stop him banging on his own window, that's up to his Mother to deal with, and if she's not willing to do anything then you'll have to get used to it, unfortunately.

Noctu

Morrismorris wrote: »

Health visitor has not long left, she saw herself what I'm talking about as the neighbours son has been in the garden banging some sort of metal bin since 7.15 this morning. (Hubby wants to kill his mother now, as he was on lates last night... )
She did say it could be that he wants to be outdoors, and didn't say much tbh, but it wouldn't expect her too, confidentiality and that sort of thing.
She asked how long he is in the garden, and agreed the rock throwing along with the window banging doesn't sound great (he could hurt himself)

She asked if I knew the address but other than that we talked about my children.


To all those suggesting I don't know what it is like to have to care for a disabled child, I do. As I stated 2 of my children have disability and although this was dismissed as in someway not as challenging as having an autistic child by some. Believe me, I know that it can get to you, you get tired ( I had 2 hours sleep due you daughters muscle spasms last night) in my book however, that doesn't excuse everything and mean you can sit back. His mother could move the rocks, or go outside with him. On the very few occasions his dad has been out with him, he doesn't shout and scream.


I should have mentioned the rock throwing in opening post maybe, but I would like to say, that's not everyday, really I mentioned it due to his mothers reaction to it, ie watch your kids more closely then so he doesn't hit them, I found that rude.

As you will know, your HV has a duty of care under safeguarding law and may make a referral herself to Social Services if she feels there is a need to. Hopefully more support and input from SS with this family might improve the situation.

Mojisola

Noctu wrote: »

Hopefully more support and input from SS with this family might improve the situation.

In most areas there is a serious lack of support for children with disabilities - on-going help and respite care.

People who would never get a job looking after disabled children have no choice but to become full-time carers if their own child is disabled. Most parents rise to all the challenges and fight to help their child through life but others don't or can't. Some disabled children have inadequate parents and their lives can be miserable as a result.

While this lad may be getting the best care he can, it could also be that his parents are floundering. Morrismorris - I'm glad you spoke to the HV about him.

Bennifred

On a practical note for your husband - has he tried noise-cancelling headphones when he is trying to sleep after night shifts? Worth their weight in gold (although they do cost almost that for good ones, lol!).