Neighbour problems

Noctu

Bennifred wrote: »

On a practical note for your husband - has he tried noise-cancelling headphones when he is trying to sleep after night shifts? Worth their weight in gold (although they do cost almost that for good ones, lol!).

Noise cancelling headphones only cancel out consistent ambient sounds like buzzing or engine sounds, not children's screams - spent a LOT of money on a very decent pair of noise cancelling headphones in a similar noise situation to find this out!!!

I now use earplugs and they do the job very well, particularly combined with a white noise machine (or white noise playing through phone speakers)

belfastgirl23

duchy wrote: »

You'd be surprised - Certain disabilities find reassurance in certain repetitive actions like a swing......and if autism is involved -they aren't interested in interaction.

Just because it isn't YOUR idea of fun doesn't mean it isn't for this particular child.

The Mum has probably had to deal with parents who have the same kind of ideas that you have and has learned to avoid a certain type of parent - which she perceives you to be -possibly by the way she's seen you react to her child or because she fears you will complain to her and she'd prefer to not add confrontation to her already difficult life. It can be very isolating to be the parent of a child with behavour disabilities. You learn early on most parents are like you OP and don't "Get it"

I think a fence is a good idea....... for both of you. Maybe in time you will become aquainted but for now with your attitude and her disinclination the fence will probably help you both.

I'm really glad you weren't my neighbour when my son was growing up Belfastgirl although perhaps once I'd subjected you to an enforced lecture on what autism is and why autistic kids do certain things you wouldn't be quite so quick to decide I was a crepe parent !

I take your point. But I would prefer to ask the question and take the flack for interfering rather than leave a child in a potentially vulnerable or dangerous position. For example add in the fact that the parent could be drug or alcohol addicted. The OP does not know if this is the case. Nor do you, nor do I. You are presuming that the issue is the child's disability. A disabled child is just as likely to have a crap parent as any other child. And yes of course we can always fence the issue off and ignore it but tbh if there is a chance it's a parenting issue then I would not rest easy with that solution. The neighbour had a chance to give the lecture (or indeed to even acknowledge there was an issue) and she didn't. I think you are seeing this through the eyes of a good parent but not all parents are good unfortunately.

Noctu

I guess, playing devil's advocate (sort of) here... the child might not actually be disabled - assuming this is a non-physical disability we're talking about here - and might just be a little *bleep* who has been dragged up by his parents, acting out in this way as a consequence of his upbringing?

Damien_1138

Did you ask the previous owners if there were any problems with the neighbours ?

This should be one of the key questions you ask when viewing a property.

Did you actually walk into the back garden when viewing the property ? If not why ?, were you discouraged somehow ?

When selling a property it is necessary to complete a Seller’s Property Information Form. This requires the seller to highlight any previous or current disputes with neighbouring properties, it also questions whether the seller knows of any issues that could lead to a dispute?


'If you’ve bought a property in the belief that there were no problems, and you’ve moved in to discover the neighbour from hell, what can you do? After all, even if you can live with the issue, you could be hurt financially in the future. One option is to pursue the vendor for financial compensation, to reflect the loss you will make should you sell. However, if you can’t bear to live in the house as a result of the problem, the solution becomes trickier. It might be possible to sell the property on and sue for the difference. You would need to demonstrate that because of the problem, you wouldn’t have purchased the house. Then you could pursue the vendors for the additional costs as well as the reduction in value.'

Morrismorris

Of course, I enquired about the neighbours, they didn't say there were any issues, they told us which neighbours had children (including the neighbour in question) and they told us her child was disabled. They didn't mention the noise, but then they had 6 kids, they prob couldn't hear over the noise of their own children

Well it's raining outside quite heavily and cold enough that you would need a coat, he is out there is a tshirt.
I know, before anyone says, maybe he won't wear a coat, maybe his mother can't get him to keep one on, but I'm sorry it can't be good for you being out there with a tshirt on. But then I'm judging on how I would dress my brood. I just feel for him.

harrys_dad

Morrismorris wrote: »

I hardly think I'm intolerant. For the past 2 months, since we have been using the garden. Every single day without fail I have rocks thrown at us, someone shouting at the top of their lungs for hours on end hello hello and then banging on windows..for hours a t a time.

I have said nothing I have spoken to the child and told my children to be nice and speak. It makes no difference. Today I have gone round and practically had the door closed in my face and told to watch my children better because she can't move some rocks or discuss anything it would seem

If that's being intolerant I would hate to think what your idea of tolerant is.

I have just started reading this thread and I have to say OP you appear incredibly reasonable and understanding to me. You have been non-judgemental (in my view anyway), constructive, and tried to offer solutions. If everyone approached neighbour issues like you things would be much better.

I am sorry your efforts have been rebuffed, but you tried hard, and now need to find a different, "defensive" type solution, fence, trees etc.

Morrismorris

Damien_1138 wrote: »

Did you ask the previous owners if there were any problems with the neighbours ?

This should be one of the key questions you ask when viewing a property.

Did you actually walk into the back garden when viewing the property ? If not why ?, were you discouraged somehow ?

When selling a property it is necessary to complete a Seller’s Property Information Form. This requires the seller to highlight any previous or current disputes with neighbouring properties, it also questions whether the seller knows of any issues that could lead to a dispute?


'If you’ve bought a property in the belief that there were no problems, and you’ve moved in to discover the neighbour from hell, what can you do? After all, even if you can live with the issue, you could be hurt financially in the future. One option is to pursue the vendor for financial compensation, to reflect the loss you will make should you sell. However, if you can’t bear to live in the house as a result of the problem, the solution becomes trickier. It might be possible to sell the property on and sue for the difference. You would need to demonstrate that because of the problem, you wouldn’t have purchased the house. Then you could pursue the vendors for the additional costs as well as the reduction in value.'

We got the house for £30000 under the home report value. That should have been my warning bell, but the man we purchased from had just lost his job, so I assumed they wanted a quick sale.
On a brighter note the neighbour on my left says the woman in question rents her property and is looking for somewhere more suitable. As awful as at sounds, it would be brilliant for me. Although of course, no guarantees I won't get worse neighbours.

Next house I buy shall be on an island. A uninhabited island.

harrys_dad

duchy wrote: »

You'd be surprised - Certain disabilities find reassurance in certain repetitive actions like a swing......and if autism is involved -they aren't interested in interaction.

Just because it isn't YOUR idea of fun doesn't mean it isn't for this particular child.

The Mum has probably had to deal with parents who have the same kind of ideas that you have and has learned to avoid a certain type of parent - which she perceives you to be -possibly by the way she's seen you react to her child or because she fears you will complain to her and she'd prefer to not add confrontation to her already difficult life. It can be very isolating to be the parent of a child with behavour disabilities. You learn early on most parents are like you OP and don't "Get it"

I think a fence is a good idea....... for both of you. Maybe in time you will become aquainted but for now with your attitude and her disinclination the fence will probably help you both.

I'm really glad you weren't my neighbour when my son was growing up Belfastgirl although perhaps once I'd subjected you to an enforced lecture on what autism is and why autistic kids do certain things you wouldn't be quite so quick to decide I was a crepe parent !

Wow, what a judgemental post. My nephew is autistic, and is now 33. My brother (his father) would never take such an aggressive attitude and blame others for their lack of understanding. Does your post do anything to advance the cause of understanding Autism or does it just reinforce stereotypes, leading to further isolation and ignorance?

IrishRose12

Can I just ask seeing as it has been brought up quite a few times on here, how do we know this child is un-supervised??? Just because his mum isn't in the garden with him doesn't mean she's not keeping an eye on him.

Again as my post about my neighbour's son who is severely autistic. He sits out in the garden for hours on end, but that doesn't mean he's un-supervised His mum and dad (and sometimes myself) keep an eye on him through the window.
Also regarding last night out in the rain with no coat. The wee boy next door to me refuses point blank to wear a coat, it's thought it might be that he thinks he's somewhat restrained. Even in the snow he won't wear a coat.

I have to say the more I read about the OP's neighbour the more I'm convinced this poor wee fella suffers from Autism.

I understand that your child suffers from Cerebral Palsy OP, but that is a very different condition to Autism. I've worked with both conditions, both sever cases and non-severe, but Autism is a very complex, conflicting and confusing condition, and it's not as easy to just "teach" them manners and how to behave as has been suggested on here.

I'd also be very concerned about the advice to phone Social Services regarding the mother, no offence no-one - not even the OP- knows exactly what is going on, what help they may or may not be getting, and before going down that road I would think very hard about what I know and what proof I have before jumping on that bandwagon.

slightlyconfused1

I sympathise with the op regarding the noise but I would be more concerned about the young boy and his mum.

I think I would contact social services. It may be that the child is OK but what if he's not? It may be that the mum is fine or she may need support.

I am sure if you speak to ss and explain the situation as you have here, not accusing but just outlining your concerns then they will be able to check with his doctor, health visitor etc that everything is OK.

I have no experience of social services but I don't think it is a negative thing to speak to them about genuine concerns. I dont think I would regret raising my concerns even if I was told I was completely in the wrong but I would be terrified to keep my concerns to myself in case I was right to be worried.