Neighbour problems

Morrismorris

Hi, after some advice as husband and I are at loggerheads over this. We recently moved into our dream house, or so I thought, it had everything we wanted, especially a nice big garden. However, the neighbours across the way look out onto our decking area, no problem there apart from with their child.
He has some sort of disability which makes the situation more delicate I suppose. Every time we are in the garden and he is in his he shouts through the fence, we spoke back, he only shouts hello, and when I say shouts I mean screams. That's it. Hello hello hello every 2 seconds, whether you engage or not, this goes on until we go back indoors. If we are out there and he isn't he bangs on the upstairs window at us, properly bangs the window, I'm worried he might hurt himself at some stages he hitting it so hard.

Now I understand he has a disability and I'm happy to say hello, but to have someone screaming at you constantly is more than annoying, my youngest child is terrified and won't go outdoors.

I'm dreading summer, I think I could go have a word with his parents but husband thinks there's not much they can do.

Any ideas...? I know this sounds awful, and I feel awful, I know neither his parents or him are being malicious but at the same time surely I should be able to enjoy my own garden.

thorsoak

I do not intend to legitimise this thread by responding other than to observe that this is a newbie posting on a very sensitive subject which appears to pop up every spring ....always posted by a newbie.

Sitting on my hands from this point on.

Morrismorris

thorsoak wrote: »

I do not intend to legitimise this thread by responding other than to observe that this is a newbie posting on a very sensitive subject which appears to pop up every spring ....always posted by a newbie.

Sitting on my hands from this point on.

I'm sorry you feel that way. It's a genuine question. If it's not allowed on these boards maybe it can be removed.

WestonDave

As you say probably not much you can do - might be worth a conversation with the parents along the lines of "We've noticed that if we are out in the garden X seems to get quite agitated - is there a way we should respond to help calm him?" That way they are aware its an issue but in a more constructive way that if you simply asked them to "keep him under control".


It may be that if you were introduced to the child so he knows who you are he may be less interested in "strangers" in next doors garden - he may for example not understand that the previous owners that he knew have gone and that you are living there now. Its also potentially a good learning point for your children to have contact with someone with disabilities and to realise that although its different behaviour its not necessarily something to be afraid of. Time may also be a "healer" in that as you live there longer and your presence is less of a novelty he loses interest.

Morrismorris

WestonDave wrote: »

As you say probably not much you can do - might be worth a conversation with the parents along the lines of "We've noticed that if we are out in the garden X seems to get quite agitated - is there a way we should respond to help calm him?" That way they are aware its an issue but in a more constructive way that if you simply asked them to "keep him under control".


It may be that if you were introduced to the child so he knows who you are he may be less interested in "strangers" in next doors garden - he may for example not understand that the previous owners that he knew have gone and that you are living there now. Its also potentially a good learning point for your children to have contact with someone with disabilities and to realise that although its different behaviour its not necessarily something to be afraid of. Time may also be a "healer" in that as you live there longer and your presence is less of a novelty he loses interest.

Good idea, as I say I do say hello and my 2 older children do too but other than that nothing seems to work. My youngest is only 2, and it's the level of noise of the shouting that scares her, not the child I think. I have tried to say hello to who I assume is his mother but she doesn't respond. He can be outside for hours at a time and I don't see anyone with him so it's a difficult situation.

Obviously I don't want to cause an atmosphere or a situation and I know it's no one fault.

CH27

WestonDave makes some good points.

I would be looking to put lots of thick, tall, plants in front of the fence to muffle the noise as well.

Morrismorris

CH27 wrote: »

WestonDave makes some good points.

I would be looking to put lots of thick, tall, plants in front of the fence to muffle the noise as well.

I'm getting a new fence put up and might put some shrubs up, as well as reed screening. Won't solve the issue of him banging on the windows though. Looks like I might need to go round introduce myself and subtly see if there's anything I can do to make the situation better for everyone.

AnnieO1234

Large hedge or plants, even Leyland Cypress if it's that bad. I do think a PPs suggestion of approaching parents and see if tree is a way around it might work, but you have to be delicate. Do any other neighbours adjoin their garden that you could perhaps talk to in confidence?

It would be good for your kids to meet with him, it will be a learning experience and prove they've not got to be scared just because someone is different to them.

Good luck! Xxx

Morrismorris

AnnieO1234 wrote: »

Large hedge or plants, even Leyland Cypress if it's that bad. I do think a PPs suggestion of approaching parents and see if tree is a way around it might work, but you have to be delicate. Do any other neighbours adjoin their garden that you could perhaps talk to in confidence?

It would be good for your kids to meet with him, it will be a learning experience and prove they've not got to be scared just because someone is different to them.

Good luck! Xxx

There is one more neighbour with an adjoining garden but they have a tiny garden so just use it for drying washing, she did mention that the neighbours in question don't speak to anyone, and I did say hello a few times when I have seen her but she just blanks me. It's difficult to explain to my 2 year old, she just hates the noise.

j.e.j.

Morrismorris wrote: »

Hi, after some advice as husband and I are at loggerheads over this. We recently moved into our dream house, or so I thought, it had everything we wanted, especially a nice big garden. However, the neighbours across the way look out onto our decking area, no problem there apart from with their child.
He has some sort of disability which makes the situation more delicate I suppose. Every time we are in the garden and he is in his he shouts through the fence, we spoke back, he only shouts hello, and when I say shouts I mean screams. That's it. Hello hello hello every 2 seconds, whether you engage or not, this goes on until we go back indoors. If we are out there and he isn't he bangs on the upstairs window at us, properly bangs the window, I'm worried he might hurt himself at some stages he hitting it so hard.

Now I understand he has a disability and I'm happy to say hello, but to have someone screaming at you constantly is more than annoying, my youngest child is terrified and won't go outdoors.

I'm dreading summer, I think I could go have a word with his parents but husband thinks there's not much they can do.

Any ideas...? I know this sounds awful, and I feel awful, I know neither his parents or him are being malicious but at the same time surely I should be able to enjoy my own garden.

I doubt there's much you can do except maybe have a tactful word with the child's parents?

BitterAndTwisted

It's possible that she's been blanking you because she fears that you'll try to tackle her in an unsympathetic manner. Perhaps in the same way previous neighbours have.

If you find his behaviour difficult just imagine what it must be like to have to deal with it 24/7