Neighbour problems

surveyqueenuk

Misty_Blue wrote: »

OP, just be aware that once you dare to utter the words "disabled child" on here in terms anything less than 100% glowing with love and admiration, there will be some people just waiting to twist every little thing that you say to try and make you out some kind of unfeeling monster.


For what it's worth, I think you sound totally reasonable and considerate for the other family's feelings. Going around to mention the fence and say hello seems a great idea, as does the suggestion by a previous poster that you gently ask if there is a good way to respond to the child to stop him getting so agitated.

I agree, think some responses would be very different if it was just a "child" banging!

Morrismorris

Well I went round on way back from school.
Long story short, put up fence if you like, don't expect us to pay for it. I mentioned her son shouting saying hello, I asked if there was a way we could chat to him that would not upset him as sometimes he seems a bit agitated, her response was not really just ignore him if he keeps on.
Also mentioned the rocks he's throwing over, as some have been big and they land on my decking, tried to say it as nicely as possible, explaining I have 3 kids, 2 under 6 and wouldn't want them hit by a rock. She said oh well maybe keep an eye on them when you let them out.
A bit of a cheek really but I don't think she wanted to have any kind of conversation with me, I introduced myself and I still don't know her name.

Ah well. I tried. Fence and plants it is.

DKLS

Fence plants and also look for outside speakers, personally I would be moving as I couldn't tolerate that kind of noise intrusion.

Morrismorris

DKLS wrote: »

Fence plants and also look for outside speakers, personally I would be moving as I couldn't tolerate that kind of noise intrusion.

We only moved in beginning of December, my husband would kill me if I told him I wanted to move.

I will just have to hope the fence and my own childrens noise drowns out his. ( although I don't like my kids making too much noise incase we disturb other people)

If I knew about this I would never have bought the house

The kids were outside half hour ago and he started throwing rocks over shouting again. Hey just decided to come inside. Shame really as it's a lovely day

dandelionclock30

I would seriously think about moving because if the neighbours child has a severe disability theres not much she can do about it in reality.
Its like when I was on the bus and a man with learning disabilities and special helmet started headbutting the back of my seat. The carer tried to stop him but it didnt work and I had to move seats.
Its the same type of thing, she cant keep him in 24/7, just look at it from her point of view as well. I can see yours and you can only see how it goes. If after the summer its been really bad I would put the house up for sale.

IrishRose12

Morrismorris wrote: »

I have no clue what it must be like to live with 24 hours, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy my own property. I know that sounds mean but it's unbearable. And it can't be much fun for their son being outside for 4/5 hours at a time, in a concrete yard with a swing.

Morrismorris wrote: »

No it's not. It's my opinion. A child out rain or shine for hours on end with no interaction can't be much fun.

That's a big judgement you're making there. You can't know what that child enjoys or doesn't. My next door neighbour has an Autistic son and he doesn't talk at all, but he does make sounds etc. But he spends near enough every waking hour he possibly can outside in the garden. Sometimes he will sit in the corner of the garden against the wall and do nothing, sometimes he will sit in the middle of the garden and look around him,(mummy thinks that he enjoys listening to the different sounds) sometimes he lies on the ground and loves watching the clouds. Parents ended up having to get a see through plastic kind of roof over their back yard as he wanted to be outside in the rain also and got very agitated when they wouldn't let him, so now he has an outside space and he loves lying on the floor listening to the rain.

We also have a wee boy up the street a bit and he is down's syndrome. A few of us have had to speak to his parents as he used to walk into your house without knocking, went and lifted food etc then left again. He used to scare my own children, so one day I had to tell him he couldn't come in and had to go home. But that was different as he knew what he was doing TBH. He hasn't came back since. But when he sees me on the street he calls me cheeky. I went down and spoke to his parents, just explained to them that I don't mind him coming to visit, but they can't expect us to allow him to just walk into the house and eat anything he wants. And as he got older he started to become a bit violent when my kids wouldn't let him in, so I had to put my foot down. His parents were so apologetic, but I told them I understood and I didn't blame them, he was welcome to visit, maybe even when my eldest 2 are at school, they could suggest to him to come up and visit me, but he has taken a dislike to us now lol. I have a lot of time for children with disabilities, I have worked with them in the past and have more patience for them sometimes.

Morrismorris wrote: »

Well I went round on way back from school.
Long story short, put up fence if you like, don't expect us to pay for it. I mentioned her son shouting saying hello, I asked if there was a way we could chat to him that would not upset him as sometimes he seems a bit agitated, her response was not really just ignore him if he keeps on.
Also mentioned the rocks he's throwing over, as some have been big and they land on my decking, tried to say it as nicely as possible, explaining I have 3 kids, 2 under 6 and wouldn't want them hit by a rock. She said oh well maybe keep an eye on them when you let them out.
A bit of a cheek really but I don't think she wanted to have any kind of conversation with me, I introduced myself and I still don't know her name.

Maybe she is embarrassed??? I'm not making excuses for her but I know a lot of parents sometimes are embarrassed not of their children, just that other people find their children annoying. I know when I first moved into my house, my neighbour wouldn't look at me or my OH, didn't lift her head etc for a good year, and that was only when I started up a conversation with her when she was out in the garden with her wee boy one day. I just asked her how old he was, how old her daughter was (turns out her and my daughter are the same age) and made small talk. I then started to invite her daughter in to play with us as she always looked shy, and then if we were going to the park or even the shop I would have invited her along too. It took a while but her and her mum eventually started to feel comfortable and now we're all the best of friends lol. She admitted that she just liked to keep herself to herself as she didn't want people to talk about her, her son and she felt embarrassed as she had this feeling that people thought she was a bad mother because the wee boy was out on his own all the time, and that they were different.
I'm not making excuses for the mother in your case, but just speaking from experience. Maybe she is just defensive, and she always has her guard up.

If it were me in your situation I would just try and be polite to the wee fella, and then tune him out after a while. It will be hard at first but instead of focusing on the negatives at your new home, focus on he positives, and soon enough you'll be able to carry on as normal.

To be honest I don't think there's much more you could do. And I'm not sure what you actually want the parents to do. He's in his own garden and house, so he can do whatever he wants. He can shout till the cows come home and there wouldn't be a thing that can be done about it. Just like your own children can make as much noise as they want in your garden.

I just hope that in time you can all have some peace and get along with your everday business

sunshinetours

Morrismorris wrote: »

Well I went round on way back from school.
Long story short, put up fence if you like, don't expect us to pay for it. I mentioned her son shouting saying hello, I asked if there was a way we could chat to him that would not upset him as sometimes he seems a bit agitated, her response was not really just ignore him if he keeps on.
Also mentioned the rocks he's throwing over, as some have been big and they land on my decking, tried to say it as nicely as possible, explaining I have 3 kids, 2 under 6 and wouldn't want them hit by a rock. She said oh well maybe keep an eye on them when you let them out.
A bit of a cheek really but I don't think she wanted to have any kind of conversation with me, I introduced myself and I still don't know her name.

Ah well. I tried. Fence and plants it is.

Sorry that didn't work out for you.
Hate to say it but you may have found why the previous owners moved.

Everyone has a right to enjoy their own space and feel safe in it. i would not be remotely happy about things being thrown over with my kids in garden regardless of the overall circumstances, especially rocks. How tolerant are we expected to be having rocks thrown at our own kids in our own garden is a question for all i guess?

Hope you get some resolution but definitely think tall trees or evergreens are way forward. Maybe tall garden cabin at end of garden with trees in front of that if you have space/money

Maybe try again for lines of communication with neighbour aswell

Morrismorris

I'm sorry so many of you feel I'm making judgements, your all making judgements too, maybe he does enjoy being in the garden, equally it could be the case he doesn't and his mum shoves him outside to get peace. Tbf her sitting room is at the front so I doubt she hears him that loudly. Not saying it's the case just saying it's a possibility as much as you all saying I'm some sort of ogre for suggesting he doesn't seem particularly happy.

I am polite. But I'm not happy with the rock throwing, it's dangerous and she could do something about it. Move the rocks .? But I suppose I'm going to be told she can't possibly have time to do that,

A garden cabin sounds like a very good idea, I will see what I could put in front of that side of the fence and get some tall trees hopefully that will help stop any rocks coming over

thorsoak

How old is the child?

Morrismorris

thorsoak wrote: »

How old is the child?

At a guess maybe around 10.