Neighbour problems

Tiddlywinks

Morrismorris wrote: »

He doesn't play on the swing, he walks round the garden in circles shouting on his mum and dad, then when we come outside it's us he calls for.

Yes they do have a right to use their garden, as I said its a difficult sensitive situation but not one I can ignore. If that makes me an awful person. So be it

Gosh that's an emotive thing to say. You make it sound needy.

I'd say he probably doesn't call for you, rather just tries to communicate to get your attention.

Morrismorris

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

I have a son with a disability and he does similar noise making. I would not have a problem if a neighbour approached me in a good way about it. I guess the difference is that he isn't out their alone ever and when I feel that he is making too much noise we go inside. Not sure I can be of any help tbh but at least find out if you can speak to parent as it could be you talking to him that gets him excited so its best to ask

I'm going to pop round tonight on way back from the school run. Introduce myself and ask them if they are agreeable about the new fence I'm putting up. So maybe I can gauge what's going on then.

I certainly wouldn't just go round and be rude about things, like you say maybe there is a way we can talk with him when we see him that won't upset him etc

Morrismorris

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Gosh that's an emotive thing to say. You make it sound needy.

I'd say he probably doesn't call for you, rather just tries to communicate to get your attention.

I apologise. It was just wrongly worded. I know it's not us, we had work done on the garden and he shouted on the workmen for 3 hours. So I'm not trying to make out it's us personally. Jeez

Morrismorris

Mojisola wrote: »

It's a difficult situation for you. You can sort out some physical barriers - fence and/or tall shrubs, maybe even a removable garden sail which you can put up so he can't see you when he is upstairs - but you also have to learn not to focus on the noise.

When something is annoying or upsetting, we become more sensitive to it - it's important to let it slip into the background.

Any reasonable person will make allowances for someone with a disability but I would also expect the parents of a child with a disability to intervene if he is constantly calling out.

I do make allowances, if he calls when I'm outside I do talk to him and say hello and a few times he has thrown things (rocks) into our garden and I don't react but as someone said maybe I have become too sensitive to the noise. Once it's summertime and the kids arer outside I dare say the noise won't be as obvious.

I do feel bad sometimes ignoring hi though, but there's only so much I can say

Mojisola

Morrismorris wrote: »

He doesn't play on the swing, he walks round the garden in circles shouting on his mum and dad, then when we come outside it's us he calls for.

Morrismorris wrote: »

I do make allowances, if he calls when I'm outside I do talk to him and say hello and a few times he has thrown things (rocks) into our garden and I don't react but as someone said maybe I have become too sensitive to the noise. Once it's summertime and the kids arer outside I dare say the noise won't be as obvious.

I do feel bad sometimes ignoring hi though, but there's only so much I can say

I didn't mean that you weren't making allowances - I don't agree with the people who think you should put up with whatever he does because he's disabled.

If his own parents can ignore his calling, they can hardly expect you to keep responding to their son.

themull1

I would do the taller fence and trees, and not look if he's banging on his window. He might get sick eventually if hes not getting a reaction. I would hate the constant shouting as well.

elsien

Morrismorris wrote: »

Introduce myself and ask them if they are agreeable about the new fence I'm putting up. So maybe I can gauge what's going on then.

You might want to be careful about sounding as if you're asking permission purely for the new fence - what if they say they don't want it? I'd go more along the lines of "hi, I'm Morrismorris, just moved in at the bottom of your garden, wanted to let you know about the new fence we're having in case, any questions just let me know." Or whatever.


How old is the child? - is this at the evening / weekends when there's the problem or is he too young for school? Only (without wanting to sound judgemental and before I get jumped on) there may or may not be a valid reason for him to be outside so much. Kids with disabilities can have poor parenting as well and I wouldn't necessarily agree that if he's out there yelling so much it's because it suits him and his needs. Saying that is as big an assumption as the OP getting jumped on for suggesting otherwise.

Morrismorris

elsien wrote: »

You might want to be careful about sounding as if you're asking permission purely for the new fence - what if they say they don't want it? I'd go more along the lines of "hi, I'm Morrismorris, just moved in at the bottom of your garden, wanted to let you know about the new fence we're having in case, any questions just let me know." Or whatever.


How old is the child? - is this at the evening / weekends when there's the problem or is he too young for school? Only (without wanting to sound judgemental and before I get jumped on) there may or may not be a valid reason for him to be outside so much. Kids with disabilities can have poor parenting as well and I wouldn't necessarily agree that if he's out there yelling so much it's because it suits him and his needs. Saying that is as big an assumption as the OP getting jumped on for suggesting otherwise.

I'd say he is around 10. He doesn't go to mainstream school I'm assuming as he is home most days although for a few hours a day he is not there so maybe goes to another type of school.

Yes, I won't ask permission, the fence will be on my side of the boundary anyway, but it will be higher than what is there now, so I will just mention that.

Morrismorris

themull1 wrote: »

I would do the taller fence and trees, and not look if he's banging on his window. He might get sick eventually if hes not getting a reaction. I would hate the constant shouting as well.

I do ignore the window banging, I honestly worry he might hurt himself, he bangs so hard on the glass. Whether we ignore him or not ( the kids waved the first couple of times) he just stays at the window banging on it. For hours sometimes.

Misty_Blue

OP, just be aware that once you dare to utter the words "disabled child" on here in terms anything less than 100% glowing with love and admiration, there will be some people just waiting to twist every little thing that you say to try and make you out some kind of unfeeling monster.


For what it's worth, I think you sound totally reasonable and considerate for the other family's feelings. Going around to mention the fence and say hello seems a great idea, as does the suggestion by a previous poster that you gently ask if there is a good way to respond to the child to stop him getting so agitated.