Practical suggestions for getting over an inappropriate crush?

Copperplate

FBaby wrote: »

He is playing you up totally. He knows you have a crush on him and he is loving getting your attention, to see how you react when he gives you a bit of attention, and you are falling for it in every way.

He probably isn't a bad person, just a bit immature and self-centred. Forget about him all together. At the moment, it sounds like you are still giving him plenty of attention...with your anger and frustration...and he is enjoying just as much because deep inside, he still believes you would run to him in a second if he told you he had broken up with his girlfriend because he wants to be with you.

This is typical of how some people react when in a long term relationship. It is definitely time to move on and see him for what he is, nothing special.

I understand what you are saying but in terms of "giving him attention", I'm not entirely sure what to do...When he was ignoring me, I ignored him, didn't go anywhere near him at all and whilst he did it in the way that he was making a point (i.e walk towards me like he was going to sit next to me, then head to the opposite side of the room whilst giving me a look), I would literally just not pay him any attention at all and not make it obvious. Then the fact that I was doing this must have bugged him so he then moved on to insulting me and being rude, which I again totally ignored/pretended not to hear, but it was making me feel horrible and eroding my self respect to allow myself to be treated that way which is why, towards the end of the week, I started telling him I wasn't prepared to be spoken to like that.

I'm not sure what to do...do I just let him insult me (down to the point of making out I am ugly and a slag) and then put his arm around me etc so I'm not giving him attention by standing up to him or do I actually show I have enough self respect to not put up with being spoken to and treated like that.

Copperplate

FBaby wrote: »

Really? Seems a bit school like attitude. How about telling him that you don't want to discuss personal things with him any longer, that all conversation will be purely related to the course and if this is an issue for him, you will ask to be move to another group.

I get the feeling that your attitude towards might also have changed (hence telling you that you are mean) because you are disapointed that he chose is girlfriend. Either you move on totally and only talk to him when you have to and stay away from him at any other time, or just rise above it.

I don't see it as school like on my behalf. I can't put up with someone making the kind of comments he is making towards me, that I am stupid, ugly and have been with most of the men in my hometown. I.e, another guy on the course said to me when I came down the stairs when I was going out, 'Wow. You look really lovely." and he turned to the guy that said this and said, "Really? I mean come on she's .....errrrghhhh" and mimed that he was going to throw up, he keeps making comments like, "She'd know. She's been round the block that one." (I've actually only ever had one sexual partner, through choice) and when lecturers say things like, "Copperplate makes a good point." or " Copperplate said something interesting...", he scoffs and says, "Her? She's never said anything interesting in her life." or some other comment that I am not intelligent.

I genuinely can't put up with it. And tbh, I probably won't update this thread any further because I don't want to think of him at all and posting on here is not helping with that.

I might have had a lucky escape with him, lets leave it there.

ani*fan

It seems to me that he's showing his true colours now.

What a bummer.

If I were you, I wouldn't give him the slightest hint of any anger, frustration or anything else. Planned ignoring always works. It may take some time but he'll get bored winding you up and move on to something else.

Best of luck with it all.

JoW123

Copperplate wrote: »

I don't see it as school like on my behalf. I can't put up with someone making the kind of comments he is making towards me, that I am stupid, ugly and have been with most of the men in my hometown. I.e, another guy on the course said to me when I came down the stairs when I was going out, 'Wow. You look really lovely." and he turned to the guy that said this and said, "Really? I mean come on she's .....errrrghhhh" and mimed that he was going to throw up, he keeps making comments like, "She'd know. She's been round the block that one." (I've actually only ever had one sexual partner, through choice) and when lecturers say things like, "Copperplate makes a good point." or " Copperplate said something interesting...", he scoffs and says, "Her? She's never said anything interesting in her life." or some other comment that I am not intelligent.

I genuinely can't put up with it. And tbh, I probably won't update this thread any further because I don't want to think of him at all and posting on here is not helping with that.

I might have had a lucky escape with him, lets leave it there.

You've definitely had a lucky escape if that's how he behaves to someone he classes as a friend. It's immature and juvenile. I agree with FBaby. Tell him you're not putting up with it any longer and if it continues you will get yourself moved to another group. He badly needs to grow up!

giantmutantbroccoli

Wow, that guy is a colossal jerk (can't use the words I'd like to use on here)!
It is NOT immature to make a complaint about him. He's behaving like a bully, making inappropriate sexual comments and being nasty when he doesn't get what he wants. I would talk to your personal tutor first, and find out from them what the best course of action is as regards getting him to back off.
His behaviour is not acceptable and he's affecting your studies. Bullying is not regarded as a childhood-only problem by any reputable institution- if he continues he could find himself kicked off the course!

duchy

Universities take a very dim view of inappropriate sexual remarks. I would definitely go talk to your tutor.

Copperplate

Ok...stand by what I said about the fact that I won't be updating but just wanted to say I do not want him to get in trouble or to get kicked off the course over what is essentially childish (though hurtful) behaviour. It would be very much a last resort that I would actually report him but if, after I have pointed out that I will not be spoken to/about like that he continues I will tell him that I will have to report him if he doesn't stop and hopefully just telling him that might scare him into stopping. Tbh, I doubt my tutors would believe me anyway as he comes across as very much the nice, well mannered gentleman.

duchy

I didn't say report him -I said talk to your tutor about the situation.

jenhug

He is sounding very spiteful and bullying at the moment, I think other people and the tutor will start to pick up on it soon, but what a vile man he is.

egoode

Wow that sounds terrible. I really hope you don't let him get you down. He clearly has major issues and the less time you spend with him the better. I would recommend never being alone with him (for your assignments always meet in the library or a coffee shop not at each others places) and when you are in a group try to sit a way from him.

It sounds like you are doing your best sticking up for yourself and I'm sure everyone else can see how bad he's behaving. I hope you have a few close friends on the course who are aware of the situation and can help support you and stick up for you as well if required.