Practical suggestions for getting over an inappropriate crush?

justme111

Copperplate wrote: »

I stick up for him because people on here seem to be trying to paint him in a light which to me doesn't add up to the person that he actually is in real life. What I'm trying to say is that I will defend him and it's not unjustified. He is a good person. He is not undeserving of compliments.

As I said it is not you "sticking up for him" which is concerning. You know him and like him while people on here are guessing so of course some guesses are wrong and you.correct them. What's concerning was you saying that you DO NOT stick up for him and while doing it.

If you continue as you are you will not be available to othecause you are besotted with this one - mind , may not be a bad thing, may be what you need.
Now you thinking -"he is good , I know he is good , he can not be using me". It does not take bad or evil person to use another , not many set out with a conscious mindset "I am going to use this person now". They just pursue their own interest without considering how it may impact on others.

fairydiamond

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Meeting up without a hug (or three) would be weird - and yes, it's the same when my boyfriend is there.

Well I have a close male friend but I certainly don't hug him and I wouldn't like my husband hugging other women either. I guess I see things differently to some.

stripey1969

I've been in a similar situation. We knew how we felt about each other, but he was with someone else, and for both us that meant nothing was going to happen. It's not inevitable that you fall into an affair - especially not if you really like someone, and want to hold out for something romantic rather than sordid.

In the end he split up with his partner, and only then did anything happen between us. Three years later and we're still blissfully happy. I wouldn't be surprised if the same thing happens for you, Copperplate. Good luck!

tea_lover

FBaby wrote: »

Oh how classical this is! You are so absorbed in it, you can't see that what you have described is how 99% of affairs start. The sudden confession that is totally innocent, the 'I have a girlfriend but I am with her because it is safe because I am scared of opening up...which will soon become 'but you make me feel different, I can open to you like I can't with anyone else' that will make you feel special.

Totally. "She doesn't understand me", "no one else gets me like you do", "I've never felt like this about anyone else".....why do people fall for this? Next thing it will be "we tried to fight it but we couldn't help ourselves".

FatVonD

tea_lover wrote: »

Next thing it will be "we tried to fight it but we couldn't help ourselves".

This whole thread is 'we tried to fight it but couldn't help ourselves'.

I honestly think the purpose of this thread is the online equivalent of a teenager asking her friends 'do you think he likes me?' and then, when they say he does saying 'oh, no he doesn't' so they say it some more. Or if they say he doesn't like them then coming up with examples why he does. It's just an excuse to talk about him.

(Sorry, OP, still think you should declare yourself and go for it but you're not fooling anyone )

justme111

FatVonD wrote: »

This whole thread is 'we tried to fight it but couldn't help ourselves'.

I honestly think the purpose of this thread is the online equivalent of a teenager asking her friends 'do you think he likes me?' and then, when they say he does saying 'oh, no he doesn't' so they say it some more. Or if they say he doesn't like them then coming up with examples why he does. It's just an excuse to talk about him.

(Sorry, OP, still think you should declare yourself and go for it but you're not fooling anyone )

Yeah , but what's wrong with wanting to talk - makes us women

HPoirot

Well, if anything, Copperplate has the next Mills & Boon publication all sorted.

System

Have to say if I was the gf I wouldn't be happy, mainly cos the guy evidently needs to sort things out and stop confusing things, and also for someone else contemplating making a move on him. I'm in a LDR (not quite international mind..) and if be pretty !!!!ed off if some woman was trying to make a move on my bf just cos I'm not there 24/7 and evidently to some that makes him fair game.

Personally I'd try and distance yourself until such a time where he (if he ends up that way) becomes available. Or failing that find someone who isn't spoken for.

ani*fan

~Chameleon~ wrote: »

I've been following this story and it looks to me to be the ultimate fairytale romance and I anticipate a post in the not too distant future letting us know they have well and truly fallen in love with each other.

I totally agree.


This may not be the perfect beginning to a relationship but let's face it, many beginnings are a lot worse. I can't even count the amount of people I know who go on a night out with their mates, get blind drunk, pull a random stranger, take them home then wake up the next day and try to make a relationship out of it.


This ain't perfect, but getting to know each other before anything happens is rare these days.


Still crossing my fingers for you, Copperplate.

paulineb_2

I actually think, well if someone leaves a gf and starts the fairytale romance, then they could well be discarded themselves the next time someone else comes along.