Practical suggestions for getting over an inappropriate crush?

HPoirot

Barbara Cartland, here we come!!!!!!

tayforth

Copperplate wrote: »

Or he could realise that his girlfriend is the one he wants and not me. Either way, he's got nothing to lose.

Lol, right now I am lying in the sunshine by the pool thousands of miles away in the nicest hotel I've stayed in in my life. I should be having the time of my life but all I wish is that he was here with me. How pathetic is that?! Right Tayforth, I promise I will try to enjoy myself and I will keep people updated but we are off uni for over a month so I won't see him for ages. Thanks for the support x

Best thing for you at the minute! Enjoy your holiday, a bit of distance always gives me a fresh perspective on life xxx

ani*fan

Hi Copperplate

Just wonderin' if you're back at Uni again and if there's any news.

Copperplate

I am and it's not too good. While his girlfriend was here, everytime I turned on my laptop I was confronted with lovey dovey pictures of the two of them and it was hurting me (I know its wrong of me to be like that). As soon as she'd went home he was texting me about six times a day, sending funny little pics etc. I felt so confused. Now we are back at uni and it's pretty bad. He's avoiding me, except for when he feels the need to ask me things like, "What should I send my girlfriend for our one year anniversary?". At first, I was really emotional about how cold he has suddenly turned towards me and my confidence hit rock bottom. My friend on the course says in her opinion he is acting like a frustrated, annoying 12 year old around me with his subtle digs and taking the !!!! out of me and she thinks he can't handle the fact the he actually does fancy me so he is just being mean.

I'm using the bank holiday to turn over a new leaf. I'm not moping after him anymore. I'm going to work on improving my life and my self and there is no way I am going to let him or anyone mess around with my emotions.

Yorkie1

You can't control his behaviour unless you confront him about it - but you can try to control how you react to him. Good luck with your new-found resolution and that you can find a way through this which still gets you the project etc results you want!

Copperplate

Yorkie1 wrote: »

You can't control his behaviour unless you confront him about it - but you can try to control how you react to him. Good luck with your new-found resolution and that you can find a way through this which still gets you the project etc results you want!

As far as communicating with him, I think he knows I'm not happy with how he is treating me at the moment as I put up with it for nearly a week and then turned round to him the other day after he made an umpteenth snide comment and said, "You know, you really aren't as nice as you pretend to be. Maybe you are to other people but certainly not to me. If you are trying to sicken me then you are doing a good job." He actually laughed, not in a horrible way but more like admiration. It was if he was saying, "Wow. I'm impressed!" Ten minutes later he started stroking my arm and tried to put his arm around me (first time he'd attempted to touch me since going back to uni) and I moved away and gave him a dirty look and he laughed again and said, "What?! What did you think I was going to do?" and I just said, "You don't get to do that to me."

At the moment, he is doing a good job of helping me get over him!

FBaby

He is playing you up totally. He knows you have a crush on him and he is loving getting your attention, to see how you react when he gives you a bit of attention, and you are falling for it in every way.

He probably isn't a bad person, just a bit immature and self-centred. Forget about him all together. At the moment, it sounds like you are still giving him plenty of attention...with your anger and frustration...and he is enjoying just as much because deep inside, he still believes you would run to him in a second if he told you he had broken up with his girlfriend because he wants to be with you.

This is typical of how some people react when in a long term relationship. It is definitely time to move on and see him for what he is, nothing special.

bagpussbear

Copperplate wrote: »

As far as communicating with him, I think he knows I'm not happy with how he is treating me at the moment as I put up with it for nearly a week and then turned round to him the other day after he made an umpteenth snide comment and said, "You know, you really aren't as nice as you pretend to be. Maybe you are to other people but certainly not to me. If you are trying to sicken me then you are doing a good job." He actually laughed, not in a horrible way but more like admiration. It was if he was saying, "Wow. I'm impressed!" Ten minutes later he started stroking my arm and tried to put his arm around me (first time he'd attempted to touch me since going back to uni) and I moved away and gave him a dirty look and he laughed again and said, "What?! What did you think I was going to do?" and I just said, "You don't get to do that to me."

At the moment, he is doing a good job of helping me get over him!

Goodness me, the guy is a jerk. Is there any way you can be separated a bit more on your course?

Copperplate

bagpussbear wrote: »

Goodness me, the guy is a jerk. Is there any way you can be separated a bit more on your course?

No, unfortunately! We found out we have to be research partners last term but that will be closer to the end of term and then in the week, one of our lecturers put us into groups of three to work together in her module's seminars for the next month and it's him, me and my friend who knows all about the situation. It's only once a week and we managed fine last week, although inside I felt awful.

If he carries on making nasty comments to me, I will tell him I am going to have to speak to the head of department and tell him I am struggling to work with this kind of behaviour.

FBaby

If he carries on making nasty comments to me, I will tell him I am going to have to speak to the head of department and tell him I am struggling to work with this kind of behaviour.

Really? Seems a bit school like attitude. How about telling him that you don't want to discuss personal things with him any longer, that all conversation will be purely related to the course and if this is an issue for him, you will ask to be move to another group.

I get the feeling that your attitude towards might also have changed (hence telling you that you are mean) because you are disapointed that he chose is girlfriend. Either you move on totally and only talk to him when you have to and stay away from him at any other time, or just rise above it.