Messed up. Please help me!

supersaver2

Heck a lot of judgemental folk on here, lets hope they never venture on to the debt boards and pass judgement on posters there.

You've made a terrible mistake OP but I do think telling your boyfriend was the only option. I hope you can work through things if that is what you both want, though its not going to be easy and I can honestly say I couldn't forgive my wife if she did what you've done.

Good luck.

valk_scot

rachiibell wrote: »

I felt much better for telling him especially when we agreed to work through everything. But now he's changed his mind I don't really know what to think. I can't blame him obviously because I know I've done wrong and I would find it hard to forgive but it's left me feeling very confused as I don't know where I stand.

I'd start looking for another place to live if I were you. Just in case you need it.


Also get yourself down to your GP and have a chat about the depression. You need to start taking some responsibility for yourself and getting some control over your own life, not looking for self esteem via alcohol, drugs and gropes with equally drunk and stoned men in hotel bedrooms. You can't spend the rest of your life playing at being a victim and hoping someone else will look after you, that's a very slippery downwards slope tbh.

marisco_2

rachiibell wrote: »

it's left me feeling very confused as I don't know where I stand.

Your boyfriend will be feeling this too only at a magnitude you cant possibly comprehend, unless you have also been cheated on and have experienced receiving that kind of bombshell. Everything he trusted and felt secure in within his relationship with you has been shattered. There are some things that relationships simply cant recover from. Which is why most people accept that there are certain lines you just don't cross if you truly love and respect a partner. I would be very surprised if your boyfriend isn't baring this in mind, mulling his options over carefully, and seriously questioning whether a future with you is now what he really wants. Give him all the time and space he needs to work through his feelings, and accept that things may not be right or feel in any way normal for a very long time if ever again.

victory

rachiibell wrote: »

I felt much better for telling him especially when we agreed to work through everything. But now he's changed his mind I don't really know what to think. I can't blame him obviously because I know I've done wrong and I would find it hard to forgive but it's left me feeling very confused as I don't know where I stand.

Where you stand? Your bf as far as he knew had a loving gf, was happy in his relationship with you, he loved you, cared about you, he trusted you and now you have told him his whole world has collapsed, he now has to go through every roller coaster of emotion known to man , he's going to really struggle, you need to give him all the space and time he needs and try very hard to help him through it

MrsAtobe

Desecrated_Landscape wrote: »

I'm with you rachiibell if your guy is not showing you affection then find it some where else. It is him who pushed you to do what you did and nobody here is considering this. Good on you girl show your guy that other people have intrest in you and if he wont give it you will get it else where.

No, no, no, NO! You split with the person who is not giving you what you need/want and THEN AND ONLY THEN do you find someone who can give you what you need/want.

A serious relationship is about give and take, and supporting each other through the bad times, and celebrating and enjoying the good.

rachiibell

Thank you the last couple of posts have really put things in perspective for me. Tbh I was surprised he forgave me so quickly after I told him I guess it didn't really sink in until he had some time on his own to think about things.

I went to the doctors some time in january and got put on medication although I stupidly stopped taking it for a while. I won't make that mistake again. In the mean time I'm going to try and focus on becoming the best version of myself - cutting out alcohol, rubbish food (I've noticed that sugar really badly affects my mood) and working on my confidence and self esteem - although I'm not really sure where to begin there.

I'll support my boyfriend as much as possible and give him as long as he needs. He's got the rest of the week off work as he had to use up some holiday so I've stocked up on all his favourite food, drinks, magazines, ect. And before anyone says anything I know this in no way makes up for what I've done I'm just trying to show I still care through little gestures without putting loads of pressure on him.

justme111

I actually thoughtght this thread may be a wind up as you do not come across as someone with confidence issues in your writing at all. You come across as calm and self assured and articulate. Which does not match paying for attention with your body at all. And yes small gestures are nice. Good luck again x

paulineb_2

justme111 wrote: »

I actually thoughtght this thread may be a wind up as you do not come across as someone with confidence issues in your writing at all. You come across as calm and self assured and articulate. Which does not match paying for attention with your body at all. And yes small gestures are nice. Good luck again x

Im someone who probably comes across as having more confidence when I post than Ive had at times in real life, I suffered from crippling anxiety and low confidence for years.