Messed up. Please help me!

splishsplash

God, it sounds like the most dreadful, drunken, sleazy fumbling... it also sounds like you were up for it but he was too drunk to do anything - on several different occasions .

You really have painted a very squalid picture in your OP.

My advice? You sound like you have a drinking problem, so see if you can stop.

Also, please do the right thing by your boyfriend, let him go and resolve to clean yourself up before embarking on another 'relationship'.

rachiibell

Scorpio33 wrote: »

One thing I would say is to ignore what you have done and to concentrate on why you did what you did.

OK what you did is pretty bad and if your boyfriend found out he would be furious. Do you think he is likely to find out though? The only reason you would tell your boyfriend is if it is likely that he will find out from someone else. If there is no chance he will find out, then the only reason you would tell him is to releive your guilt - as that is all it achieves.

Regardless if you do fess up of not, concentrate on why you did what you did. There must have been some issue in your current relationship that meant you were tempted by this guy. Think heavily about your relationship and then try and think of possible reasons why it is not good at the moment - what changed when and why.

You haev done a bad thing, but you need to concnrate on the reasons behind what you did.

Thank you. I don't think he is likely to find out but he might have his suspicions I guess. Our relationship hasn't been great lately (before all this happened). I don't think he understands my depression so won't talk to me about things for fear of upsetting me and then just bursts out with it that he's under a lot of stress and can't talk to me about it because I'm putting too much pressure on him. Our sex life hasn't been great either he's gone off it and everything I try doesn't seem to work. We were out with friends the other day and I told him he looked sexy and couldn't wait till we got home and he said it turns him off when I act to eager. I was concentrated on enjoying my time with my friends for the rest of the night and that was wrong too. I just feel like I can't win sometimes. I know sex isn't the be and end all of a relationship but it just makes me feel rubbish about myself all the time. I know I have some things to work on myself and could probably do with being a bit more independent from him, being more confident and being more assertive in general.

tea_lover

rachiibell wrote: »

being more assertive in general.

Are you joking?? You're been far more assertive than someone in a relationship should ever be.

rachiibell

sacha28 wrote: »

You had sex with this man after a party, bad enough, but then you proceeded to meet up with him multiple times and stay in different hotels.

I know it's bad and I feel absolutely terrible about it but I never had sex with the other guy.

rachiibell

Scuffer wrote: »

rachiibell was the hotel room booked under the names Mr and Mrs Smith?

No? I didn't book it though. Pretty sure he used his real name.

harrys_nan

sorry love, your fella deserves much better than you. one time could be forgiven, more than once you knew what you was doing,

rachiibell

tea_lover wrote: »

Are you joking?? You're been far more assertive than someone in a relationship should ever be.

I'm not sure why you should be less assertive about your own self when in a relationship. My point was that I didn't want to do anything with this guy but felt like it was expected of me because we'd kissed before. If when I went to meet him again (as a friend) and I felt he was being too handsy I had just said stop it you're making me uncomfortable then I wouldn't be in this mess.

thorsoak

rachiibell wrote: »

Thank you. I don't think he is likely to find out but he might have his suspicions I guess. Our relationship hasn't been great lately (before all this happened). I don't think he understands my depression so won't talk to me about things for fear of upsetting me and then just bursts out with it that he's under a lot of stress and can't talk to me about it because I'm putting too much pressure on him. Our sex life hasn't been great either he's gone off it and everything I try doesn't seem to work. We were out with friends the other day and I told him he looked sexy and couldn't wait till we got home and he said it turns him off when I act to eager. I was concentrated on enjoying my time with my friends for the rest of the night and that was wrong too. I just feel like I can't win sometimes. I know sex isn't the be and end all of a relationship but it just makes me feel rubbish about myself all the time. I know I have some things to work on myself and could probably do with being a bit more independent from him, being more confident and being more assertive in general.

Listen, luvvy - you are fooling yourself and nobody else if you think it isn't going to come back and bite you on the bum! Cokehead is going to try and keep making contact with you ...and eventually you are going to succumb to the attention/etc etc etc

You have to face what you did - and accept the consequences. Otherwise, you are really going to be in trouble.

Suggested reading for you :- http://classiclit.about.com/library/bl-etexts/crossetti/bl-crossetti-goblin.htm

thorsoak

rachiibell wrote: »

I know it's bad and I feel absolutely terrible about it but I never had sex with the other guy.

You mean like Bill Clinton http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZfrLTD1PZ0

tea_lover

rachiibell wrote: »

I'm not sure why you should be less assertive about your own self when in a relationship. My point was that I didn't want to do anything with this guy but felt like it was expected of me because we'd kissed before. If when I went to meet him again (as a friend) and I felt he was being too handsy I had just said stop it you're making me uncomfortable then I wouldn't be in this mess.

Stop blaming your partner (well, ex partner) your boss and everyone else for your mistakes. YOU cheated, repeatedy. Nobody made you. This is nothing to do with being assertive and everything to do with being a selfish tramp who drinks too much.