Messed up. Please help me!

rachiibell

Ok this is going to be a super long post. Please respond nicely I already feel terrible about the whole situation just looking for advice.

So me and OH have been together for almost 3 years. We've recently been going through a bit of a rough patch - he's had a promotion to manager which has meant a lot of extra work and responsibility and I'm in the final year of my degree. I feel like I can't cope with the workload, I'm constantly stressed and I've recently been diagnosed with depression and put on medication. This isn't an excuse for what's to come just setting the scene.

I left my old job a few weeks ago to move to one with more hours. On my leaving do everyone left by the time the club closed apart from me and my boss. We ended up going to his friends house, drinking a lot more and took coke. He told me he'd always fancied me and we kissed. He went to bed and I left and went home and felt terrible.

I had to see him again the following week as I'd agreed to work one final shift as a favour. When I went in we talked and he apologised and that was that we agreed to be friends again. The next day he text me saying he was having a bad day and he'd called in sick and asked if I wanted to go for a drink. I agreed and it turned out he'd quit his job. When he showed up he was already pretty drunk and a bit 'handsy' but I put it down to being drunk. Anyway we both proceeded to get drunk and by about 8pm (we met at 3) nowhere would serve him anymore. He didn't want to go home that night (he has a girlfriend and a baby) so booked a hotel room and I got a bottle of wine and went to drink with him there. Nothing happened apart from us kissing again and we went to bed and cuddled. I left when he was asleep and went home.

We met up again the other night after we'd both finished work. I didn't really want to see him and have no idea why I agreed. Anyway we ended up going out drinking for the whole night and once everywhere was closed got a hotel room and just drank in there. I stayed the night and when we woke up we drank some more and napped throughout the day. Once again nothing really happened apart from kissing and cuddling. He spanked me a few times and pulled my hair and I really don't know why I let him as I didn't enjoy it at all! But that was it. I finally went home that night at about 12am.

Understandably my boyfriend was furious. My phone had died at some point on the first night so he hadn't been able to contact me for a whole day and was really worried. The next day he moved out of our flat and went to live with friends for a bit. Boss text me to see how I was and tried to invite himself over a few times when I told him my boyfriend had moved out. I refused and told him to go home to his girlfriend and try and sort things out with her. He finally did and she's taken him back but he's on his final warning. We agreed not to see or talk to each other again.

I'm going to see my boyfriend today for the first time since thursday morning and I really don't know what to say to him. He doesn't know that I kissed this man he was angry enough to leave just from me staying out for so long. Part of me thinks my boyfriend deserves to know everything so he can make an informed decision but I don't want to be telling him just to get rid of my guilt as such. I'm so annoyed with myself as I didn't even like boss as more than a friend I just liked the attention. Sorry for such a long post. Any advice please?

Alikay

rachiibell wrote: »

We agreed not to see or talk to each other again.

^^This^^

Then work out whether you want to continue your relationship with your boyfriend, and choose between breaking up, coming clean or covering your tracks.

Scorpio33

One thing I would say is to ignore what you have done and to concentrate on why you did what you did.

OK what you did is pretty bad and if your boyfriend found out he would be furious. Do you think he is likely to find out though? The only reason you would tell your boyfriend is if it is likely that he will find out from someone else. If there is no chance he will find out, then the only reason you would tell him is to releive your guilt - as that is all it achieves.

Regardless if you do fess up of not, concentrate on why you did what you did. There must have been some issue in your current relationship that meant you were tempted by this guy. Think heavily about your relationship and then try and think of possible reasons why it is not good at the moment - what changed when and why.

You haev done a bad thing, but you need to concnrate on the reasons behind what you did.

thorsoak

Advice?

1. Don't drink to excess

2. Don't snort coke with ANYBODY

3. Don't cheat - especially with someone who has a partner and baby.

4. Don't make excuses when you tell your b/f that you cheated on him.

5. Don't cry when he tells you that it's over and chucks you out.

You've been an absolute idiot/acted like a tramp. All you can do is apologise, don't expect your relationship to carry on as it was. If it hadn't been in some sort of trouble, you would not have carried on in this way.

Maybe, just maybe, you might be able to get your relationship back on track - but don't be surprised if you've broken it irretrievably.

And whatever else you do - DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO WITH THE COKEHEAD THAT WAS YOUR PREVIOUS BOSS he's cheated on his current partner and will do so again ...and again ...and again.

ifstar

Nothing much else to say as most of it has been said already.


If you have been diagnosed with depression then taking cocaine is a very bad idea since after the initial hit, you will have a longer comedown from the high that often leads people to feel depressed. If you are medically diagnosed then it could easily be much worse for you.


I would expect the worst outcome from your boyfriend, if he told you the exact same story as what you have done, how would you feel?

Scuffer

Once a cheat, always a cheat. You put it down to only a kiss and cuddle. Really out of respect for your boyfriend and your 3 year relationship you should tell him the truth. He deserves better than to be played a fool.

Stabbald

ifstar wrote: »

Nothing much else to say as most of it has been said already.


Taking cocaine is a very bad idea.


I would expect the worst outcome from your boyfriend, if he told you the exact same story as what you have done, how would you feel?

Fixed that for you.

HPoirot

Scuffer wrote: »

You put it down to only a kiss and cuddle.

I don't think people who cheat book hotel rooms just for a kiss and a cuddle either.

What kind of advice are you looking for OP? How to sugar coat the pill to your bf? You have already cheated on him and showed a major lack of respect and consideration by vanishing into the ether during your little jolly with the ex boss. Isn't it time you stopped playing him for a fool?

Scuffer

rachiibell was the hotel room booked under the names Mr and Mrs Smith?

sacha28

thorsak you never fail to make me:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

What you say is absolutely on the money (we are MSEer's after all ).

OP I think you have convinced yourself that you can play this down. You had sex with this man after a party, bad enough, but then you proceeded to meet up with him multiple times and stay in different hotels. These aren't the actions of someone who thinks what they are doing is harmless.

Whether you are stressed or not, there is no real excuse for doing this to somebody you say you love. I have had some VERY testing times over the past 12 months alone but haven't so much as looked at another man as I have far too much respect for my OH. If there were issues making me think like that I would end the relationship, not cheat on him.

Do as you wish, tell him, don't tell him, but the outcome will be the same eventually anyway. These things have a habit of coming back to bite you on the @rse IMO.

gt568

B0llocks!!!!!!