can you help me?

meritaten

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Meritaten

Am I right in thinking that you have the GS because his mum needs to leave early because of her hours and is on NMW?


If that is the case then I think you are right in assuming that they will expect you to have the baby.

And to be honest I think your OH is right - they will be taking the p!ss

Hit the nail right on the head there MOD!

Mojisola

meritaten wrote: »

s
I am absolutely thrilled about the baby, I really am, its just:
I mind the 6 yr old two or three days a week for DIL to work. I have done this since he was a couple of months old. In the beginning I didn't really want to, but she wouldn't have been able to work if I don't so felt I didn't have much choice as I know they really needed the money.

she starts work at 7.00am so I have to get up early, then get him dressed (sometimes give him breakfast), and take him to school.
I am 60 this year and disabled - I don't know how I am going to manage GS AND a baby. I am finding it very hard now.

If they can't manage without her working, shouldn't they have thought of that before having one baby, let alone a second one?

If they have done their financial sums on the basis that you will be having both children - and you will be another year/18 months older by the time she is back at work - they may be in for a shock.

Don't leave it too long before raising the issue with them.

Bella73

I think you need to tell them. It is their choice to have another child and they must not be allowed to think that someone will being up that child for them.

I always think Grandparents should be for fun stuff like a trip to the beach/park or whatever is available where you happen to live. I find it shocking that so many parents just expect their parents to drop everything in life and give free childcare!

I know I sound harsh but I hear in my job so many grandparents that are struggling to look after their grandchildren 3 or 4 days a week and it's too much for them. If people want children the. They need to plan how THEY will look after them either by one parent not working or paying for a child minder or nursery.

I think you need to think would they do this for you? Every day off would they come and take you where you need to go eg hospital appointments etc, every week...bet they wouldn't.

I think they are using you to be honest. You have your GS every week and then at weekends as well whilst they go shopping! ....for goodness sake can't they ever manage to look after their own child! I appreciate he wants to come to you but they need to say no sometimes to give you a decent rest and I think you need to say no as well, it doesn't make you a bad grandparent to say no on occasion and it might help his parents stop taking you for granted so much.

Buzzybee90

It's their lifestyle choice to have children. It's their responsibility to either organise childcare or look after their children themselves.

Grandparents are not childminders.

meritaten

I have six grandchildren and they are my main pleasure in life to be honest. I adore all of them. I love to have them for sleepovers, or come to visit. we do take them out on nice days or have craft days when its rainy.

its the issue of getting GS to school - I have mobility issues and don't drive. luckily, we have a bus stop near. - but the buses don't always co-operate and run on time. and the thought of taking GS AND a baby up to, and back from school is really daunting. that IS the main issue.
and this thread has clarified that for me. its not looking after the baby - I can do that, I can look after GS too. its the 'logistics'! of getting from A to B and back to A again! without too much pain!
I don't mind being unpaid childcare, I don't mind looking after more than one - I am used to it!

dandelionclock30

I'd tell them now not be waiting till later on. They need to be employing childcare or one of them doesnt work. Just tell them your not able to do it due to mobility issues.
Frankly I would never put on my mother like they have done with you.Very selfish, if they want to have kids then its their responsibity to look after them not yours.

mountainofdebt

meritaten wrote: »

I have six grandchildren and they are my main pleasure in life to be honest. I adore all of them. I love to have them for sleepovers, or come to visit. we do take them out on nice days or have craft days when its rainy.

its the issue of getting GS to school - I have mobility issues and don't drive. luckily, we have a bus stop near. - but the buses don't always co-operate and run on time. and the thought of taking GS AND a baby up to, and back from school is really daunting. that IS the main issue.
and this thread has clarified that for me. its not looking after the baby - I can do that, I can look after GS too. its the 'logistics'! of getting from A to B and back to A again! without too much pain!
I don't mind being unpaid childcare, I don't mind looking after more than one - I am used to it!

Hun - you're making a rod for your own back.

Corelli

Hi,

I can understand the reasons for not broaching this during your DIL's first trimester but I do think the subjsct needs to be broached asap.

They will need to make plans for the new baby and from your GS's point of view if he started being looked after by someone else and his routine thrown out that could well be a bit much for him on top of a new baby in his life. Becoming a big brother to a new little one who takes up a lot of your parent's time isn't easy. Particularly when you have been the only child for six years.

It sounds like you could really do with not having to do the morning school runs with him but could be happy to have him other times? It really is time his parents made other arrangements if you are being left in pain every morning. Even if their financial situation is so difficult, it is not fair on you. And certainly wouldn't be fair if they are assuming you will take on another grandchild.

But they might not be assuming anything, this needs to be discussed and your situation made clear to them asap.

meritaten

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Hun - you're making a rod for your own back.

That's funny - that's what my consultant wanted to do! put a rod down my back! I refused.:rotfl:

I get the feeling there is a bit of culture difference here. In the Valley in South Wales where I am, a good third or maybe even half of kids in GSs primary school are taken and/or picked up by grandparents. its 'taken for granted' here that grandparents mind the kids for the parents to work.
Most jobs are NMW so as childminders get more than that - its not an option for most parents.
That is just the economic reality of life here.

Buzzybee90

meritaten wrote: »

That's funny - that's what my consultant wanted to do! put a rod down my back! I refused.:rotfl:

I get the feeling there is a bit of culture difference here. In the Valley in South Wales where I am, a good third or maybe even half of kids in GSs primary school are taken and/or picked up by grandparents. its 'taken for granted' here that grandparents mind the kids for the parents to work.
Most jobs are NMW so as childminders get more than that - its not an option for most parents.
That is just the economic reality of life here.

What does your son do? Does he not make enough (with cutbacks?) to mean your daughter in law could look after the chidlers? (Or vice versa).

I'm just worried about grandparents taking on the role of parents more and losing some of that special relationship. For example I can't recall arguing with my grandparents - it was always so exciting to spend time with them having fun, I remember arguing with my parents all the time! Possibly I was just an argumentative child but aren't they all?

Quite honestly I've never heard of grandparents looking after children sort of on a full time basis, but obviously it happens!