can you help me?

meritaten

Baby isn't due until November, another reason I am reluctant to speak out too soon. to use an Euphemism 'anything could happen in the next few months'. so I think trolleyrun is thinking along the same lines, and I don't want to upset DIL in very early pregnancy.

I think its such early days they haven't even thought about childcare very deeply. Her dad does the other days and there is already a very young baby in their house. but they have the advantage of only living 1 minutes walk from the school. I have this feeling her dad is going to be reluctant too.
I need to know how I feel though, I may be overly pessimistic. but it seems to me that of those that's replied I am not just being selfish.

I didn't mean my post to sound as if I ONLY have him a couple of days a week. he sleepsover if his parents go out - that's only every couple of months usually. He hates shopping so he normally gets left with me for a couple of hours once or twice a week. He sometimes rings on Sunday morning to invite himself for Sunday lunch (especially if he knows the grandgirls slept over). his parents know I will always have him if I can.

candlelight_2013

This happened to my sister. She looked after DGS from a baby, he was dropped off at 7.15 and not picked up until 6p.m. He was a good boy but the demands a baby makes on you are very tiring, and she was on the go from morning till night. She was 60 at the time and not in the best of health (diabetes and asthma).

When he was coming up to 3 they were talking about having another child and I said to her you have to tell them you can't manage to look after another baby. She was absolutely worn out, as much as she loved him. She did tell them, I think it came as a bit of a surprise to them, unfortunately our children don't seem to understand that when we are older we don't have the same amount of energy as when we were younger.

I think you have to be totally honest with them, but I would hope because they hadn't discussed it with you, that they were thinking of alternative arrangements.

Now is the time to start looking after yourself, you won't get a second chance if you make yourself ill from the stress of it all.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Candlelightx

Valli

I echo what others have said. My mum had DS for me - but when DD came along I didn't go back to work, we had decided it would be too much for her to have two to mind.

paulineb_2

I think you have to be honest, you started a thread a while back saying that your grandson was a bit of a handful at times, you have every right to make your own decisions without having to feel guilty.

If they need to make the decision that your daughter in law needs to reduce her hours or stay at home for a while to save on childcare fees, thats the reality for a lot of people with kids.

If they didnt have your support what would they do?

notanewuser

Tell them.

My inlaws have completely snookered their retirement with my 5 nieces and nephews (3 2 year olds and 3 babies). Their whole week is taken up with caring for them, up to. 4 at a time, including overnight stays several nights a week. They're travelling hundreds of miles a week picking up and dropping off and are destroying themselves doing it. It's ridiculous.

Stand your ground. You've done your bit.

trolleyrun

Just to spell it out to you, Meritaten; you're not being selfish at all.
Fwiw, I think your DS and DIL are the selfish ones.

mummyroysof3

I think you should wait till something is mentioned by them to discuss this rather than bring it up yourself ATM anyway imo

meritaten

getting good advice I think, I feel less stressed already having now made ONE decision. I will wait until the 20 week scan before making a final decision - but THAT is still undecided. and may well depend on GSs behaviour.

mountainofdebt

Sorry but I would start dropping hints now that the current arrangement can't continue - even taking the baby out of the equation I think its a cheek to expect you to do all that and absolutely jaw dropping if they expected you to look after the baby as well.

If the hints don't hit home then you need to tell them directly.

Personally I would be telling them now that they need to think about alternative childcare for the 6yr old......you're not having a grandmother / grandchild relationship you're having a child-carer / child relationship

What does your husband say as I'm sure its crossed his mind you'll be called upon to provide free childcare for the new one

penguin83

You are not being selfish at all. I have not long had my third baby. My Dad is retired but my Mum still works full time over 4 days a week.


My Dad picks up my 11 year old from school twice a week at his request and my Mum and Dad look after the baby on a Monday at their request (he is in nursery for the other 4 days). I really, really appreciate their help but wouldn't dream of expecting it. Free childcare is a massive help but I always make sure they feel up to it.


In my opinion my parents have done their days raising children and now it is their time to relax and enjoy their grandchildren. Grandparents should be about fun days out, eating too many sweets before tea and belly laughs. Anything else is a bonus and not to be taken for granted. xx