can you help me?

bylromarha

meritaten wrote: »

I have six grandchildren and they are my main pleasure in life to be honest. I adore all of them. I love to have them for sleepovers, or come to visit. we do take them out on nice days or have craft days when its rainy.

its the issue of getting GS to school - I have mobility issues and don't drive. luckily, we have a bus stop near. - but the buses don't always co-operate and run on time. and the thought of taking GS AND a baby up to, and back from school is really daunting. that IS the main issue.
and this thread has clarified that for me. its not looking after the baby - I can do that, I can look after GS too. its the 'logistics'! of getting from A to B and back to A again! without too much pain!
I don't mind being unpaid childcare, I don't mind looking after more than one - I am used to it!

Then this is what you need to tell DIL after 20 week scan.

And find options available together.

How about asking DIL to pay for a taxi? Cheaper than childcare I presume?

Suggest DIL becomes a childminder herself and give up the other job while the little people are still small?

Just trying to think around the problem...sure other people on here could think of alternatives too.

whodathunkit

meritaten wrote: »

That's funny - that's what my consultant wanted to do! put a rod down my back! I refused.:rotfl:

I get the feeling there is a bit of culture difference here. In the Valley in South Wales where I am, a good third or maybe even half of kids in GSs primary school are taken and/or picked up by grandparents. its 'taken for granted' here that grandparents mind the kids for the parents to work.
Most jobs are NMW so as childminders get more than that - its not an option for most parents.
That is just the economic reality of life here.

Perhaps that's partly because of the high level of unemployment in your area? After all, a woman of your age has 6 years to go before retirement so most people would be working and unavailable for regular childminding duties.

notanewuser

I don't live far from you Meri and it's not like that here at all.

dktreesea

Meri, I feel for you. But the Valleys - I can understand your DIL's reluctance to give up whatever work she has, because jobs , especially NMW jobs are as rare as hen's teeth. Your DIL may well be wanting to get back to work long before her maternity leave ends just to protect her job.

If it were just the wee boy, I would ask your son for the taxi fare so you can take him to school and then get run back down the hill. But you can't put a wee boy and a baby in a taxi. I feel for you. Some of my cousins are great grandparents, still only in their 60s and child minding.

Are any of the older grandchildren available to take him with them when they go to school? Maybe your son could slip one of them a few quid a week for doing what he would be doing himself were it not for his work?

We didn't have either set of grandparents available when we were raising our children, and worked opposite hours for many years so we didn't have to leave our children with strangers. Maybe your son and DIL could modify their working lives a bit to accommodate things like seeing their off to school in the mornings?

meritaten

at GSs school its about a third of grandparents take or pick up the kids.
at the other grandkids schools - less than a mile away at the other grandkids school its mostly parents or childminders. but they are closer to the 'posher' estates. over in the area where DD lives - for some reason its usually the mumsw- a dad is rare! and the mums are mostly welsh speaking. they went to that school as kids and speak welsh to the other mums. There seem to be little 'pockets' around schools. depending on how many 'posh' estates there are. or whether its an established 'village' school.

onlyroz

My mum is happy to take the kids for a few days over half term but there's no way I'd expect her to do it every day. I'd broach the issue sooner rather than later - perhaps at the 12 week scan stage - because it might take a while to get an alternative child care arrangement in place as childminders and nurseries often have long waiting lists. Have they looked into child care vouchers or tax credits etc that are designed to provide help funding child care? Does the six-year-old's school have a breakfast club? The club at my kid's school is £3 with breakfast or £1.50 without it, so it would hardly break the bank.

whodathunkit

I don't quite understand why you (and others) seem to think it's your DIL you need to talk to about this - wouldn't it be better to discuss this with your son?

Anatidaephobia

meritaten wrote: »

at GSs school its about a third of grandparents take or pick up the kids.
at the other grandkids schools - less than a mile away at the other grandkids school its mostly parents or childminders. but they are closer to the 'posher' estates. over in the area where DD lives - for some reason its usually the mumsw- a dad is rare! and the mums are mostly welsh speaking. they went to that school as kids and speak welsh to the other mums. There seem to be little 'pockets' around schools. depending on how many 'posh' estates there are. or whether its an established 'village' school.

When it comes down to it, it doesn't really matter what other people are doing, what matters is your health and what's right for you. Tell your son and/or your DIL about the stress of going to school in the morning and focus on your mobility issues to explain to them that it's just not a realistic possibility anymore. If you still want to have your grandchildren at other points in the day (as it sounds like you do) when they will be staying in your home or doing things which don't cause a problem to your health, then you can tell your son/DIL that and ensure that they understand that the change in arrangements is nothing to do with your desire to help out or your love for your GS but simply a result of your health problems.

If it makes you feel better, discuss it with your doctor first and then, if you need to, you can tell your son/DIL that your doctor agrees and has advised you to stop doing the school run.

JIL

My parents made it very clear that they had had their children and would not be on hand for child minding services. We were very lucky if my parents had the children one evening per month. They visited and spent time with them but it was always on their terms. We live ten minutes walk away so no issues with distance. My mil was totally different, she had our children whilst I was at work three days a week. As well as some school holidays. I did pay her at my insistetence, and we would also pay towards holidays to say thankyou. She also did the same for her other children.
I never took it for granted, when I had my third, I had actually sorted out a childminder as I thought it was too much to ask of her. But we came to an arrangement where I altered my hours at work to enable her to have all three.
I must say I am and was very very grateful for all she did and I knew even though the children were her grandchildren I knew she was doing me a very big favour.
You need to have a chat with your son. Does he not see for himself it would be too much for you?
Can your dil or son alter their hours to fit around school times? That may be the compromise if you are willing to have the baby as well.

*max*

I have a nagging feeling you won't be saying anything and you'll be posting this time next year saying how knackered you are and how can you explain to your DIL (not your son, never your son!) that it's too much.

You can be so helpful and assertive on here, urging people to take control of their own life...yet you're not doing any of it yourself and seem to be quite blind to the process when it comes to your own life.