can you help me?

globetraveller

sorry- I seemed to have missed the second page of posts when I replied!

notanewuser

meritaten wrote: »

lol - no, I get up around 6.15 to 6.30 on GS days - he could arrive any time after that. but its usually around 6.40. and yes he is in his pjs. he sometimes has had his breakfast but, if he wasn't hungry I am happy to provide whatever he wants - even if he does fancy tinned sausage and beans! bless him - his food choices are sometimes a little strange!

Would you normally be up at that time? I can't function before about 8:30am.

meritaten

notanewuser wrote: »

Would you normally be up at that time? I can't function before about 8:30am.

lol - NO! my normal 'wake up' time is around 7.30 to 8.00. and even then it takes me a while to 'function'. I am NOT a morning person.
its easier for me now with the earlier sunrise - in the winter I find it almost impossible to wake up. I can sleep through a rather loud alarm when its dark!
even so, I don't really mind - its the physical aspect of getting GS to school. I am finding mobility a real issue, my back is getting worse, the pain is getting worse and as I wont have surgery, I cannot get a referral to the specialist - he wrote me off!
I also have severe medication allergies - I can only tolerate paracetamol. anti-inflammatories also don't suit me.

interestingly - DIL texted earlier and asked if I could have GS overnight as she has to be in work at 6.00am tomorrow. I said yes of course. but she then texted back after she picked up GS from school and said he was going for a sleepover with his friend and his mum would be taking him to school.
I wonder if his friends mum would do this a couple of days a week - in exchange for Son and Dil taking her son on weekends? or for cash? friends mum loves it when GS comes to them - her son behaves soooooo much better! she adores my GS!

victory

meritaten wrote: »

lol - NO! my normal 'wake up' time is around 7.30 to 8.00. and even then it takes me a while to 'function'. I am NOT a morning person.
its easier for me now with the earlier sunrise - in the winter I find it almost impossible to wake up. I can sleep through a rather loud alarm when its dark!
even so, I don't really mind - its the physical aspect of getting GS to school. I am finding mobility a real issue, my back is getting worse, the pain is getting worse and as I wont have surgery, I cannot get a referral to the specialist - he wrote me off!
I also have severe medication allergies - I can only tolerate paracetamol. anti-inflammatories also don't suit me.

interestingly - DIL texted earlier and asked if I could have GS overnight as she has to be in work at 6.00am tomorrow. I said yes of course. but she then texted back after she picked up GS from school and said he was going for a sleepover with his friend and his mum would be taking him to school.
I wonder if his friends mum would do this a couple of days a week - in exchange for Son and Dil taking her son on weekends? or for cash? friends mum loves it when GS comes to them - her son behaves soooooo much better! she adores my GS!

That is a really good solution, much easier for you and GS has a playmate his age, win, win, if friends mum agrees that is:D

Mojisola

Have you had a heart-to-heart with your OH about the amount of childcare you do? Whatever happens in your home affects him as well.

Janepig

Just my input for what it's worth - when I went back to work after having DD and DS they went to day nursery for the days when I was in work and then the other days they were home with me. I had MIL and FIL and my dad "available" but I wouldn't have dreamed of asking them.

MIL and FIL live separately although they spend alot of time together (don't ask) and when DD started school at 3 I would drop her with my father after dropping DS in day nursery and he would take her to school for me in his car, and then FIL would pick her up after school and him and MIL would look after her until DH picked her up about 5ish. This was for three days a week, I was off the other two days. This felt like more than enough, iykwim.

Now they're a bit older, MIL and FIL aren't 100% healthy so it's a rare occurrence than they have either of the kids. MIL has offered to have DS on Saturday morning as DD's got a competition about half an hour's drive away and MIL offered to have him rather than him be bored hanging around while DD competes. However she offered, and while we gladly accepted neither I or DH would have asked.

My dad is 80 now and although he's very independent and can drive, I don't like to put on him. I do occasionally ask him to pick the kids up from school for me, which he's happy to do, and when I was laid up after having had surgery last year, he did this for about four weeks for me, picking them up and bringing them back to my house. And for instance I had a puncture on the way home from work afew weeks ago so I was able to ring him to get the kids for me while I sorted the car out. It's nice to have that support there but I'd feel awful if I expected more from either him or the inlaws.

Luckily I've got some good friends with kids in the school too who I could call on in an emergency, and I'm also able to help out if needs be - many's the time I've left the school with a gaggle of kids looking like Mary Poppins!

Jx

GobbledyGook

See I do not understand people who assume that the Grandparents will take on childcare. I mean I had a fair idea that in our case my PIL would want to mind DD when I went back to work 1 day a week, but we had already arranged a nursery when they said they wanted to have her because we simply didn't assume that just because we knew they'd want to do it that meant they would do it. There was never any assumption on our part that they would take her. By the time I was pregnant with DD2 MIL's mother was very bad with dementia and needing a lot of care so there was no question of them having both children as it would simply have been too much. However they really wanted to do it so we compromised and the girls both went into nursery (I didn't go back to work until DD2 was 18 months), but every other week when Granny was at respite PIL took one of them for the afternoon. As they were booked into nursery anyway it wasn't an issue if they couldn't manage or simply fancied a day to themselves and they didn't feel the least bit bad about it as the nursery day was already paid for.

My Grandparents had my brother and I every Friday night before we ended up living with them. They loved it (before things went bad - after that it was a chance to check on us) and looked forward to it. At the same time though my Nana's sister only ever had my cousin (her granddaughter) when her parents went to a funeral. That suited her and it suited my cousin's Mum as well.

I don't understand why people would presume the land such a big role on their parents or PIL's without any discussion. It's beyond rude. You wouldn't just turn up at a nursery or childminder without a discussion about their availability so why would you just assume your parents/PIL were available?

coolcait

As others have suggested - in different words - it's almost a red herring that there is another baby on the way.

OP is already struggling with some aspects of caring for her GS right now, due to health reasons.

That might be the best place to start in having a conversation about childcare. It also allows the conversation to happen ASAP.

I'll add my voice to those who are puzzled that onus for discussing/carrying out childcare seems to lie with the OP and her daughter in law.

The OP's son, who is married to the DIL, and who has fathered both the boisterous GS and the forthcoming arrival, also has responsibilities here.

pollypenny

I've been away so not had time to read all the thread, meri.

You have to speak to your son and DIL about this, not immediately, but when sensible.

You sound as if you are really struggling with GS, in spite of loving him to bits. I'm sure if your son knew how hard you are finding it in the morning, they would try to make other arrangements.

My grandsons are in the USA. While I'd love to be able to help out, I could not contemplate looking after them very day.

dktreesea

Judi wrote: »

I also have this dilemma. My daughter is due to go back to work 1st September at the end of her maternity leave. She's got it in her head that I will have our Grandson whilst she works. I already have him overnight at least once a month as well as the odd days here and there.

I really love my Grandson but I don't want the commitment of having him whilst she is at work too.

Thing is I feel really mean.:(

Why do you feel mean? DON'T! There's childcare vouchers. That's what they are for - so parents (that's parents, not grandparents) can afford to work and make appropriate care arrangements for their child/children.

For those of us who still have working parents, - one of mine worked until she was well into her 70s - we don't factor in parents or grandparents into our care arrangements. What is it about the word "retired" that some parents seem to think actually means "unpaid help, available at their children's convenience"? :mad:

Most children have two parents, perhaps not living together but usually both in the vicinity/available. Why can't your DD and her partner work opposite hours if they don't want to use strangers to take care of their children? Or one of them be a stay at home parent and look after their own children? There's a novel thought!