can you help me?

notanewuser

jackyann wrote: »

Hi! Was it you who posted ages ago about in-laws insisting on driving miles, and carting children about in the car for hours because they disapproved of childcare? Attracted a lot of posts - I have occasionally wondered if they went through with it - it seems they did - and I wonder about the quality of care they are providing in that set up!

Yep. It's complete insanity but all of them seem blind to it. The children are lovely and well loved, but not really stimulated, my in laws are completely exhausted but can't say no. Oh, and FIL is teaching them all how to fight their own battles by hitting back.

Rottensocks

meritaten wrote: »

In the Valley in South Wales where I am, a good third or maybe even half of kids in GSs primary school are taken and/or picked up by grandparents. its 'taken for granted' here that grandparents mind the kids for the parents to work.

Agreed that Grandparents often play a very close knit role in South Wales, as do Aunties etc - as you say you have a number of grandkids, I am wondering whether there is an Aunty or Uncle nearby who could do the school run for your grandson, and thus remove the most stressful part for you?

Alternatively, as DIL is now pregnant, she will be advising her employer at some point.... Perhaps she could put in a flexible working request so that she is able to do the school run? Or perhaps your son could do it? Alternatively, they could come to some arrangement with a neighbour: "You drop the kids off Mon, Tues, I'll drop 'em off Weds, Thurs" or something like that?

There are a lot of options that don't require you to be doing the school run, which frankly is stressy even if you're an able bodied spring chicken!

As you're getting tired too, perhaps consider a cap on the number of hours per day that you have the kids?

There's a lot of commentary about how children shouldn't expect grandparents to do childcare, and I 100% agree with this, BUT you enjoy doing it, so there's no point refusing on a point of principle!

The other thing you could consider is designating certain days to childcare - so you say to them all that you will only be providing childcare on Mondays & Tuesdays - that way you don't get stung every single day with childcare for one or two of your six grandkids!

amus

If its the school run that's difficult for you but you don't mind the actual at home babysitting, you could tell your son you wouldn't mind looking after the baby but if doing so they are going to have to put your GS into before/after school club? That's if you want to of course!


I wouldn't expect my Mum to get up at 7am to get my kids ready for school/breakfast and then have to catch a bus to get them there. Either DIL will have to look at seeing if she can get more convenient hours at work or will have to look into before school club. It isn't that expensive, think in my kids' school its about £8.00 per morning.

jackyann

notanewuser wrote: »

Yep. It's complete insanity but all of them seem blind to it. The children are lovely and well loved, but not really stimulated, my in laws are completely exhausted but can't say no. Oh, and FIL is teaching them all how to fight their own battles by hitting back.

Am both glad that you are not part of this madness, and sad that you have to see kids you care about being cared for this way.
Weird to see how such odd behaviour can become accepted by some folk - am no longer surprised by it!

pollyanna24

meritaten wrote: »

I have six grandchildren and they are my main pleasure in life to be honest. I adore all of them. I love to have them for sleepovers, or come to visit. we do take them out on nice days or have craft days when its rainy.

its the issue of getting GS to school - I have mobility issues and don't drive. luckily, we have a bus stop near. - but the buses don't always co-operate and run on time. and the thought of taking GS AND a baby up to, and back from school is really daunting. that IS the main issue.
and this thread has clarified that for me. its not looking after the baby - I can do that, I can look after GS too. its the 'logistics'! of getting from A to B and back to A again! without too much pain!
I don't mind being unpaid childcare, I don't mind looking after more than one - I am used to it!

Have read some of this thread, but not all of it.

My mum looks after my two little girls while I'm at work three days a week (I do pay her though). When my eldest didn't get in the school that I wanted, I stressed that it would be too much for my mum to get her to the school that she did get in to as she doesn't drive and there is no bus service. So after talking to my boss, he offered to pay for her cab to the school and then wait and return again. It's only a 4 minute drive though, but 25-30 minutes walk (or maybe I just drive fast!) and usually costs about £8-9 for this. Would this be an option? Or even just to get the cab one way and then you could take your time getting back?

jellyhead

It may have already been asked, but I wondered if your DIL absolutely has to start work early, could your son ask his employer for flexible working? It works for my brother and SIL, she starts work early and picks the children up from school, whereas he starts later on after giving the children breakfast and getting them to school.

I think anyone with a child under 5 can ask, but don't quote me on that.

FatVonD

If other shifts are vacant and being offered maybe your DIL could swap her hours to work afternoons instead so that she can do the school run in the morning and then DGS either goes to after school club or your collect him after school (having had a lie in, not having to race against the clock and coming back downhill!) or a mixture of both.

notanewuser

amus wrote: »

If its the school run that's difficult for you but you don't mind the actual at home babysitting, you could tell your son you wouldn't mind looking after the baby but if doing so they are going to have to put your GS into before/after school club? That's if you want to of course!


I wouldn't expect my Mum to get up at 7am to get my kids ready for school/breakfast and then have to catch a bus to get them there. Either DIL will have to look at seeing if she can get more convenient hours at work or will have to look into before school club. It isn't that expensive, think in my kids' school its about £8.00 per morning.

I believe the child gets dropped off at 6am in his pyjamas and that Meri then has to battle him into his clothes, give him breakfast etc then get him to school.

meritaten

lol - no, I get up around 6.15 to 6.30 on GS days - he could arrive any time after that. but its usually around 6.40. and yes he is in his pjs. he sometimes has had his breakfast but, if he wasn't hungry I am happy to provide whatever he wants - even if he does fancy tinned sausage and beans! bless him - his food choices are sometimes a little strange!

globetraveller

I would speak to your son asap. if they are expecting you to look after the baby( without bothering to aks first) then the sooner you have the discussion the better. If you leave it too late, they may use that to guilt trip you- along the lines of , if you had only told us earlier we would have saved more...
Child minders can of course not always be available- illness etc so you can always say you are there for those times. Work out what YOU are happy with. For instance, could they sort the problem of getting you GS to school first thing and then you might want to look after him after school?? Would you be happy to look after the baby a day or two a week?