I want my family back but they hate me

jamesml

Scuffer wrote: »

Thanks, some people have not noticed the intention of the thread and only looked to the crime, its fine though because they probably need to know the facts before they can advise me or are just nosey. I really dont want to accept having to go forward on my own but it is looking like it is my only choice.

This isn't about moving on without them - its about getting yourself to a place where you can sort things out with them, so you can move on together as a family. Sorting yourself out and getting yourself back on your feet is the first step in moving forward together.

Like I said, sort out the things you have control over, and then you'll probably find that the things you don't have control over sort themselves out from there. Pick your battles. Start small. Keep pushing!

ifstar

dandy-candy wrote: »

I'm so sorry for you. I can't believe your solicitor advised you to plead guilty if you hadn't done it! Never mind getting a lesser sentence, you have ended up with a criminal record and that will affect your whole life. It didn't sound like the police took your story seriously which is awful if they didn't find any fingerprints of yours on items inside the bag - were the other guys fingerprints on it? How could you bear being inside for even a week knowing you were innocent? Let alone months!

His solicitor will have told him to plead guilty as he will have seen the evidence stacked against his client and known it is a case that he would not be able to win. A guilty plea would get a lesser sentence. The OP was found in possession of quite a lot of drugs, neither the OP or his co-accused had previous convictions and most likely both probably blamed each other in interview. The judge handed out both sentences and the OP got slightly less.


Gloves could have been used so there is no guarantee there would be fingerprints or DNA on the packages, the best evidence was the drugs being found in his possession, him running away and admitting he had them. I don't think the OP is innocent as you suggest as he knowingly agreed to carry drugs but he served the sentence and is trying to get on with life now.

itsanne

Scuffer wrote: »

I never told my family that i was in trouble and thought i could hide it

After being inside for 3 weeks i made the decision to tell my family i was in prison. I phoned my sister to tell her i was inside and she already knew because it had been published in the local paper she then told me not to call her again because i have brought shame on the family.

Prison was tough, i wrote to my parents telling them i was sorry and they never even wrote back. I sent visitations to them and they never showed up. Even at christmas which was the toughest time of it all i hoped maybe they would forgive me and write to me but they never in my whole 22 months i received no letters or visitors and this really hurt. I needed support.

Now i'm out my auntie has taken me in, she tells me my parents and sister will forgive me eventually. I went around to their house to see them and my mum answered the door telling me to go away because she is so angry and disappointed with me. I'm trying everything to get back on my feet and support from them would be a real confidence boost. I just have no idea how i will get them to forgive me?

You've had enough comments about what you've done and how badly or otherwise your parents reacted, so I'm going to ignore all that.

It seems that you want two things - to be back in a relationship with your family and support from them. You need to separate these two.

To get back into a relationship is going to take a long time. You've already tried, and from what you've said I don't think there's anything else you could have done that would have made any difference. In fact, you did very well to persevere. All you can really do now is continue in a similar fashion by sending birthday cards etc and occasional letters, but other than that you will need to be patient and wait for them to take the next step. Your aunt is bound to keep pressing them, but you need to be both in contact despite the lack of response and a bit distant. Trying to speed things up does not look likely to result in success. Eventually someone is going to regret how things have ended up between you, and once one person relents the others are likely to follow.

Unfortunately that takes us to the second thing you want: your family's support. It won't help to pretend otherwise, but I can't see that you are going to have that at the time you want it, ie the near future. That will have to come from them, and they aren't ready to give it.

So where does that leave you in terms of the support you need? First of all, your aunt is clearly keen to support you. At the same time as being unlucky in how your life has developed, and regardless of all the rights and wrongs it is unlucky to be left without family support, you are very lucky to have her. Please make sure she knows you appreciate it! It's good that you appear to be proactive, because the more you do the less you will crave support from your family. You will actually need less support than you think. Do things to make you happy and feel worthwhile, not to placate your parents, and you will become more self-sufficient and confident. Volunteering, as others have suggested, would be very beneficial for a variety of reasons. You are already trying to find work. Completing your course, even if you have to wait a year, could be an important stepping stone to the next part of your life. If you don't complete it, though, there are other routes to go.

What you have done and what has happened to you is not the end of the world. It is making things that bit harder than they would otherwise have been, but you will get through it.

neverdespairgirl

dandy-candy wrote: »

I'm so sorry for you. I can't believe your solicitor advised you to plead guilty if you hadn't done it! Never mind getting a lesser sentence, you have ended up with a criminal record and that will affect your whole life. It didn't sound like the police took your story seriously which is awful if they didn't find any fingerprints of yours on items inside the bag - were the other guys fingerprints on it? How could you bear being inside for even a week knowing you were innocent? Let alone months!

He said he was paid to take drugs in for someone else - he didn't say he hadn't done it!

If you take drugs somewhere and give them to someone (for money or for any other reason) that is possession with intent to supply. What he said was that the quantity and type of drugs was larger than he had thought.

egoode

My family is currently having issues with my sister not talking to me and barely talking to my Dad and my brother completely refuses to have anything to do with my Dad. And while my family's situation doesn't involve jail sentences etc I know how hard it is to have family turn there back on you.
Unfortunately you can't force them to change their behaviour or how they are treating you all you can do is change things within your control and that means getting on with your life, getting a job and trying to make the best out of the situation you have now. While my sister doesn't want anything to do with me I do still contact her to 'keep the door open' in case one day she changes her mind. I do that by sending her a message on her Birthday and Christmas. If I'm visiting the city she lives in I let her know and ask if she is interested in meeting up but don't expect to get a reply. I'm hoping one day she might eventually see me but in the meantime I get on with my own life and live it as best as I can.

BitterAndTwisted

"Intent to supply" is also indicated by the quantity found in their possession. It would be rather hard to argue that you had a couple of hours of fun in a nightclub on a Saturday night in mind when found with a couple of hundred of tabs of E on your person.

an9i77

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

"Intent to supply" is also indicated by the quantity found in their possession. It would be rather hard to argue that you had a couple of hours of fun in a nightclub on a Saturday night in mind when found with a couple of hundred of tabs of E on your person.

Not always. I know someone who was caught with one pill, and got done for intent to supply. It was taped inside a birthday card addressed to someone else so clearly a gift.

neverdespairgirl

an9i77 wrote: »

Not always. I know someone who was caught with one pill, and got done for intent to supply. It was taped inside a birthday card addressed to someone else so clearly a gift.

That's because the offence is made up of possessing it, and intending to supply it to someone else.

The evidence as to the intention to supply can come as in your example, but quantity is also used as evidence of intent to supply.

JIL

The Op has already had his trial, he was found guilty by a jury and has served his punishment.

He should not be made to relive it again and again, by people speculating who he was, what he should have done, could have done or would have done.

He wants to get some advice about his relationship or lack of relationship with his family, how he can make amends with them.

The truth is, as parents, any of us could be in the same situation as the OPs parents. No child is born with a halo.

Until I was actually in that situation, I really dont know how I would react, I know I would feel really let down, but I could not imagine being in a situation where I would not want to have anything to do with my children.

I really hope in the future you are able to have some sort of relationship with your parents, but for the moment the ball is very much in their court.

Kayalana99

an9i77 wrote: »

Not always. I know someone who was caught with one pill, and got done for intent to supply. It was taped inside a birthday card addressed to someone else so clearly a gift.

The point was if you got found with 200+ pills you couldn't believably claim they were just for you...not that if you got found with 1 pill or 10 pills that you couldn't of had them with intent to supply.

I am guessing someone just wanted to add their story in.