I want my family back but they hate me

Scuffer

Nicki wrote: »

I agree.

Starting your post by referring to a conviction for carrying weed for a friend gives a very different impression to admitting that you in fact were carrying ketamine, heroin or whichever 3 class A drugs OP had in a large quantity on him when he was arrested, don't you think? He could have been up front with what he did whilst still explaining he made an error of judgment but it would have put his parents stunned reaction into better context.

The fact is if this was genuinely the whole extent of what OP did, and he only did it once, and he was the quiet hard working introvert he described with good character witnesses and he pleaded guilty to the offence, then the sentence he describes is not in line with the sentencing guidelines and would surely have been appealed. Yes judges do sometimes do throw the book at people but usually there is a reason for that.

OPs family are upset. There may well be a very good reason for that. OP needs to look at their side of things as well as his own, is all I am saying.

This just shows what you know... The maximum sentence i could have received was 7 years. It was in category 4 of possession with intent to supply. The drugs were MDMA, pills, weed and amphetamine. 20 1 gram wraps of MDMA, 120 pills, 56 grams of cannabis and 45 1 gram wraps of amphetamine.

stripey1969

I'm sorry this happened to you - for a first time offender of previous good characters it does seem like a very harsh sentence; I guess you got a judge who takes a particularly dim view of drug dealing (I'm assuming there are some judges out there that agree with David Nutt that if we're making things illegal based on dangerousness we should ban cigarettes and horseriding before we ban MDMA) and wanted to make an example of you.

I too think your parents have overreacted. Thankfully you have the connection of your aunt so they'll be aware of how you're getting on in life, and so over time it will become clear to them that this was a one-off incident and you're not Scarface. They're not ignoring you because they don't care, but because they care too much and have been hurt. They will forgive you - just hang in there. xx

jamesml

I started quoting some of the posts but to be honest my post would have taken up another 2 pages.

In my opinion, there are way too many people here focussing on the crime, or how the family have reacted. The OP has asked how to get back on track with his family - not whether his family should have forgiven him, or whether or not he was being honest in his original post. To be perfectly honest thats all completely irrelavant to him - I'm sure its nice to hear strangers say his family are being harsh, but its not going to help. Equally, to all those who are focussing on the crime - it doesn't matter what your opinion is on it, and I hardly think that commenting on that is going to help (whether you support or not).

Scuffer - in my opinion you need to forget thinking about them, forget thinking about how you are going to 'win them back' as it were. Focus on yourself. Be happy. Work hard. Relax. Get yourself back to being the person who you were before this all happened - the person your family knew and loved. This is clearly a big deal and your family have taken it hard - and the best recovery is not to pester them and try and be in their face all the time. So the best way back in my opinion is to get them comfortable again. Go and do your thing, find your own happiness and get yourself comfortable with life again. Stop punishing yourself and let yourself move on and achieve your potential. If you are meant to be back with your family, it will happen - but constantly running around trying to force it isn't going to get it done. Trust that what is meant to be, will be. Focus on the things you can control, and let the things you can't control work themselves out.

Just try and put yourself in the best position you can to get things back on track again - don't get hung up on things, stop thinking about the things you can't control.

Good luck mate - and keep going.
"If you're going through hell - keep going".

Scuffer

jamesml wrote: »

I started quoting some of the posts but to be honest my post would have taken up another 2 pages.

In my opinion, there are way too many people here focussing on the crime, or how the family have reacted. The OP has asked how to get back on track with his family - not whether his family should have forgiven him, or whether or not he was being honest in his original post. To be perfectly honest thats all completely irrelavant to him - I'm sure its nice to hear strangers say his family are being harsh, but its not going to help. Equally, to all those who are focussing on the crime - it doesn't matter what your opinion is on it, and I hardly think that commenting on that is going to help (whether you support or not).

Scuffer - in my opinion you need to forget thinking about them, forget thinking about how you are going to 'win them back' as it were. Focus on yourself. Be happy. Work hard. Relax. Get yourself back to being the person who you were before this all happened - the person your family knew and loved. This is clearly a big deal and your family have taken it hard - and the best recovery is not to pester them and try and be in their face all the time. So the best way back in my opinion is to get them comfortable again. Go and do your thing, find your own happiness and get yourself comfortable with life again. Stop punishing yourself and let yourself move on and achieve your potential. If you are meant to be back with your family, it will happen - but constantly running around trying to force it isn't going to get it done. Trust that what is meant to be, will be. Focus on the things you can control, and let the things you can't control work themselves out.

Just try and put yourself in the best position you can to get things back on track again - don't get hung up on things, stop thinking about the things you can't control.

Good luck mate - and keep going.
"If you're going through hell - keep going".

Thanks, some people have not noticed the intention of the thread and only looked to the crime, its fine though because they probably need to know the facts before they can advise me or are just nosey. I really dont want to accept having to go forward on my own but it is looking like it is my only choice.

supersaver2

Just read through your post op and wanted to add my very best wishes. You've paid your debt to society and you certainly come across as remorseful. Concentrate on getting your life on track. Time is a great healer and I really hope you and your family will one day soon be happy again.

Good luck.

BitterAndTwisted

Someone I know through work got conned into taking the risk for someone else in a similar way. He got four years.

As to your family OP I doubt there will be anything you can do to change their attitude other than getting on with your life and being a credit to yourself and them.

You are very, VERY fortunate indeed that your aunt agreed to take you in. Prove her right and make her proud

dandy-candy

Scuffer wrote: »

I did say in the first interview they were his, they spoke to him and denied it. I was bailed to return a 5 weeks later and they charged me even though there was no DNA of mine inside the bag or fingerprints on the drug wraps. Whilst i was in the police cell they searched my house and found nothing relating to drugs and also analyzed my phone which also showed no activity relating to the drugs trade. I was advised by my solicitor to plead guilty so i would receive credit for it and get a lesser sentence. The whole defence was based on my good character and being in my final year of university which my solicitor said losing that would be like giving me a life sentence. The judge said only an immediate custodial sentence can be justified etc etc.

I'm so sorry for you. I can't believe your solicitor advised you to plead guilty if you hadn't done it! Never mind getting a lesser sentence, you have ended up with a criminal record and that will affect your whole life. It didn't sound like the police took your story seriously which is awful if they didn't find any fingerprints of yours on items inside the bag - were the other guys fingerprints on it? How could you bear being inside for even a week knowing you were innocent? Let alone months!

lavalamp

I know someone who got a four year sentence for a very silly mistake and he had a previously good character, his own business, a pregnant wife. The sentence was very harsh for what happened (it wasn't drugs like yours), but the judge wanted to make an example. It can happen to anyone. The best thing you can do is like others have said - go on with your life and do the best you can to make them proud of you and maybe one day, they will come round. Don't ever stop hoping.

I'd like to add, you've done your time and it doesn't matter what you did before (even if it hadn't been a silly mistake) - it's what you do next that matters.

whodathunkit

heartbreak_star wrote: »

OP, you did your time and also used the time inside to do something useful with yourself - so many would not have done.

If I had a company, I would employ you.

Good luck - and if your family don't come around, that's their problem not yours. Concentrate on yourself

HBS x

I may well have missed this - what are you thinking about here?

heartbreak_star

OP did a qualification while they were in prison, it's mentioned somewhere but I can't find it >.<

HBS x