I want my family back but they hate me

DKLS

There was a friend at Uni who got caught doing something similar, didn't help at all parking up next to the undercover Drugs squad marquee at Glastonbury!

He was sentenced to 5 years and lost everything, but he did his time and over time has successfully turned his life around and become successful and a model citizen.

heartbreak_star

OP, you did your time and also used the time inside to do something useful with yourself - so many would not have done.

If I had a company, I would employ you.

Good luck - and if your family don't come around, that's their problem not yours. Concentrate on yourself

HBS x

19lottie82

whodathunkit wrote: »

And what other information are you privy to?

None, hence why I'm not making judgemental comments.

whodathunkit wrote: »

Committing a major offence is unlikely to be the same thing as making a daft mistake

Unlikely, yes, but not uncommon.

whodathunkit wrote: »

if one of my children were punished for major drug dealing, I hope my response would be something other than "poor diddums"!

Me too. But if it was clear that it was a one off, they had been punished, and were trying their hardest to get their life back on track, I would support them, rather than turning my back on them.

ifstar

Well I think I've found the story online but I'm not going to post it as it mentions Scuffers real name and has his picture and he has served his time for the crime.


What I will say is that it says that they were found with a stash of drugs, including cannabis, MDMA, morphine, as well as sedatives and both hallucinogenic and psychedelic drugs. So whether Scuffer was only carrying cannabis or not, the two together had quite a lot with them.


It does also say that further drugs and paraphernalia were found at their home addresses.


To Scuffer, just get on with your life as best you can. It's obviously still fresh for your family. They may come round over time but the best thing you can do is make sure you are completely away from drugs and any old friends still involved and make something of yourself.

jozxyqk

OP you come across as articulate and remorseful. You've served your time but unfortunately that was just the start.

As others have said, just try to focus on rebuilding your life, you might have to start with agency / temp work and you'll probably have to make do with basic / unrewarding jobs for a while. But, every day is one more step away from your past. You might be able to transfer the partial credit from your degree to another uni or course in the future.

I hope that you can reconcile with your family in time.

DigForVictory

I don't think your family hate you. But shrivelled with embarassment & shame & fury they probably look that way from where you're stood.

So, give the whole village something else to talk about - get back into Uni, get work, give blood - do the whole public spirited thing. If nothing else, it gives you something other than your spell inside at interview to talk about.

Find a local scout pack & ask if your career path to date excludes you completly from Scouting? We're all CRB checked - it might, but if you don't ask (and you'll need 2 referees too) you certainly won't get. If you can get in, brilliant!

Meanwhile, keep trying to get off benefits & back into Uni & all the very best.

rpc

whodathunkit wrote: »

Committing a major offence is unlikely to be the same thing as making a daft mistake - if one of my children were punished for major drug dealing, I hope my response would be something other than "poor diddums"!

So what punishment would you dish out on top of the one that society has determined to be appropriate? Lifelong exile?

If it were my child, I would be really bl00dy annoyed but I would hope that I would also support them in rehabilitation. Our justice system isn't terribly good at rehabilitation and it takes work, but better to help someone turn around and make something of their life than condemn them forever based on a single crime.

DigForVictory wrote: »

Find a local scout pack & ask if your career path to date excludes you completly from Scouting? We're all CRB checked - it might, but if you don't ask (and you'll need 2 referees too) you certainly won't get.

At which point you need to be brutally honest. As someone who carries out PVG checks (the Scottish equivalent) and makes recommendations based on them, surprises give me far more concern than upfront honesty.

OP is not long out of prison, so it might be too close (I'd be hard pressed to recommend recruiting a recently released drug dealer for the roles I look at). But the concept of doing worthwhile volunteering is a good one.

DKLS

rpc wrote: »

OP is not long out of prison, so it might be too close (I'd be hard pressed to recommend recruiting a recently released drug dealer for the roles I look at). But the concept of doing worthwhile volunteering is a good one.

Me neither too much CRB malarky required in my sector, but I do have a friend who runs a business and his two top performing salespeople are ex coke dealers who wanted to go straight. He took a chance with them, started them off with the basic stuff and built from there and both of them are now in management positions. So not saying its easy by any means but there are people and companies like Timpsons willing to give people a chance.

OP If all else fails reinvent yourself , change your name get a passport and move or head overseas, Kibbutz, Moshav would be good options or try and find building work in europe scandinavia, tree planting in British columbia, yacht sitting in the med, there is great book titled Work your way around the world thats really useful.

Consider finishing your degree abroad, I know someone who has gone to Romania to get a MBA, price here 20k, Romania 4k including accommodation, food and travel costs.

JIL

whodathunkit wrote: »

You've been a member here for nearly 5 years and you can actually believe this?

whodathunkit wrote: »

And what other information are you privy to?

Most people would consider making their own mind up to be a positive thing.

I could not agree more!!

Scuffer

dandy-candy wrote: »

Sorry if I missed the answer to this, but did you tell the police/court that these were the other blokes drugs? If they were in his rucksack surely so were his other belongings? And if he is already a known drug dealer it would seem like quite a lot to back up your story?

I did say in the first interview they were his, they spoke to him and denied it. I was bailed to return a 5 weeks later and they charged me even though there was no DNA of mine inside the bag or fingerprints on the drug wraps. Whilst i was in the police cell they searched my house and found nothing relating to drugs and also analyzed my phone which also showed no activity relating to the drugs trade. I was advised by my solicitor to plead guilty so i would receive credit for it and get a lesser sentence. The whole defence was based on my good character and being in my final year of university which my solicitor said losing that would be like giving me a life sentence. The judge said only an immediate custodial sentence can be justified etc etc.