I want my family back but they hate me

lavandergirl_2

Time can be a great healer. Move forward and be the best that you can be.


If there is a need to talk to someone, Samaritans offer a 24 hour service.

Samaritans 08457 90 90 90
http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

Also, there might be a nearest Relate where you live. I believe they deal with family relationships and offer counselling.

http://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-family-life-and-parenting/family-counselling

bagpussbear

I'm sorry to hear your family have treated you quite harshly - you did wrong yes, but there was influence/lies from your girlfriend's brother and it sounds like he got away scot free.

Have you properly explained to your family what exactly happened with this guy? Maybe they might mellow if they knew the whole story?

Agree with others that the best way to go forward would be to rebuild your life. Think of the prison sentence like a 'pause' in your young life, get back on the Uni course, get a job, keep your nose clean etc.

Time heals, but I don't think you should be begging for their forgiveness either and indeed you can't force them to accept you, just be the best person you can be and hopefully they will come round.

ska_lover

Scuffer, I really feel bad for you.

To add a different spin on things, I don't think you have done much wrong to your family - they have done wrong to you!

You broke the law, tried to smuggle some weed into a music festival. Not killed someone. I would NEVER wash my hands of my son, esp for something like this.

You had a bad choice, and the only person it hurt is you. The only person it hurt is YOU, yet your family seem to want to twist it around to being about them! And furthermore, to inflict their own brand of punishment on you...

Other people who are saying that it impacts those on the outside if you go to jail, yes it does - massively - if they are actually part of your life, but your family estranged themselves from you deliberately. But in this case, it didn't even impact your families life to the degree of the cost of a stamp..

You seem a real smart young chap who made a mistake. We all make mistakes. Allow yourself to move on from this. If they don't want to know, let them carry on, and concentrate on building your own future.

If it were me, I would not be going grovelling. You have nothing to apologise to them for, you have served your sentence and should be allowed to move on. Your family will not want you to move on if they are going to take it so personally as to write you off. One mistake and they write you off. I think they have done far more wrong to you, than you to them - when you needed them most, they weren't there

an9i77

Another one here who thinks your parents are being overly harsh. I can understand them being angry at the time, but not giving up on you like this and certainly not after you've done your time. If my son was ever in trouble like this (not likely now, he's only three!) I hope I would, whilst being upset, forgive him if he showed signs of remorse/making amends. I mean it's not like you're a hardened criminal and this is your 43rd offence, is it.
And now you are out and trying to get your life back on track - well are they saying you are completely irredeemable and have no chance of ever being accepted by them again just for one mistake a few years ago (admittedly a big one)? Well, that's just incredibly harsh.


I think you need to accept that the door is closed, for now, but not locked forever. Get on with your life and let them know that they are welcome back in your life in the future (if that is what you decide). I wish you luck, it's certainly a tough one especially after all you've been through.


PS lots of people carry drugs into festivals. Not in the quantities you describe, and I'm not saying I agree with it, but please don't think of yourself so badly, what you did whilst a crime true is not the worst crime in the world.

Lily-Rose_3

I can't add much to what people have already said Scuffer, only that I feel very sorry for you, and I hope your life takes a turn for the better soon. I do agree though that your family are coming across as very very judgemental and harsh.

Reading between the lines, it sounds like they are more worried about what other people think than your actual crime. If you had robbed a bank, fleeced benefits, beaten your wife, been jailed for drinking and driving, ANYTHING else, I believe they would have behaved the same, because they appear to care about what other people think more than what you have actually done wrong!

Can your aunt have a word with them to ask WHY they are so unforgiving? Like the people who have already posted, I can't imagine one single thing that would make me reject my daughter: I would be angry and upset, and would tell her so, but the way they have reacted is irrational and does not fit your crime. Although I despise drugs, and everything that goes with them with a passion - I also acknowledge that not everyone is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. What's more, you have paid for your mistake. It's not like you got away with it, and you're smug about it. THEN you'd deserve contempt IMO.

Good luck x

liney

Except it wasn't 'just weed.' He attempted to smuggle a significant quantity of class A or B drugs, presumably to sell, into a festival.

Yes, apparently for a girlfriend's brother, but how many parents have heard: "They aren't my cigerettes. I'm just looking after them for a friend."

Your parents are understandably furious. You need to prove you are not the article they now perceive you to be. I suggest you write to them on a regular basis to try and keep communication open. Update them on your study/job, so that they can become proud of you again. Send birthday cards; Mother's Day is comming up. I'm sure they will respond eventually.

sooty&sweep

Hi
I'm sorry to sound hard but I think you need to take responsibility for your mistake. You knew you were carrying drugs, you knew it was illegal, hence the payment from your girlfriend's brother.
I agree with alot of others on here who think your parents reaction is harsh but the cynic in me wonders if they've seen you do stupid things before and heard you say sorry as if saying sorry makes it alright. I then wonder what you're sorry about, the stupid thing or that you got found out. Was this your first offence / run in with the police ?
It's easy to say sorry but I think you need to show your family that you realise you've done something daft but you've learnt your lesson and you are going to get on with your life.
However from what you've said you're on the right track ! I very much doubt your family hate you ! So work hard, keep your nose clean and hopefully with time your family will start to talk to you.
I hope it works out with your family,
Jen

apesxx

Take it your girlfriend didn't stick around either? Best thing you can do is try to rebuild your life and I'm sure that in time, if they see you are doing good again that they will eventually forgive. I too think your parents reaction was harsh, you made a massive mistake and paid the price. Can you get back onto the uni course? I think that would probably be the best thing for you if you can x big hugs x

Wilma33

Are you still with your girlfriend?

meritaten

yes, you were stupid and you knew that at the time. but, you have paid for it. I think your family are being hard on you. under the circumstances my kids would have had a heck of a borrocking, but I wouldn't cut them off!
all you can do now is to live life as best you can. my guess is that aunty took you in with the blessing of the family and she will be 'reporting' to them.
Just do your best hun, you didn't 'hurt' anyone except yourself. and you learned a valuable lesson - don't trust people who ask and pay you to do 'favours' if its even slightly dodgy.