Am I being unreasonable?

OrkneyStar

It's a hard one. On the one hand I can see where you are coming from with the smoke (yuck!), on the other hand some might say it is only a short time. Has the smoke issue come up before (when you were together say?), in other words does he already know how you feel about it yet has gone ahead and made those arrangements? How does your daughter feel about it- will she realise she is not seeing daddy any more this weekend or was she not aware? TBH I think he has put you in an awkward situation and it's not fair, but then I suppose life isn't! Just some thoughts that might help you decide, good luck!

shoe*diva79

OrkneyStar wrote: »

It's a hard one. On the one hand I can see where you are coming from with the smoke (yuck!), on the other hand some might say it is only a short time. Has the smoke issue come up before (when you were together say?), in other words does he already know how you feel about it yet has gone ahead and made those arrangements? How does your daughter feel about it- will she realise she is not seeing daddy any more this weekend or was she not aware? TBH I think he has put you in an awkward situation and it's not fair, but then I suppose life isn't! Just some thoughts that might help you decide, good luck!

Yes he is aware. He also hates his parents smoking and would always complain how much our clothes stank when we would visit them whilst we were together and I have told him before I would prefer DD wasn't at their property for prolonged periods.

DD isn't aware that she would be seeing him this weekend. He often lets her down (like last weekend!) so I don't let her know anymore as seeing her face being let down is heartbreaking.

To be honest, I think my mind is made up, I would rather she was with me. Its going to create a huge row I am sure but like you say, life isnt fair and Ill just have to deal with the fallout.

lazer

how would you feel if your ex told you that you couldn't let your daughter stay with your parents because of of x,y & z.


The parents don't actually smoke when your daughter is there and are obviously concerned about your daughters welfare, so perhaps you could come up with a compromise, could your ex's parents look after her in his house instead?

Bennifred

I think you are right not to leave your daughter in a smoke-filled atmosphere. The fact that they don't smoke in the house when she is there doesn't take away from the fact that she will still be breathing in (and touching, possibly transferring into her mouth) all sorts of noxious substances which are in their house.

shoe*diva79

lazer wrote: »

how would you feel if your ex told you that you couldn't let your daughter stay with your parents because of of x,y & z.


The parents don't actually smoke when your daughter is there and are obviously concerned about your daughters welfare, so perhaps you could come up with a compromise, could your ex's parents look after her in his house instead?

Would depends on the reasons he gives. To be honest, if my folks smoked then they would be welcome to come to my house but i wouldn't be spending prolonged periods at their house. I cant stand the smell of smoke.

I have asked him to rearrange his plans so that he can, as we had arranged, look after his daughter. Ive given him until Wednesday lunchtime and then I am booking her a seat on the plane.

Georgiegirl256

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

My ex would not be amused. But then I dont feel happy leaving her in an environment that can be detrimental to her health. He thinks I am over reacting.

If they're definitely not going to be smoking in the house, I would say that you ARE over reacting.

uk_american

Difficult situation, as it sounds like they're stepping up by only smoking outside (so changing their usual lifestyle pattern) as well as offering to have her for the night.

Although we know more these days about the effects of '3rd hand' smoke: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7813124.stm

This is a US site, one of the major cancer research hospitals on the topic: http://www.mayoclinic.org/third-hand-smoke/expert-answers/faq-20057791

Is there any chance another relative or friend could host your daughter overnight, and then let your ex's parents have some time with her in the morning? Some people of that generation are not yet in tune with the dangers, but it sounds like their intentions are good, so wouldn't want to burn any bridges if they're willing to compromise...

shoe*diva79

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

If they're definitely not going to be smoking in the house, I would say that you ARE over reacting.

knowing the effects of 2nd/3rd hand smoke, I dont feel I am overreacting, but I appreciate your opinion.

shoe*diva79

uk_american wrote: »

Difficult situation, as it sounds like they're stepping up by only smoking outside (so changing their usual lifestyle pattern) as well as offering to have her for the night.

Although we know more these days about the effects of '3rd hand' smoke: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7813124.stm

This is a US site, one of the major cancer research hospitals on the topic: http://www.mayoclinic.org/third-hand-smoke/expert-answers/faq-20057791

Is there any chance another relative or friend could host your daughter overnight, and then let your ex's parents have some time with her in the morning? Some people of that generation are not yet in tune with the dangers, but it sounds like their intentions are good, so wouldn't want to burn any bridges if they're willing to compromise...

I have asked but sadly there isn't anyone who can look after her for me until the Friday.

*max*

For just one night, I definitely think you are overreacting, especially as they wouldn't be smoking inside.