My ex still thinks we're together

thorsoak

indie_kid wrote: »

woulfn'tt you be !!!!ed if someone was clearly leading you on?

he cannot lead you on if you do not want to be lead on! Listen to us, indie kid!

*max*

What's going on here? :undecided

You call him your ex, even though you never had a relationship with him - and never wanted one.

You say he is harassing you and thinks you're his girlfriend, yet you continue seeing him, and keep in contact with him.

You get annoyed that he talks to his ex in front of you, and claim he is "leading you on", even though YOU DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM, never had one, claim he is harassing you and won't leave you alone. Yet you sound....jealous?

It sounds a bit like you don't want him, don't even like him, but you are afraid of losing the attention.

Talk about confusing! It's getting ridiculous now.

fireyfirenze

Indie_Kid wrote: »

Woulfn'tt you be !!!!ed if someone was clearly leading you on?

he isn't leading you on because you never wanted to go out with him in the first place! arghhh

Person_one

Indie_Kid wrote: »

Woulfn'tt you be !!!!ed if someone was clearly leading you on?

Indie Kid, I think your Asperger's is making this really difficult for you.

Its screamingly obvious to all of us that this man is not a man you should want to be around, talk to, see, or think about. It seems like its not as obvious to you.

What is it that's making you reluctant to cut all ties and stop communicating with him and thinking about him?

itsanne

Indie_Kid wrote: »

Woulfn'tt you be !!!!ed if someone was clearly leading you on?

As I said earlier, your Aspergers is causing you problems here. I think the man has problems other than dyslexia. So let's take things one step at a time. (I am assuming you do not want a relationship with this man.)

You keep calling this man your "ex". If you did not have a relationship with him he is not your ex. Don't think about him as your ex - it's confusing, for you as well as for us.

If someone likes you in a way that you don't like him, do not meet up for coffees etc. Meeting up gives mixed messages. That means you are telling him one thing but acting in a different way, so he is not sure what you really mean.

When he asks you to meet up, tell him no but do not give reasons why you can't. It makes it sound as if you would if you could - mixed messages again. Don't say when you'll see him next.

If he keeps texting you, do not respond to the texts. Tell him you don't want him to text you and then block his number. You do not need him to text you with information about your club - get someone else to do that.

It is not rude to talk to someone you don't want to, or to tell him to leave you alone in front of other people. Tell him loudly, deliberately letting other people hear. Make sure everyone else does know that you want nothing to do with him.

If you don't want to be his girlfriend, do not worry about whether or not he has a girlfriend. It's actually easier for you if he does.

Stop being " !!!!ed if someone was clearly leading you on". He's not, and if he was trying to it doesn't matter because you don't want to be involved.

I think you should get your mum or your dad to speak to your coach.


One other thing - when you do meet someone you want to have a physical relationship with it is important to practise safe sex to protect yourself from infections, not just to avoid pregnancy.

Zalem33

just don't agree with any of this

you are stringing him along. you are giving out mixed signals which makes him come back for more. tell him that its over and let that be that.

itsanne

Zalem33 wrote: »

just don't agree with any of this

you are stringing him along. you are giving out mixed signals which makes him come back for more. tell him that its over and let that be that.

You need to read the OP's posts. She has already stated she has difficulty because of Aspergers.


As an aside, and not saying you shouldn't be, how have you wound up on a UK site which is primarily money saving?

yvonne13_2

Indie_Kid wrote: »

Broke up with someone a few weeks ago. It was nothing serious and I wasn't sure if I wanted to go out with him.

I told him I didn't want a relationship and his response was to constantly text me and ask to meet up for lunch. My disabilities make meeting up in public somewhat physically painful and mentally draining.

We haven't seen each other since and he's finally stopped contacting me.

He's at the same running club as I; so I can't ignore him forever.

When I next see him, (no idea when this would be) what do I say or do? No one in the club is aware of what happened with me and him. He wanted me to keep quiet and not tell anyone.

Indie_Kid wrote: »

Confused as to why he thinks this:

He asked me towards the end of last year if I wanted to go out for dinner with him and I thought nothing of it. He then asked me out after we had dinner and I said I wasn't sure. He told me to ignore the age gap. I'm 24 and he's 38.

He then asled me if I wanted to go for lunch on the Saturday and I said no. (I run and do longer runs on a Saturday, plus my disabilities cause a lot of issues when I'm out) He wasn't overly happy with this. But it's something I had no choice in. I don't like huge noisy crowds, too much noise is physically painful.

I told him I was't too sure if I wanted a relationship with him and never actually said I wanted to go out with him.

He then wouldn't stop contacting me and I asked him to leave me alone. I ended up blocking his number because he kept on asking me if I wanted to go for lunch with him.

Fast forward to Monday:
He asked me if I wanted to go for lunch with him today and I said I had plans, although the other person wasn't too sure if he'd be busy that day and would get back to me. He said he was busy and we should arrange a different time. I then told my friend that we could go out for lunch if he still wanted too.

We went out today. We were talking and he said something that confused me - something about him coming around for dinner. I am rarely home in the evenings; so that's very unlikely to happen. I thought nothing of it. He mentioned a girlfriend and I'd assumed that he'd met someone.

He then mentioned his children, which I was sort of aware of. He has a teenager and he said it was getting to the stage where he has an interest in girls. Not wanting to be a grandparent again just yet, (he has a grandchild which is something to do with a previous relationship he had) he was going to do the sensible thing and buy his son some condoms. He then said that he couldn't have children, due to having the snip last year. I then said something - I have been advised by the doctors that I can't have children due to the medication I'm on.

We were then driving home. I mentioned something about how our running coach had mentioned something about going abroad next year for a race and he said he can't get a passport due to his criminal record. He then was talking about marriage and how when we get married (we're not even engaged, which just makes his comments just strange) I'd have to change my name to his, including my passport, which I don't have yet.

He then asked when am I due to next go up to London and I said there's a race there which I'm going to do in May. He wasn't that happy that I'd chosen to go by myself and booked a hotel room without him.:mad: He appeared to want me to change my booking (which I can't do) and book a double room instead and he'd give me the money.

I am very confused as to where he got it from that we're together. Considering I've told him I don't want a relationship with him, nor did I ever say yes. I thought that going for lunch was just that and not a date. I have male friends (I'm female, btw) who I meet up with a lot for various things, including lunch. And it's just that - 2 friends meeting up for lunch.

It seems odd also that nothing was ever said about our "relationship" for the last few months. I was under the impression (because nothing else was ever said) that we were just friends. I have never actually said I want to be with him.

OP you were seeing this man on the quite hence you calling him your ex and being jelous. Sorry to be rude but how did you forget you were dating the man?

itsanne

yvonne13 wrote: »

OP you were seeing this man on the quite hence you calling him your ex and being jelous. Sorry to be rude but how did you forget you were dating the man?

Blindsided wrote: »

Why agree to go for dinners etc then. Just tell him no thanks and cut ties, if all is as you suggest, he sounds extremely odd tbh

Indie_Kid wrote: »

Do you not do things like with your friends then?

Indie_Kid wrote: »

If it makes any difference, I am Autistic .

It does make a difference to OP's perception of what has been going on. She didn't recognise "dates".

owen_money

tiger_eyes wrote: »

"Hi, [person]. It's been fun hanging out with you, but I just want to make it clear that I'm not interested in a relationship with you. Thanks!"

Harsh............................