My ex still thinks we're together

tea_lover

If you've never been more than friends why are you referring to him as your ex?

January20

Indie_Kid wrote: »

Confused as to why he thinks this:

He asked me towards the end of last year if I wanted to go out for dinner with him and I thought nothing of it. He then asked me out after we had dinner and I said I wasn't sure. He told me to ignore the age gap. I'm 24 and he's 38.

He then asled me if I wanted to go for lunch on the Saturday and I said no. (I run and do longer runs on a Saturday, plus my disabilities cause a lot of issues when I'm out) He wasn't overly happy with this. But it's something I had no choice in. I don't like huge noisy crowds, too much noise is physically painful.

I told him I was't too sure if I wanted a relationship with him and never actually said I wanted to go out with him.

He then wouldn't stop contacting me and I asked him to leave me alone. I ended up blocking his number because he kept on asking me if I wanted to go for lunch with him.

Fast forward to Monday:
He asked me if I wanted to go for lunch with him today and I said I had plans, although the other person wasn't too sure if he'd be busy that day and would get back to me. He said he was busy and we should arrange a different time. I then told my friend that we could go out for lunch if he still wanted too.

We went out today. We were talking and he said something that confused me - something about him coming around for dinner. I am rarely home in the evenings; so that's very unlikely to happen. I thought nothing of it. He mentioned a girlfriend and I'd assumed that he'd met someone.

He then mentioned his children, which I was sort of aware of. He has a teenager and he said it was getting to the stage where he has an interest in girls. Not wanting to be a grandparent again just yet, (he has a grandchild which is something to do with a previous relationship he had) he was going to do the sensible thing and buy his son some condoms. He then said that he couldn't have children, due to having the snip last year. I then said something - I have been advised by the doctors that I can't have children due to the medication I'm on.

We were then driving home. I mentioned something about how our running coach had mentioned something about going abroad next year for a race and he said he can't get a passport due to his criminal record. He then was talking about marriage and how when we get married (we're not even engaged, which just makes his comments just strange) I'd have to change my name to his, including my passport, which I don't have yet.

He then asked when am I due to next go up to London and I said there's a race there which I'm going to do in May. He wasn't that happy that I'd chosen to go by myself and booked a hotel room without him.:mad: He appeared to want me to change my booking (which I can't do) and book a double room instead and he'd give me the money.

I am very confused as to where he got it from that we're together. Considering I've told him I don't want a relationship with him, nor did I ever say yes. I thought that going for lunch was just that and not a date. I have male friends (I'm female, btw) who I meet up with a lot for various things, including lunch. And it's just that - 2 friends meeting up for lunch.

It seems odd also that nothing was ever said about our "relationship" for the last few months. I was under the impression (because nothing else was ever said) that we were just friends. I have never actually said I want to be with him.

You're sending out mixed messages! Even I was confused by your post!
When he asked, you said you weren't sure if you wanted a relationship with him? Then later in your post you say you told him you didn't want a relationship with him? Which is it really? What have you clearly told him?

He sounds like the kind of man who needs it spelt out for him, so spell it out! you can't just assume he will guess what you want/ don't want. He also sound like the kind of man who would take any interest as a romantic interest, and you seem to be spending a lot of time with him, more than I would spend with any of my friends for instance, so no wonder he is getting the wrong idea!

HPoirot

Indie_Kid wrote: »

It seems odd also that nothing was ever said about our "relationship" for the last few months. I was under the impression (because nothing else was ever said) that we were just friends. I have never actually said I want to be with him.

Ah, you were just friends, and yet you call him your "ex". If you are giving out this kind of mixed messages here, then I wonder what kind of messages you are giving him???

itsanne

I'd stop worrying about him thinking you're together and make it plain you're not. If you don't want to be in a relationship and he does, meeting up with him as a "friend" is giving very mixed signals. If those of us reading on here are confused, no wonder he is. You need to stop seeing him at all. Problem solved.

marisco_2

You say you blocked his number because he wouldn't stop contacting you. So how did he get in touch to ask you out for lunch? Why go to the effort of cutting contact and then agree to see him?

Going by what you have portrayed as his current state of mind, I think you would be wise to be unavailable for a good while. Always have somewhere else to go when he wants to get together. Set boundaries through your behaviour and he will hopefully get the hint. If he really doesn't ease off after this then maybe a quiet word about how you want no contact would probably help. He has got use to doing things a certain way. You were his 'go to' person. If you're not available he'll have to find someone else to rely on.

thorsoak

Just tell him that (1) that you have no plans for marriage - least of all to him: (2) that you have no plans for children with him and (3) that you do not fancy him and (4) you are not a couple!

Hermia

He sounds odd, but I don't understand you either! You call him your ex, you go out with him when you know he is interested and you come up with excuses for not seeing him instead of being direct. I am confused.

meritaten

I see that YOU see him as a friend, but he is seeing something totally different. Take the blinkers off Indie kid. you want to keep things friendly and he is seeing it as encouragement that you want more. and with this guy I would say 'cut all contact'. because what you say is scary. a lunch and a dinner doesn't usually lead to discussion of marriage.

andygb

OP, I think that you are giving out really mixed signals to this guy, who is obviously the sort who will read too much into it anyway.
I think that you have to cut all ties ASAP.

iammumtoone

I would say its an age thing why you view things differently. You are 24 you are used to having lots of single friends of the opposite sex. 38 year olds don't tend to have so many single friends not of their gender and if they do it is always made very clear from the beginning that friendship is all it will be.