My ex still thinks we're together

Indie_Kid

Confused as to why he thinks this:

He asked me towards the end of last year if I wanted to go out for dinner with him and I thought nothing of it. He then asked me out after we had dinner and I said I wasn't sure. He told me to ignore the age gap. I'm 24 and he's 38.

He then asled me if I wanted to go for lunch on the Saturday and I said no. (I run and do longer runs on a Saturday, plus my disabilities cause a lot of issues when I'm out) He wasn't overly happy with this. But it's something I had no choice in. I don't like huge noisy crowds, too much noise is physically painful.

I told him I was't too sure if I wanted a relationship with him and never actually said I wanted to go out with him.

He then wouldn't stop contacting me and I asked him to leave me alone. I ended up blocking his number because he kept on asking me if I wanted to go for lunch with him.

Fast forward to Monday:
He asked me if I wanted to go for lunch with him today and I said I had plans, although the other person wasn't too sure if he'd be busy that day and would get back to me. He said he was busy and we should arrange a different time. I then told my friend that we could go out for lunch if he still wanted too.

We went out today. We were talking and he said something that confused me - something about him coming around for dinner. I am rarely home in the evenings; so that's very unlikely to happen. I thought nothing of it. He mentioned a girlfriend and I'd assumed that he'd met someone.

He then mentioned his children, which I was sort of aware of. He has a teenager and he said it was getting to the stage where he has an interest in girls. Not wanting to be a grandparent again just yet, (he has a grandchild which is something to do with a previous relationship he had) he was going to do the sensible thing and buy his son some condoms. He then said that he couldn't have children, due to having the snip last year. I then said something - I have been advised by the doctors that I can't have children due to the medication I'm on.

We were then driving home. I mentioned something about how our running coach had mentioned something about going abroad next year for a race and he said he can't get a passport due to his criminal record. He then was talking about marriage and how when we get married (we're not even engaged, which just makes his comments just strange) I'd have to change my name to his, including my passport, which I don't have yet.

He then asked when am I due to next go up to London and I said there's a race there which I'm going to do in May. He wasn't that happy that I'd chosen to go by myself and booked a hotel room without him.:mad: He appeared to want me to change my booking (which I can't do) and book a double room instead and he'd give me the money.

I am very confused as to where he got it from that we're together. Considering I've told him I don't want a relationship with him, nor did I ever say yes. I thought that going for lunch was just that and not a date. I have male friends (I'm female, btw) who I meet up with a lot for various things, including lunch. And it's just that - 2 friends meeting up for lunch.

It seems odd also that nothing was ever said about our "relationship" for the last few months. I was under the impression (because nothing else was ever said) that we were just friends. I have never actually said I want to be with him.

Blindsided_2

Why agree to go for dinners etc then. Just tell him no thanks and cut ties, if all is as you suggest, he sounds extremely odd tbh

daisiegg

Why are you saying he is your 'ex'? Sounds from your story like you never thought you were together?

tiger_eyes

"Hi, [person]. It's been fun hanging out with you, but I just want to make it clear that I'm not interested in a relationship with you. Thanks!"

Indie_Kid

Blindsided wrote: »

Why agree to go for dinners etc then. Just tell him no thanks and cut ties, if all is as you suggest, he sounds extremely odd tbh

Do you not do things like with your friends then?

Yorkie1

From the way you've described all the dinners etc with him, I wonder whether you're inadvertently giving out mixed messages?

He does sound rather like a controlling person and I would consider cutting contact completely - and making it far more clear than you've described above.

Tiglath

Umm, are you snogging him etc? That'd be kind of key, I would've thought.

DannyBo

He's your ex?

And you're going out for dinners, maybe that's the reason ??!!!!!

DUTR

Indie_Kid wrote: »

Confused as to why he thinks this:

He asked me towards the end of last year if I wanted to go out for dinner with him and I thought nothing of it. He then asked me out after we had dinner and I said I wasn't sure. He told me to ignore the age gap. I'm 24 and he's 38.

He then asled me if I wanted to go for lunch on the Saturday and I said no. (I run and do longer runs on a Saturday, plus my disabilities cause a lot of issues when I'm out) He wasn't overly happy with this. But it's something I had no choice in. I don't like huge noisy crowds, too much noise is physically painful.

I told him I was't too sure if I wanted a relationship with him and never actually said I wanted to go out with him.

He then wouldn't stop contacting me and I asked him to leave me alone. I ended up blocking his number because he kept on asking me if I wanted to go for lunch with him.

Fast forward to Monday:
He asked me if I wanted to go for lunch with him today and I said I had plans, although the other person wasn't too sure if he'd be busy that day and would get back to me. He said he was busy and we should arrange a different time. I then told my friend that we could go out for lunch if he still wanted too.

We went out today. We were talking and he said something that confused me - something about him coming around for dinner. I am rarely home in the evenings; so that's very unlikely to happen. I thought nothing of it. He mentioned a girlfriend and I'd assumed that he'd met someone.

He then mentioned his children, which I was sort of aware of. He has a teenager and he said it was getting to the stage where he has an interest in girls. Not wanting to be a grandparent again just yet, (he has a grandchild which is something to do with a previous relationship he had) he was going to do the sensible thing and buy his son some condoms. He then said that he couldn't have children, due to having the snip last year. I then said something - I have been advised by the doctors that I can't have children due to the medication I'm on.

We were then driving home. I mentioned something about how our running coach had mentioned something about going abroad next year for a race and he said he can't get a passport due to his criminal record. He then was talking about marriage and how when we get married (we're not even engaged, which just makes his comments just strange) I'd have to change my name to his, including my passport, which I don't have yet.

He then asked when am I due to next go up to London and I said there's a race there which I'm going to do in May. He wasn't that happy that I'd chosen to go by myself and booked a hotel room without him.:mad: He appeared to want me to change my booking (which I can't do) and book a double room instead and he'd give me the money.

I am very confused as to where he got it from that we're together. Considering I've told him I don't want a relationship with him, nor did I ever say yes. I thought that going for lunch was just that and not a date. I have male friends (I'm female, btw) who I meet up with a lot for various things, including lunch. And it's just that - 2 friends meeting up for lunch.

It seems odd also that nothing was ever said about our "relationship" for the last few months. I was under the impression (because nothing else was ever said) that we were just friends. I have never actually said I want to be with him.

You two go out more than my current GF and I, and it's not for not being able to afford it either.
Suggest to your ex he join POF or such like, he may get some dates from there and soon you will be history, it's a win win.

Person_one

I think it'd be safer for you to tell him very firmly that you don't want to have a relationship with him and then cut all contact.

This sounds very very odd, how did you meet this man in the first place?

starrybee

I too am confused how you can call him an 'ex' if you went out for one lunch and then you kept saying no for a while, and then you've gone on (just one?) 'friendly' lunch...at what point were you ever in a relationship?

Anyway, he sounds very odd with the talk of marriage and I'd have thought this was a friendship not worth hanging on to.