What would be fair amount for a 21 year old to pay?

System

Do you not think charging him forty pounds but expecting him to do his own laundry and keep his own room clean might be treating him more like an adult ?

I can't imagine the parent of any working wage child wanting Mum in their bedroom . You clean a child'sroom not an adult's room ...........and anyway suppose you came across something you didn't want to see (not anything bad ...just something that made you think of your son in a way us Mummies might know but really don't admit to ourselves our young men do )

Its more efficient for me to do a full wash load than do bits here and there. My son isn't heavy on his washing and his jeans would need to be washed separately from the rest of his clothes. Seeing as he wears probably 2 pairs a week, it wouldn't be cost effective to put the washer on for just 2 pairs a week when I can wash them with my husbands.

He probably doesn't want me in his bedroom but since he doesn't like vacuuming or dusting and I cant be arsed nagging him so I do it. If he wants to do it himself, he's quite welcome to do so. Ive told him this by the way. Since I refuse to have a room in my house that is dirty I do it my way. I am quite broadminded as to what my son gets up to. When I hang his clothes in his wardrobe, there is a big box of condoms up on the shelf. Its been opened too (and not by me). I do not net nanny his pc but he knows that if he pirates films or watches extreme !!!!!! then if he got in trouble over it its his pc its on and not mine or his Dads. He's got pictures of naked ladies as his wallpaper on his pc. That's up to him. His girlfriend sleeps over on a weekend. Its taken a bit of getting used to but hey, he's not a little boy.

Oh and this thread is about how much to charge an adult dependant board, not slag someone off as to what they do for their adult children.;) You bring up your children how you want and I will mine.

Mojisola

silvercar wrote: »

I disagree, it depends on the attitudes that you have been brought up with. The idea of the adult children living at home is to avoid "wasting" money on rent, utilities, insurance etc. Very :money:

An adult living off someone else's money is an odd view when that someone else is their parent. Families support each other. The idea of sitting down for a family meal and analysing that you are eating someone else's food is strange.

I like to think that, knowing they are always welcome to come home, helped my children become the independent people they are.

Every meal, every day?

Every time you switch on a light, run the water, feel the heat come on, someone else's wages are paying for it. Unless I was paying in kind by, say, doing all the housework/helping to renovate the house/etc, I would find it embarrassing.

Once I became an adult, I stopped being my parents' responsibility. As family members, we all mutually support each other - whatever's needed, financially, caring, DIY, etc. - but the relationship is different. It's not "I'm still your child, you've got to look after me", rather "We're all adults who help each other out".

Is there an age when you think it isn't all right for your children to come home and live off you? If you were on a pension and your "child" was earning £50k, would it be alright for him/her to come to live with you and not contribute anything to the household expenses?

FBaby

lostinrates wrote: »

I don't find the cooking odd. In our house sometimes one cooks for all, sometimes we feed ourselves.

I do find the idea there is no impact on finances surprising. One of my parents lives with us. The bills have gone up a shocking amount.

Cooking one meal for all makes sense but in this case shouldn't the task be shared? Some parents look after their kids by doing tasks fire them they should be doing themselves others by giving them the chance to save for a mortgage deposit quicker.

Bennifred

duchy wrote: »

And you *believed* her ? :rotfl: :rotfl:
Spelling, grammar and maturity level debunked that pages ago

but in my defence (:p) there are one or two teachers I know who would match that spelling, grammar and maturity level - shockingly!

claire16c

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

This seems like a very fair solution. You're correct in saying, that £45 a week is more than enough to cover any bills/food etc. That's why I don't understand some parents charging way over the odds (IMO of course!) just because they can and just because they feel they have to teach their offspring the value of money....surely by that age they'd have a good understanding of money and what things cost anyhow?

Obviously not all parents are doing it because they feel they have to teach the child the value of money etc, some really are financially struggling, and if said child is earning a decent amount, then a sense of what's right and wrong should kick in, and they should offer their parents the money.

Back to the quoted post above, I'd make him clean his own room though!

I agree. I never got charged any rent as I moved out when I finished uni so I didnt live at home when I had a full time job. I did live at home during my gap year, but I worked for 6 months and then went travelling and my parents had no need for my money. Obviously I used to pay for any clothing, treats, toiletries etc myself. And theres no way my mum would clean my room, she did used to do my washing sometimes but only because it made more sense to chuck everything in together, Id then do my own ironing.

Im sure if I lived there now I would be paying rent, although not market rate by any means, my parents have paid their mortgage off so that would be ridiculous. And then in that case you may as well be living elsewhere!

However my DH moved in with them for a while, when I was at uni and his landlord sold the flat he was living in, and then just charged him a nominal amount for food. I think they wanted to make sure he put as much money as possible into savings, so that we could afford to both move out when I finished my studies. (That was more beneficial to them, clearly if someone is struggling for money I can see why they might need to charge more.)

However they got other stuff out of him that was much more useful to them. He spent many a weekend chopping down trees, helping in the garden, lugging heavy stuff about for them etc that they might have needed to have paid someone to do otherwise.

Im not even sure that people can say that being charged rent at home has anything to do with being savvy with money later on in life anyway.

My husbands brother was charged rent (which was fair enough my DHs mum needed the money), but when he moved out he bought a house on a 105% mortgage, is now in massive negative equity, spent the 5% extra on complete rubbish and hardly has any savings. He was just never taught about money by his parents and didnt have a clue.

Surely its about what you get taught by your parents, not just whether they charge you rent or not. My parents have often helped me out with things money wise when I was a student for example, and I was very lucky in that respect, but I also knew never to take out ppi on a credit card, always pay off the credit card in full each month, understood about interest and loans, always check the small print and stuff like that.

I dont think giving your kids a financial education is just down to the amount you take from them!

BitterAndTwisted

These threads always end up with the same dull bickering and comparing of notes. I don't think it matters what other parents decide to do or not or what children in the same position thought of it. All that matters is what the OP thinks is fair. That's obviously not going to be the same for everyone but the maxim "no-one rides for free" seems a sensible one to me. Other mums and dads can do what they like.

Fieldsofgold

Judi wrote: »

Its more efficient for me to do a full wash load than do bits here and there. My son isn't heavy on his washing and his jeans would need to be washed separately from the rest of his clothes. Seeing as he wears probably 2 pairs a week, it wouldn't be cost effective to put the washer on for just 2 pairs a week when I can wash them with my husbands.

He probably doesn't want me in his bedroom but since he doesn't like vacuuming or dusting and I cant be arsed nagging him so I do it. If he wants to do it himself, he's quite welcome to do so. Ive told him this by the way. Since I refuse to have a room in my house that is dirty I do it my way. I am quite broadminded as to what my son gets up to. When I hang his clothes in his wardrobe, there is a big box of condoms up on the shelf. Its been opened too (and not by me). I do not net nanny his pc but he knows that if he pirates films or watches extreme !!!!!! then if he got in trouble over it its his pc its on and not mine or his Dads. He's got pictures of naked ladies as his wallpaper. That's up to him. His girlfriend sleeps over on a weekend. Its taken a bit of getting used to but hey, he's not a little boy.

Oh and this thread is about how much to charge an adult dependant board, not slag someone off as to what they do for their adult children.;) You bring up your children how you want and I will mine.

Don't you think it rather odd to describe the domestic arrangements with another adult living in the household as "bringing up children"?

System

Fieldsofgold wrote: »

Don't you think it rather odd to describe the domestic arrangements with another adult living in the household as "bringing up children"?

No. They will always be my children no matter how old they are.

Maybe you would like me to post 'grown up children' next time or have you got a better name for them?

Oh and whats that got to do with the original question.

Stop nit picking!

neverdespairgirl

FBaby wrote: »

I agree that I find a parent still shopping, cooking meals doing laundry for an adult child much more shocking than not expecting the to contribute financially.

I'm not sure why - if the parent's doing it all, then yes, it would be odd.

But a lot of the time it's easier and simpler to do washing at the same time for different people (say, a load of whites, or woolens) and to cook a meal for 4 rather than 2.

So long as everyone does a share of it, I don't see why it has to be my-washing and your-washing.

As I said earlier in the thread, the younger of my sisters and my brother live with my parents. They don't do their own washing, exactly - when there's a load of whatever, whites, or colours, or delicates, whoever's passing sticks it on, and if someone else is passing when it finishes, hangs it up to dry. I do that too, when we stay for a few days, or bring the washing in if it's dry or starting to rain.

My sister and brother do things around the house, such as bringing in fuel for the stoves, watering plants outside, cleaning bathrooms, but not just their own stuff and nothing else.

lostinrates

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I'm not sure why - if the parent's doing it all, then yes, it would be odd.

But a lot of the time it's easier and simpler to do washing at the same time for different people (say, a load of whites, or woolens) and to cook a meal for 4 rather than 2.

So long as everyone does a share of it, I don't see why it has to be my-washing and your-washing.

As I said earlier in the thread, the younger of my sisters and my brother live with my parents. They don't do their own washing, exactly - when there's a load of whatever, whites, or colours, or delicates, whoever's passing sticks it on, and if someone else is passing when it finishes, hangs it up to dry. I do that too, when we stay for a few days, or bring the washing in if it's dry or starting to rain.

My sister and brother do things around the house, such as bringing in fuel for the stoves, watering plants outside, cleaning bathrooms, but not just their own stuff and nothing else.

I don't think it matters which way the chores are broken down. S long as they are, However, I do feel that if there is space for 'own rooms' then an adult child or adult should be taking care of that. Having someone put your clothes away in a cupboard for example (and noticing your condom use:rotfl:) would be claustrophobic for me, though I am happy to fold and put on a bed. On our household DH and I feel differently to RP about bedrooms and personal space. Practically this means RP is happy for me to put washing inside the bedroom where as if its carted up for me I ask its left on the landing out side my door (not all our clothes go in our room anyway).

One of the issues in our three adult household that we are currently negotiating is how RP and I should divide chores becAuse IMO its not right ATM. I feel its the same as when I was an adult living at home and these discussions were raised (by me or them) as my time there or whatever changed or my parents wanted to do something. E.g.......' Can you undertake to live here for at least another six months so we can stay overseas without arranging something for the house?' Or DH saying, 'why don't you stop paying someone to do all the outside maintenance and let me do it?'

ATM DH is still doing huge amounts despite a hugely heavy working week, and the house should be mainly 'my job' as a sahw. RP should however be contributing and while RO certainly DOES contribute practically its often very well meaning but not effective, and DH and I are considering suggesting rather than just 'chipping in' (which effectively means waiting for me to ask which makes me feel frustrated and naggy) that RP takes certain takes as theirs.

ATM this works reasonably well with one task. When RP is home neither DH nor I dare touch the dishwasher! :rotfl:


We find no trouble in our household making up entire loads of washing without combining, so its easier for us to wash separately.

Fwiw, my resident parent also pays 'keep'. (We don't use that word but I like it!). The keep does not cover the change in bills when RP is here, which is causing some frustration, not that it costs more exactly, but that the use is so reckless and different to our own.

We eat together at weekends and through the week arrangements differ.