What would be fair amount for a 21 year old to pay?

duchy

Judi wrote: »

When our son starts full time employment we will be looking at charging him £45 a week. The household bills don't come to that much and he doesn't eat loads but i'll do his laundry and clean his room, much like I do now.


We could charge him more and I know he would pay more if he had a place of his own but he doesn't and £45 a week is fair for what he uses.

Do you not think charging him forty pounds but expecting him to do his own laundry and keep his own room clean might be treating him more like an adult ?

I can't imagine the parent of any working wage child wanting Mum in their bedroom . You clean a child'sroom not an adult's room ...........and anyway suppose you came across something you didn't want to see (not anything bad ...just something that made you think of your son in a way us Mummies might know but really don't admit to ourselves our young men do )

FBaby

I agree that I find a parent still shopping, cooking meals doing laundry for an adult child much more shocking than not expecting the to contribute financially.

Georgiegirl256

Kayalana99 wrote: »

And what will your kids learn? My Dad charged me £250 a month when I was on a part time wage - he's a millionaire.

See, this is what I find shocking about parents charging their kids keep! :eek: If someone is in a position like the OP where every penny counts, the son is on a better wage than his parents etc, then yes, I agree, they should be charged a fair amount for their keep....but, I'll just point out, if the parents are finically comfortable then they don't have to charge 'keep' to teach the kids a valuable lesson in money, there are other ways.

My parents were no way near millionaires, no way near....but even from when I was little, I was brought up to understand the value of money, and how to save etc, they didn't have to charge me keep just for me to learn that., there are other ways and means you know.

lostinrates

FBaby wrote: »

I agree that I find a parent still shopping, cooking meals doing laundry for an adult child much more shocking than not expecting the to contribute financially.

I don't find the cooking odd. In our house sometimes one cooks for all, sometimes we feed ourselves.

I do find the idea there is no impact on finances surprising. One of my parents lives with us. The bills have gone up a shocking amount.

Mojisola

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

...but, I'll just point out, if the parents are finically comfortable then they don't have to charge 'keep' to teach the kids a valuable lesson in money, there are other ways.

There are and lots of parents do this.

The big problem for adult children who live for free at home is that they get used to living on their salary without having to think about bills. When they leave home, they can get into financial problems because they don't have a clue about how much they need to spend on rent, utilities, insurance, etc.

Even if parents don't need a contribution from their adult children, why should an adult expect to live off someone else's money? I'd have been embarrassed to live at home, eating food bought with my parents' wages, keeping warm with gas bought with my parents' wages, etc, while spending my wages on myself.

Georgiegirl256

Judi wrote: »

When our son starts full time employment we will be looking at charging him £45 a week. The household bills don't come to that much and he doesn't eat loads but i'll do his laundry and clean his room, much like I do now.


We could charge him more and I know he would pay more if he had a place of his own but he doesn't and £45 a week is fair for what he uses.

This seems like a very fair solution. You're correct in saying, that £45 a week is more than enough to cover any bills/food etc. That's why I don't understand some parents charging way over the odds (IMO of course!) just because they can and just because they feel they have to teach their offspring the value of money....surely by that age they'd have a good understanding of money and what things cost anyhow?

Obviously not all parents are doing it because they feel they have to teach the child the value of money etc, some really are financially struggling, and if said child is earning a decent amount, then a sense of what's right and wrong should kick in, and they should offer their parents the money.

Back to the quoted post above, I'd make him clean his own room though!

Georgiegirl256

Mojisola wrote: »

There are and lots of parents do this.

The big problem for adult children who live for free at home is that they get used to living on their salary without having to think about bills. When they leave home, they can get into financial problems because they don't have a clue about how much they need to spend on rent, utilities, insurance, etc..

Very true. My parents encouraged me to save, and I had a good understanding of what bills/food etc costs, so for me personally, it wasn't such a shock when I got my own house, and I'm grateful to them for that. I do appreciate that perhaps some kids are mollycodled and can end up like you mention above, and that is perhaps a failing on the parents part?

Mojisola

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Very true. My parents encouraged me to save, and I had a good understanding of what bills/food etc costs, so for me personally, it wasn't such a shock when I got my own house, and I'm grateful to them for that. I do appreciate that perhaps some kids are mollycodled and can end up like you mention above, and that is perhaps a failing on the parents part?

It certainly is. If the job is done properly (and putting aside illness and disability), children become capable independent people.

silvercar

Mojisola wrote: »

There are and lots of parents do this.

The big problem for adult children who live for free at home is that they get used to living on their salary without having to think about bills. When they leave home, they can get into financial problems because they don't have a clue about how much they need to spend on rent, utilities, insurance, etc.

Even if parents don't need a contribution from their adult children, why should an adult expect to live off someone else's money? I'd have been embarrassed to live at home, eating food bought with my parents' wages, keeping warm with gas bought with my parents' wages, etc, while spending my wages on myself.

I disagree, it depends on the attitudes that you have been brought up with. The idea of the adult children living at home is to avoid "wasting" money on rent, utilities, insurance etc. Very :money:

An adult living off someone else's money is an odd view when that someone else is their parent. Families support each other. The idea of sitting down for a family meal and analysing that you are eating someone else's food is strange.

I like to think that, knowing they are always welcome to come home, helped my children become the independent people they are.

lushlifesaver

Sorry I have not read all of the thread but a few things jump out straight away:

thorsoak wrote: »

To be honest, YOU are not being fair to HIM! How on earth is he going to manage a mortgage plus all the other outgoings that go with house-ownership if he does not pay a realistic amount when he is earning really good money?
He needs to get accustomed to living on a budget - he doesn't "need" all the things that he is spending his money on at the moment ....which he probably can't even account for.

^^ I agree with this 100%. Where is all his money going if he isn't paying for his pampered lifestyle (and he is being pampered/spoilt if you are doing his laundry, cooking and more for him at 21!)?

girlycara wrote: »

I own a home, I am a teacher and have done other part time work, and I pay my own way for EVERYTHING, but in the family home, no chance. what sort of family demands payment? its obscene

Obscene?! I chose to contribute as a way of thanking my parents for the hard work they spent 19+ years putting in. I acknowledge that I cost money and it shouldn't all sit on their shoulders. I wanted to celebrate them and honour them by showing how grateful I was and to show that I was taking my place as an adult in the family.
Just to echo the below:

R_P_W wrote: »

It shouldn't have to be demanded....it should be offered

I OFFERED rent/board/keep (whatever you want to call it) from the age of 19 when I moved home and started to commute to university. How young is the 'relatively young' you class yourself to be? You sound to be living in a dream. Yes children cost but I don't think parents expect to still be footing every bill for them once they become an adult in every sense of the word! As it stands I have probably received more back from them than I ever put in and will no doubt continue to do so - not only financially but in many other ways.


OP's son is 21 and earning almost as much as his parents combined. Even with car payments, mobile phone bills and the nice things in life he should still have plenty left over from a months wages to pay something towards his own keep and save to get on the housing ladder. If he doesn't learn what things cost now how will he cope if he ever does move out?


I would have sat him down and shown him exactly what life costs as an adult. Not as a parent as an ADULT.
Council Tax - he lives in the property
Water - bath/shower/toilet/drinks/laundry etc
Gas/Electric - if he's in the house when the heating is on/charges anything/uses any appliances he should contribute
Groceries - as you've said he eats it (even if he does tehn supplement it for himself)
Cleaning products - he contributes to the washing/lives in the house which will need cleaning
Transport
TV License - presume he watches TV too?
Phone/broadband - doubt he can say he never uses either
Home insurance - he has valuables in the house he wants protecting?
Pension contributions
Mortgage/rent
and the rest!


I am 23, earn half as much as him and am 36 weeks pregnant. I still manage to save over £500 per month despite all of the above costs. My partner and I have a nice house in which we have some very nice things, none of which have been bought on credit, and are still managing to save substantial amounts with a view to one day getting a foot on the housing ladder.I am very realistic about the cost of living, nothing is cheap any more and I appreciate everything we have to the full. We are also aware we are in a very fortunate position as two people under 30 who are able to live the way we do.


He is on more than we are combined and living the life of riley having to pay very little for it. As Thorsoak has said - it is almost a parents responsibility to teach their child about these things in life.


If it is his choice to stay at home and not rent a place of his own then that is his choice but he must accept that there are costs involved. Costs increase as children become adults, yes they also change but more food, more even standard things (food etc) go up.


In my family, and my partners, it is understood that if you start full time employment you pay the equivalent of one day a weeks earnings in 'board' and are also expected to take on many of your own costs. In partners house this came back in the form of a very nice gift at 18 or 21, in my parents it comes back gradually as gifts, support and a fund in any possible future times of need.


It's not taking for takings sake!