Have I played it to hard to get??

burnoutbabe

do you really want someone you don't know from Adam able to read every post you have made? and see who your friends and family are? see you on holiday with your ex? and any comments on upcoming events you may attend? it just seems strange to want someone who you have not met, who you think "may be nice but who knows".

Once you have actually met, and get on and both agree to meet again, then sure, add them. But not before meeting and sussing out what sort of person they are.

CC-Warrior

I am so glad to have NO online presence.
If someone wants to be my friend they can be my friend in real life, speak to me on the phone, meet up with me in person for some real social interaction.

I find people that play mind games really off putting. I think you should just be honest.

QuackQuackOops

lantanna wrote: »

Ok, so heres the story!


Met a guy on a dating website and we have been texting for about two weeks including one lengthy phone call.


He seems like a nice guy and we have a lot in common. Anyway I was conscious of playing a bit hard to get and so did i.e saying I was busy when I wasn't and not replying for a few hours etc with the messages. Anyway things progressed and we were soon chatting a lot and agreed to meet up on Saturday.


Then yesterday he decided to send me a FB request and text me to say that he knew my surname obv - from FB. I flipped out and was a bit rude and said that we wouldn't be friends on FB as I didn't know him well enough.


Anyway I hadn't heard from him today (which is totally unusual). So I text him just saying hows tricks? He replied - Feeling crap - very abrupt etc.


So now of course I'm paranoid thinking that he's changed his mind and I was too rude.


Any thoughts? Obviously I don't want to ask is there something wrong as I will look like a stalker - but at the same time I'm gutted as he seemed like a really good guy

Whats with the Game Playing and silly Facebook nonsense?

Are you a teenager?

A really good guy wouldnt be sulking over a rejected friendship thingy.

QuackQuackOops

lantanna wrote: »

My timeline etc is set for close friends only - but it doesn't stop people looking you up.


Am I the only one here who thinks its a bit strange he tried to add me on FB when we have only been chatting for 2 weeks!! and have never met!

I dont think you were wrong about being freaked out......I probably would be too.

But there again, I dont have a page on Facebook filled with personal stuff for anyone to look at.

If I did, I wouldnt be happy either though. I guess I would expect him to ask me if he could be my facebook friend and not just send a request.

But Im old fashioned hence not having a Facebook page anyway............I just dont get all this viewing each others personal business trend.

QuackQuackOops

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

Back in the real world, phone him up, apologise, invite him around for tea, explain yourself.

No, dont do this. You'll seem desperate.

Trust your gut. Your gut didn't like the way he went about things. He won't improve as time goes on.

Hermia

burnoutbabe wrote: »

But the "I'm going to track you down and work out your surname" is a bit weird.

Without knowing his intentions I don't think it is necessarily weird. My friend does internet dating and has had so many bad experiences with men lying about being married that she now does a LOT of research on social media first.

FBaby

Hermia wrote: »

Without knowing his intentions I don't think it is necessarily weird. My friend does internet dating and has had so many bad experiences with men lying about being married that she now does a LOT of research on social media first.

I totally agree with this. I didn't bother doing 'checks' when I met with guys I went to meet just in case, however, when I got really good vibes, a number of long emails exchanged, phone calls and some level of opening up, then I didn't want to get my hopes up and into something potentially and so would indeed check their surname and even on occasions 192 to ensure there was no hidden wife (although I think I only did this after a first meeting).

Saying that, I have been in contact with men who were much too keen too quickly and it ended up being quite difficult to get the message that I wasn't interested, so the less they knew about me the better. Facebook never came about, but I would not have signed up as friends at any stage before ensuring I was happy for them to be part of my life, even if only as acquaintances and that they wouldn't use it as a mean to hassle me.

Orlando_Virgin

I think it's sad that Facebook plays such an avid part in people meeting these days. It's like it's become an active step in getting to know someone.

1. Meet them online or in flesh
2. Find out each other's names and add them on Facebook
3. Possibly exchange numbers then snapchat
4. Start Dating or don't and delete

A lot of people add the other on Facebook purely just to "stalk" them and have a look at what they post, the company they keep, and get a genuine window in to what the other person is like. It's like a lazy way of getting to know someone without asking so you can make your own judgement.

Personally, I'd have been a lot more hesitant to give out my number rather than my Facebook add, but swings and roundabouts.

The one thing that I do find strange is that he searched on google etc, this all could have been avoided by him just texting "Do you have Facebook?" and then asking if he could add you or if it's too soon. My guess is that he didn't see it as a big deal at all, and he's confused and probably p*ssed off that you've reacted like you have, and so is sulking via text, which is pathetic in my opinion at this early stage.

I'd move on and have a re-think about the "stages" you want to move in if you do connect with someone online, or just go with the flow and don't overthink!