Have I played it to hard to get??

lantanna

Ok, so heres the story!


Met a guy on a dating website and we have been texting for about two weeks including one lengthy phone call.


He seems like a nice guy and we have a lot in common. Anyway I was conscious of playing a bit hard to get and so did i.e saying I was busy when I wasn't and not replying for a few hours etc with the messages. Anyway things progressed and we were soon chatting a lot and agreed to meet up on Saturday.


Then yesterday he decided to send me a FB request and text me to say that he knew my surname obv - from FB. I flipped out and was a bit rude and said that we wouldn't be friends on FB as I didn't know him well enough.


Anyway I hadn't heard from him today (which is totally unusual). So I text him just saying hows tricks? He replied - Feeling crap - very abrupt etc.


So now of course I'm paranoid thinking that he's changed his mind and I was too rude.


Any thoughts? Obviously I don't want to ask is there something wrong as I will look like a stalker - but at the same time I'm gutted as he seemed like a really good guy

balletshoes

brutally honestly?

unless you are about 12, whats the point of these silly games?

If you like him, stay in contact. I don't really understand any of your "he sent me a fb request, I was rude back", bla de bla - its facebook, its not real life.

You haven't met each other in real life, so just keep to friendly texts, if he wants more contact with you/to re-establish contact with you in other ways except by text, he will. If he doesn't, move on.

Alikay

Well, yes you DO sound a bit spiky,tbh! I'm not on FB myself, but from what I hear some people have everyone-and-his-dog as FB friends, so to refuse someone you're dating seems a bit off. If a man did that to me I'd be a bit hurt, plus be wondering what he had to be so secretive about....a wife or girlfriend perhaps?

I'm sure you can find a way to give the man a bit of encouragement if you're interested in seeing more of him, but he may be one of those more open types who doesn't get why you're keeping him at arms length: The fact that you've met on a dating website suggests you'd like a relationship, so why the games?

BitterAndTwisted

For someone who you haven't even met yet I think him finding you on Facebook and contacting you via the site is pushy/borderline stalkerish. I wouldn't have welcomed contact via that medium either and would have been slightly alarmed. If he doesn't understand that then be glad if your contact with him has come to an end.

pops5588

I think you answered your own question I don't think you need to ask him, you know what's wrong, you admitted yourself that you flipped out and were rude!

Two weeks into getting to know someone new is very early to have a tiff, I think it might make me have a re-think if I were in his situation.

If I were in your position I think what I would do is say sorry for flipping out the other day, I'm new to all this and I have really enjoyed chatting with you. Leave the ball in his court.

I also agree with balletshoes, leave the games at the door

nickyhutch

If you're "playing" anything and "flipping out", no wonder he's being abrupt.

paulineb_2

lantanna wrote: »

Ok, so heres the story!


Met a guy on a dating website and we have been texting for about two weeks including one lengthy phone call.


He seems like a nice guy and we have a lot in common. Anyway I was conscious of playing a bit hard to get and so did i.e saying I was busy when I wasn't and not replying for a few hours etc with the messages. Anyway things progressed and we were soon chatting a lot and agreed to meet up on Saturday.


Then yesterday he decided to send me a FB request and text me to say that he knew my surname obv - from FB. I flipped out and was a bit rude and said that we wouldn't be friends on FB as I didn't know him well enough.


Anyway I hadn't heard from him today (which is totally unusual). So I text him just saying hows tricks? He replied - Feeling crap - very abrupt etc.


So now of course I'm paranoid thinking that he's changed his mind and I was too rude.


Any thoughts? Obviously I don't want to ask is there something wrong as I will look like a stalker - but at the same time I'm gutted as he seemed like a really good guy

I understand you being wary about accepting someone you hardly know on facebook, what I dont understand is the game playing, saying you are busy when you aren't, not replying for a few hours with the messages?

Why? You dont want to seem too keen? Its playing games, its not the worst thing in the world to do but there are people who won't do that.

I dont understand from your first post how he knew your surname, unless of course you had told him it and he tracked you on facebook from there.

Also, Id also be wondering whether you'd be quite so gutted if that incident with FB didnt happen. Him being a good guy didnt seem to matter when you were playing hard to get.

Id send one more text saying sorry for my reaction but Im wary about adding people I dont know v well on facebook and I hope we can continue chatting, all you can do really

And no more games, its not necessary.

pops5588

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

For someone who you haven't even met yet I think him finding you on Facebook and contacting you via the site is pushy/borderline stalkerish. I wouldn't have welcomed contact via that medium either and would have been slightly alarmed. If he doesn't understand that then be glad if your contact with him has come to an end.

I take your point but I get the impression from the OP that her issue is not so much that he found her on facebook but more that he sent her a request as she felt it was "too soon"?

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong OP. But if this is what is really your issue then I personally would be baffled. If you were uncomfortable with him finding you and behaving in a stalkerish manner then surely you wouldn't be this disappointed in the change of behaviour on his part...

lantanna

Thanks for the comments.


Re the FB thing, I'm not one of those people who has everyone and his dog as a friend on FB. There is a lot of personal info on there and also if someone wants to know something about me then I like them to ask not see it on FB.


He came up with my surname through google I imagine and place of work etc.


Yes I take on board all of your points about playing too hard to get - I suppose for me it was a different tact to my previous consistent approach of always being available etc to which I always ended up getting hurt.


Thanks for the comments - time will tell, if that's it then I'll just have to write it down to experience and move on

StuC75

He's sounding the Odd one here admitting to looking you up on facebook.. Especially before you have even met - So No you're not Dating him at the moment.

You can bet he's probably looked through your timeline and pics. I had something similar happen last year where they even added as being in a relationship very early on....

StuC75

What you have to watch for is if your mobile phone number is linked to your facebook profile, then if you swap mobile phone number - which happens if you want text \ whatsapp..

The person then uses Facebook app on there phone, where it has a people you may know section - where it looks up your contacts and numbers against the facebook public information - thereby showing who that person is..

This is why my mobile number isn't linked to my profile anymore!

paulineb wrote: »

I understand you being wary about accepting someone you hardly know on facebook, what I dont understand is the game playing, saying you are busy when you aren't, not replying for a few hours with the messages?

Why? You dont want to seem too keen? Its playing games, its not the worst thing in the world to do but there are people who won't do that.

I dont understand from your first post how he knew your surname, unless of course you had told him it and he tracked you on facebook from there.

Also, Id also be wondering whether you'd be quite so gutted if that incident with FB didnt happen. Him being a good guy didnt seem to matter when you were playing hard to get.

Id send one more text saying sorry for my reaction but Im wary about adding people I dont know v well on facebook and I hope we can continue chatting, all you can do really

And no more games, its not necessary.