Can't Cope with my 80 year old Mother any more

red_devil

RAS wrote: »

red devil

Your experience was your experience, about which you post on virtually every single thread to do with mothers.

Susan has her own experience. Yours has no relevance to her experience.

How rude are you, susan didnt mind me posting that so why should you and surely any experience is relevant.

it was a bit more than just not seeing eye to eye but im not going into it on here. All im saying is its been horrible since she died. If we had not been speaking when i got the news then i think it wojld have been ten times worse.

Mojisola

red_devil wrote: »

My mum and i didnt always see eye to eye and there was a period about 3 years ago or so where we didnt speak. However we got back on speaking terms and i am glad i did.

Last may she died and everyday i think about her and i dream of her often. Even tho she had faults i dearly wish she were still alive. Im glad we were ok with each other when she died.

i think you have to think carefully before cutting a parent off, siblings maybe but that tie with a parent is different. Just my opinion.

Have you had any help dealing with your feelings?

Everyone's experience is different and Susan's health is going to suffer if she continues as things are.

SlimmingSusan

red_devil wrote: »

How rude are you, susan didnt mind me posting that so why should you and surely any experience is relevant.

it was a bit more than just not seeing eye to eye but im not going into it on here. All im saying is its been horrible since she died. If we had not been speaking when i got the news then i think it wojld have been ten times worse.

I do get what you are saying Red Devil, but RAS is right, this has been a very long time coming, it is almost a last ditch attempt at using the very little strength I have left, and the dynamics have to change.

Think of it like this, my mother has only one child, will she want to leave this earth never speaking to me again. I'm afraid she has to look at herself for once, and the ball is in her court now. As someone said earlier, a relationship works both ways and it has been too one sided for too long. Enough is enough.

Did not mind you posting though, as I value many insights and opinions, gets me out of my bubble.

his_missus

SlimmingSusan wrote: »

Thanks Miss Price, honestly all the advice I am getting is going in at last. I feel like a broken animal licking it's wounds.

So which diet works best then, and which club should I join, I love walking and am in beautiful Lancashire with a lot of access to fells etc, so maybe will start there.

I want to reclaim my body, soul and myself before it is too late. Thanks for all the support.

I live in Lancashire and there is a local ramblers group specific to my area (not that I've ever used it, mind), I'm sure there must one local to you.

(hope the link works)
www.walkinginlancs.co.uk/groups.php

Are there any groups you can join at uni?

red_devil

How would you feel now ss if you got a call to say mum had died. Would you feel relief, sadness or what.

Have you asked her why she is so nasty, could she be suffering from dementia.

SlimmingSusan

red_devil wrote: »

How rude are you, susan didnt mind me posting that so why should you and surely any experience is relevant.

it was a bit more than just not seeing eye to eye but im not going into it on here. All im saying is its been horrible since she died. If we had not been speaking when i got the news then i think it wojld have been ten times worse.

I do empathise red devil, as dad passed away in may also, and am grieving massively for him whilst going through this. Itr is like an open wound. Also dad had dementia for the whole 7 years since the day of his stroke (vascular dementia happens instantly) and so I was not able to say goodbye properly, and the last day I saw him alive, he looked into my eyes and we had a very strong bond there. That same day my ex husband took my daughter from my house, saying she was staying at her boyfriends mothers, when he had bought a house to move her into with him. Dad died 3 days later, and Mum gave my ex consent to choose the funeral and speak, all over me, and completely denies my divorce. I am pretty amicable with my ex, this bonkers family is not his fault.

SlimmingSusan

red_devil wrote: »

How would you feel now ss if you got a call to say mum had died. Would you feel relief, sadness or what.

Have you asked her why she is so nasty, could she be suffering from dementia.

Good question, not relief in any way shape or form, a lot of sadness and regret, both for her and her life, and for myself and what could have been.

She has no dementia, personality problems but not dementia, bright as a button, but a very negative protective mindset.

moremore

I have not read all the threads..... but the way I see it you let your mother destroy your confidence, you became an adult when you reached the age of 18 or maybe it was 21 then. You were not tied to her apron strings. Why did you stay around instead of going out and making your own way in life. If that had happened you and your mother could have been friends.

SlimmingSusan

moremore wrote: »

I have not read all the threads..... but the way I see it you let your mother destroy your confidence, you became an adult when you reached the age of 18 or maybe it was 21 then. You were not tied to her apron strings. Why did you stay around instead of going out and making your own way in life. If that had happened you and your mother could have been friends.

This is probably the most insensitive, badly thought out post ever.

thorsoak

You can love your mother and accept the fact that she does not treat you well - and you also have to accept the fact that she is not going to change now!

Arm yourself with this fact, try and put some distance between the pair of you, and try to allow yourself to love yourself!