Double Life

hanginginthere

cllola wrote: »

Hi

I have not been in your position but didnt want to read and run. Is he saying the relationship with this other woman is definitely over and he wants to make a go of it with you?

Yes he is, i know he has no contact whatsoever with her for the last 6 months,

Are there children involved?

one 15 year old girl

Personally if i were you i'm not sure i would ever be able to trust him again and as you say you dont love him any more. If it were me i would be ending the relationship, a marriage with no love or trust is not a marriage.

I hope things work out for you what ever you decide to do xx

thank you, my head knows the right thing is to end this, my heart tells a different story, he is like my best friend, only he stabbed me in the back.

POPPYOSCAR

hanginginthere wrote: »

while i am not convinced he would have done it, i got a late night phone call from a roof-top and i was not willing to take the chance. we have one teenage daughter, the last thing i wanted was to be taking her to the graveyard.

So you are going to stay with him forever because he might decide to do it if you do not?

POPPYOSCAR

hanginginthere wrote: »

thank you,

i dnt want to waste my life, i want to start living again, but it is easier said than done, i hae been with him for half my life.

i know the woman was everything he hated, because like i says, i met her, and spent the day with her.

no, i really dont want to spend the rest of my life with a liar and a cheat, but i am fnding it very hard to say that final goodbye... maybe i am soft in the head, too forgiving, etc.

Why does this seem so important to you? I do not get that. He had an affair, full stop.

hanginginthere

victory wrote: »

Did you find out yourself or did he admit it? i found out,

Have you seen the other woman? She may not be as he says,

i did, i spent the day with her
what is he doing to make it better?

he left the job he met her though, changed his phone number, he is full of guilt, wants things to work, etc

Why did he do it in the first place?

he cant explain it at all, i am not been rude but she is a very unattractive person, and with a very unattractive personality, and not at all like any woman he would even say is nice. he also hates smoking, bad tempers, and lots of other things that she was,



Will he do it again?

he says no, but then, he done it before and got away with it for 2 years,

paulsad

!!!!in worse thing to do to anyone ... threaten suicide ... another vile attempt to control you. You need to be rid of the sad bar steward.

thorsoak

hanginginthere wrote: »

while i am not convinced he would have done it, i got a late night phone call from a roof-top and i was not willing to take the chance. we have one teenage daughter, the last thing i wanted was to be taking her to the graveyard.

Well, to me, that would be the absolute last straw. Bad enough to live with the uncertainty as to whether or not he was cheating again - but in no way could I expect to live with someone who would threaten to take his life every time a cloud went over the sun - and what about your daughter? He is not being at all fair to her.

Far better to make a clean break - let him "find himself" and you can start to build a life based on the security of yourself and your daughter. Or do you want to live in torment until he decides he is going to leave?

hanginginthere

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Why does this seem so important to you? I do not get that. He had an affair, full stop.

i am trying to make sense of WHY, thats all,
i always imagined when someone had an affair it would be with someone they would at least find attractive,

Bennifred

If this happened to your daughter, what would you advise her to do?

You only have one life to live - don't waste it........

lostinrates

I'm pretty sure if I found out my partner was living a double life I might want a drink. If I were a smoker I'd probably be chain smoking.

One day with someone under stress circumstances really is not an insight into who they are.

thorsoak

You don't have to make sense of it - it happened. Stop beating yourself up about it - he did it, BECAUSE HE COULD. The end.

Now is the time for you to make your own life.