Double Life

hanginginthere

Primrose wrote: »

I haven't yet read read to the end of this thread but I am not surprised at your distress and confusion. I thin you need some space on your own to think all this through without the distraction of his presence. Could you ask him to move out for three months with no contact so that you can think all this through with no distractions?

thanks Primrose,

but this happened 9 months ago now, i dont feel the need for him to move out for 3 months at the moment, maybe awhile back, but not now,

the only real problem that i have now is that while i dont mind his company, i am just not in love with him, but i dont feel i belong anywhere else at the moment

aileth

You're being very strong, OP.

One of my MIL's friends had something similar, except it involved him working away in Hong Kong. He flew over a lot for work, he was actually going there, but in Hong Kong he had a complete separate life, a Chinese girlfriend and a flat. She found out after he accidentally left his laptop logged into email, which was fully of lovey dovey emails as well as pictures of what furniture to choose to put in the flat!!

hanginginthere

aileth wrote: »

You're being very strong, OP.

One of my MIL's friends had something similar, except it involved him working away in Hong Kong. He flew over a lot for work, he was actually going there, but in Hong Kong he had a complete separate life, a Chinese girlfriend and a flat. She found out after he accidentally left his laptop logged into email, which was fully of lovey dovey emails as well as pictures of what furniture to choose to put in the flat!!

my husband was only working away sometimes, ie i was telling both myself and the other woman he was working every other week, whereas it was only every 3rd week, the weeks inbetween he was having "turn about" between herself and myself.

i dont know if i am strong, or daft, i know out of 100 woman, prob 99 would have binned him by now,

the counsellor we went to told him the same, and added he was the worst case she had ever come across!!

things like that make me think i am daft in the head!!!!

hanginginthere

Judi wrote: »

My husband works away at times. A few of his work mates are married but have girlfriends in different areas. They do it to get free digs. I think its blasted awful but there you go.

my husband didnt even have that much cop on... he was paying "keep" to the other woman,

System

things like that make me think i am daft in the head!!!!

Not daft in the head but your self worth must be pretty low on your list of priorities.

AbbieCadabra

hanginginthere wrote: »

the counsellor we went to told him the same, and added he was the worst case she had ever come across!!

things like that make me think i am daft in the head!!!!

please don't think that you're daft in the head as you put it. as far as i'm aware, a counsellor should never offer their opinion, only guidance & assistance for you to reach your own conclusions.

hanginginthere

AbbieCadabra wrote: »

please don't think that you're daft in the head as you put it. as far as i'm aware, a counsellor should never offer their opinion, only guidance & assistance for you to reach your own conclusions.

i am glad she did though,

piglet74

ahh bless you,

the same thing happened a dear friend of mine, her husband was leading a double life, had a woman in another part of the country, was living between both of them

my friend has forgiven her husband, but she is a tortured soul, she just cant forget what he has done to her

i cant forgive him, and i wish she would leave him, but its not my choice to make, and i have to admire her at the same time,

she was so good to him too, did everything for him, she did everything for the them as a family, and i just cant get my head around why he betrayed her so badly, and just like you say it is in your case, he cheated "down" too, with someone who could not be more different to my pal,
eg my pal is nice and clean and tidy, this woman was almost "dirty", just like their relationship!!!

i wish you well, whatever you decide to do, but i fear this is just the start of what will be a very long, rocky road ahead for you,

take care xox:A

hanginginthere

Sorry to resurrect an old thread, but its just to up date now I feel ready

I told my husband to leave 9 months ago now, and I am now really looking forward to my first full year without him

I did just spend my first Christmas and New year, in 20 years, alone but not lonely. I am better off without him, I know that now, well I knew that before but just could not make the break

I am now looking forward to fulfilling my new years resolution list, this is my year, I plan on going on a date (not seeing anyone, but I have promised myself I will go on a date)
Travel to a place I have never been before,
Read more
Not dwell on the past, not torture myself looking for answers,
Put the past behind me
This is my year ��

harrys_nan

Well done you, live your life to the full, have fun and enjoy the peace you now have.