nasty old man next door :-(

ska_lover

krazyburd23 wrote: »

Thank you all for your help and advice, it’s all very useful and I am following up on it. I really appreciate your support and thanks for taking the time to listen.

I just wanted to say again, that I genuinely hand on heart do not believe he is a war hero. I honestly think he has always been a horrible person. He is a know it all who has no ability to understand that others have their own minds and thoughts. I know from one of my other neighbours that he doesn’t get on with the old lady opposite him, I was told ‘he was really nasty to her when her husband died’. I do not know any of the circumstances (I didn’t ask ) but I have seen her walk right past him and blank him completely, so I believe it.

Dave – I really do appreciate your opinion, however I am quite offended that you think it’s ‘ridiculous, almost comical’ that he is upsetting me. It may just be a few broken branches to you, but it isn’t to me. This is this is my home, my garden and my life and I should be free to go about it in and enjoy it in my own way. Me and my family were cooped up in a tiny flat for 10 years whilst we scrimped and saved to get a deposit together to have our own little place, to have my own garden is such a wonderful treat for me. I am always interested to hear other people’s views and advice but it’s my choice if I take it and follow up with it. I came on here to get some help and advice on how to deal with the matter – I have always been taught to respect my elders so knowing how to deal with someone like him is a new challenge to me. Despite all he has done to us, I don’t want to upset him or cause him stress because he is an old man (whether he was or wasnt in the war) and I know his time is probably limited. I just don’t want anything more to do with him and want him to simply leave us and our property alone but no matter how much I tell him to back off he just cannot help himself. I actually typed PCSO number into my phone hours ago but cannot bring myself to press ‘call’ – I just can’t help thinking that if he gets a visit from him it will be really distressing for him.

On the one occasion I said they could enter my garden to fix the fence, I said to him please be careful near the pear tree as I just planted my strawberries there for next year. He roared with laughter, and said ‘why have you done that, I threw mine away’. I have no problem with him finding it amusing, I don’t mind if he threw his away - that’s his choice, I have my own mind, I don’t have to follow. How do you think I felt when I saw they had all been trodden into the mud? This to me isn't just disrespectful, its spiteful.


I don’t particularly like his garden but I don’t pop in there when he is out and change things. He already told me my washing line isn’t in the ‘right place’, will it be OK for him to come over and move it next time I pop to the shops?? I think not!

I really feel for you OP, as I said in my previous post am in a similar situation and realise how soul destroying this must be for you after years of saving.

Things are so different now to what they used to be and it is virtually impossible to even get your foot on the property ladder in the first place, and then to have some petty person try and spoil it for you just makes my blood boil. I read somewhere that we are poorer in our generation and have a harder time of things than our parents did - especially when it comes to housing. He is out of touch with the hard work you have had to do to even get the place

I am glad you are getting your fencing sorted out, that is what I am doing, get your back garden a bit more secure so he cannot acess it at his whim, and you are well within your rights to ask him to not set foot within your boundaries, as he is unwelcome - any further breach of this will be illegal trespassing.

Do not give him any facetime at all, just completely blank him. That is what we are doing. I wont be rude in the slightest, but I will be firm if he knocks my door. My initial approach to my situation of 'gently gently' I was thinking 'oh he is just an old man...etc' was in fact making my neighbour flare up even more and he was well on his way to making our life unbearable after a week, I was in tears after a few days of moving in, as our dream of having our own place, was just not imagined like this. Where we lived before, on a massive housing estate surrounded by other families, everyone got on with their own business and didn't have time to be concerning themselves with where their neighbours were parking or (in my case) what TV channel their neighbour is watching. I would no way trust my current neighbour to do anything 'neighbourly' like take in a parcel

Whether this bloke is a war veteran (same as my neighbour , he could well be for all i know) it bears no relevance to him behaving like a cantankerous old man now.

You are going to have to be firmer with him. Some elderly people think that when they reach a certain age, all requirement for manners goes out of the window and they can act however they damn well please. Its disgusting that he has not a good word to say about anyone, but it says more about him, than it does the people he is name calling. Tell him nothing about yourself.

If he kicks off about parking in the future, just hold your hand up and firmly say 'No, you do not own the road directly outside your house'..and walk away.

Errata

Speak to the PCSO, they won't necessarily want or need to speak to the neighbour but they may give you some helpful information and advice and how to proceed further.

jellyhead

I'm going to stick my neck out and say that the parking is something I do have some sympathy for - but nothing else, and it doesn't excuse his behaviour.

My previous neighbours, who have now died, got very insecure and twitchy after she became ill and wheelchair-bound. They didn't like noise outside and felt the need to check every time a car pulled up. They would panic that if she needed emergency services that there wouldn't be anywhere to park. Also, she just felt insecure, especially if a car was in 'their space' after teatime - it seemed to alarm them.

She'd get upset if children played in our front garden - all sorts of trivial things, to me, but really important to her.

The difference is that they were pleasant people and always asked nicely.

There's a problem with parking around here which is getting worse. It's okay if people have a drive out front then park their second vehicle in the road outside, but not everyone does that. There's a family 3 doors away who have four vehicles (in a 2-bed house! it's a small row of terraced houses with no extra parking room), and a woman in the next street who likes to park two of her vehicles in our bit of the street - so we often can't get to park in front of our house.

I personally think that these 2 families are rude, and should get to know some neighbours and make agreements with those who don't have a car that they can park outside their house, instead of blocking other people's drives without even asking.

I know it's not illegal to park outside a person's house, but I do think it's sometimes ill-mannered.

krazyburd23

Ska lover – I was just writing a reply for you :=) I am ever so sorry you are also experiencing these problems with your neighbour but so happy to hear you are getting your fence up soon, I really hope it keeps him away for good and you will finally get to enjoy your little space that you have worked and saved so hard for! You are so right, it is extremely difficult to get a foot on the ladder now and you’re probably the same as me, have made a lot of sacrifices to be able to achieve it, which is why this is so hard.

I was exactly the same as you in the beginning, just being gentle because he ‘is an old man’ but I just cannot do it anymore, I don’t want to talk to him or see him ever again. He might be old but he knows exactly what he is doing and I really really feel he actually gets enjoyment from it!!! I used to compare him to my nan at first, she was a real rascal when it came to winding people up (for fun) but she was nothing like in his league and certainly would never be spiteful, it was mischief with her. So, I know some old folks do develop this cheeky streak to put a bit of spice into their lives, but it sounds like your neighbour and my neighbour are not these types, they actually get pleasure out of upsetting people and the more they know they are the more excited they get about the next time. After the handyman at the patio window it would have been pretty obvious to him how I feel about people in my garden and looking in my windows. I was positively boiling the day I saw his son pulling things out from my garden, then when I saw his crooked finger pointing in at things (to be pulled) I honestly do not know how I didn’t blow a gasket! I really didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he was annoying me but at the same time I could not just sit back and watch!

I think that he knows that ‘he is an old man’ and therefore tries to wind us up so we lose our temper and he can look like the victim (referring back to Jee’s post about ending up looking like a bully) and also add us to the list of people he bad mouths to anyone who will listen (which actually doesn’t bother me). If he was my own generation, I wouldn’t give it a second thought to letting him feel the sharp side of my tongue but know it is not the way to solve this and also that actually it’s what he wants so I’d be playing right into his hands!! The best thing for me is to just block him out completely, we really really need my own fence so that I can take control back of my own space!! I actually made a point of catching my fencing neighbour just now, he said he can certainly help us out, I think I will ask my parents if we can borrow some money to get it done quickly. (we had to have a new boiler just before xmas which ate our contingency funds – the joys of being a home owner :=) )

I was confused with your comment about your TV channel, has your neighbour had a problem with that? If so, it sounds the same with the problem of spying into the windows, it’s so horrible to feel like you’re being watched all of the time :=( !! It sounds ridiculous but there was an old painting on our bedroom wall when we moved in, it was the only thing the previous owners left here and wasn’t to taste so I took it down. There was a hole in the wall behind it, I actually got so paranoid I thought it was spy hole so he could see in and that was why they left the picture there lol. I stuffed the hole with blue tack now just in case!!!

Mine had a go at me because I left fallen pears on the floor in my garden!! Little did he know that most of my family had been overly supplied with them already and I was actually leaving them because it’s a food source for all the other little (welcome) critters that like to visit my garden. If he wasn’t so horrid, I’d have given him some too!!! Also, when we moved in we needed some work doing to the roof before winter came, he actually approached the roofers and told them that we had said they’d be doing his side too!!! I didn’t find out until after when he was bad mouthing them for not doing it!!!

Jellyhead – I actually understand the parking thing and I do see that it does cause issues for some people when there is overcrowding and a shortage of spaces etc in a street, I do sympathise when this is the case and appreciate how annoying it can be. My neighbour has a very long, double driveway and 1 car and most of the houses around us are huge with double/triple spaces on their driveways so there isn’t an issue with parking in the street. Not once have I seen any of his visitors use his driveway, even though there is plenty of room. It’s just another control/power exercise in his case I think.

LandyAndy

pollypenny wrote: »

Pardon, Andy?

If he is 90 he was born in 1924, like my mother, and would have been 21 when the war ended in 1945.

He could have been conscripted at the age of 18.

Edit: sorry, read it as WW2, which is the excuse someone made,

Oops looks like I read ww2 as ww1. My excuse is my age. I actually fought in the war of the Austrian succession.

onlyroz

I also suggest a 6 foot fence with spikes on the top and coated with "anti-climb" paint. You can also get a camera - possibly you could train it on a bird table if you feel like you need an explanation for it. And maybe net curtains for your windows, which should be enough to stop them from peering in at you without limiting your light too much.

Icey77

If he does come in into your garden again and you catch him at it could you call the police and say there are intruders with tools and you think they are trying to get in - perception is everything and at that point you might not "recognise" him as your neighbour and not appreciate that he means you no physical harm.

A few coppers rushing in and perhaps tackling him to the ground might teach him that is not acceptable to barge into your garden and intimidate you!!

BTW - my DH is a copper and this was his suggestion before anyone thinks I am suggesting wasting police time etc!!

jaylee3

Not much I can add OP. I just hope this is all resolved very soon

adouglasmhor

LandyAndy wrote: »

Oops looks like I read ww2 as ww1. My excuse is my age. I actually fought in the war of the Austrian succession.

Jenkins is that you?

pimento

There's nothing to stop you putting up a six foot fence (which is normally the maximum height allowed without planning permission) and adding some trellis to the top making it an eight foot fence.
Just have it erected an inch inside your boundary and there will be nothing he can do about it.