nasty old man next door :-(

krazyburd23

Hi Folks,

Not sure if I am in the right place or not so feel free to move me on if need be J

Me and my partner became home owners for the first time last May and were so happy to move into our new place, it was like a dream come true after saving so hard for so long to get our deposit together :-) :-) :-) But it wasn’t too long before our bubble started to burst…….

After moving in it didn’t take long to work out that we were living next to an extremely nosey, horrible old man and his wife. At first we made lots of effort to be nice and get on with him, we just closed our ears when he talked about everyone else in the street and their private business, passing it off as an old person thing. Then during a few conversations he informed us of ‘records’ he keeps about the houses and their owners in the street, after this we kept our conversations to a minimum and stopped offering any information about anything relating to us. It wasn’t just the gossip that I didn’t like, it was also the content in general - anything from ‘a prostitute used to live in your house and she used to leave the windows open so that he could hear her working’ (disgusting) or how he used to sneakily pour weed killer over our fence. The more he used to say the more I felt uncomfortable talking to him and decided I didn’t even want to get into conversation with him anymore, so when I saw him I would pretend to be in a rush and say a quick hello, wave and then run!!

Then came the strong winds (end of October), it blew down about half of the panels in our adjoining fence in the back garden. I believed it’s his fence as according to our deeds the other side of the garden is ours. He informed me that someone might need to come in our garden to fix it, of course I agreed, told him where I didn't want them to tread because of my plants etc. In a flash his son and him (bearing in mind he is about 90 and can barely walk) were in my garden!! They spent about an hour out there, I was indoors so had no idea what they were doing but afterwards realised that they never actually repaired the fence! As he left he told me that it was my garden that had pushed the fence down and I need to cut it down, he also started giving me ‘advice’ on what I should do with the garden in general. I was really irritated by this - when we moved in it was like a mild jungle out there, but during the summer I invested many hours weeding and tidying, it isn’t perfect yet but it’s not looking bad. That weekend I went along the length of the fence and trimmed everything that could have been causing an issue, there was just a few ivy strands and a couple of small branches, nothing that was obviously weakening his fence. The garden does need a little work/organising but it really isn’t bad at all, he was completely over exaggerating/making it up just to interfere. I am sure he just wanted us to cut our shrubs so that he could get a better view in!!


Then in November he had a go at my mum in the street for parking at the front of his house. It’s a public road and there are no restrictions, she didn’t block his drive or cause any obstructions – he told her she shouldn’t park there as he might get a visitor and she should park up the road when she visits, he was really nasty to her and it upset her a lot. After this I decided not to talk to him anymore and just ignore him. A few weeks later my mum and I had been shopping, as I was unloading my goodies from her car, his wife had a go at her for the same thing. Unfortunately she had ran indoors by the time I returned to the car so wasn’t able to say anything.

A few weeks after this I got up one morning and heard noises by my patio doors. I opened my curtains to find myself face to face with his handyman who was standing half in my garden painting his wall!!! Bearing in mind all the above, I was livid, I went out there and told him to get out of my garden and informed him that any respectable tradesman would inform someone before going on to their property and hanging around their windows (bearing in mind we live in a bungalow and it was first thing in the morning!!). The neighbour piped up, what’s your problem the curtains were shut, I already checked!!!

Since this, with all the strong winds nearly all of the fence has come down now, he has patched up bits and bobs but made sure the panels right by our patio are not in place properly and leans right over our side, enough for him to get a good view in! I keep pushing it back and plugging it with a small piece of wood but it keeps falling out and because the fence is so old and fragile bits keep breaking off and the last thing I want is for him to say I damaged it! I haven’t opened my back curtains for a couple of months now :-(

On Saturday we took our dog out for a walk just as his son arrived to visit him. I don’t know why but I had a horrible feeling telling me to go home, so we shortened our walk and returned home, only to find his son leaning into our garden pulling things out whilst he stood there pointing to him what he wanted removed! I was so angry, I went out and told them to get out of my garden and leave my bushes alone!! I then noticed that they had cut some of the main thick branches from one of the trees, branches I knew were not overhanging. He had cut them quite far into my garden, about a foot away from where the fence would have been, so I asked for them back to show them how unacceptable this was, they refused to return them.

From conversations with other neighbours I get the gist that he has upset quite a few of them over the years, I heard that he was extremely nasty to an old lady living opposite so she no longer will even look in his direction, let alone speak to him.


A normal busy body/nosey parker I could just live with and ignore, but I am getting really fed up with him thinking he owns the street, but more importantly our garden. He really seems to think he can do what he likes, when he likes even though it’s our property. I know he is old and I already make allowances for this however I don’t think it’s an excuse for his behavior and I don’t want to put up with it any more.

My ideal would be to have a fence put up in our garden but its costly and right now we just can’t afford it :-( I don’t want to be horrible to him but obviously my ‘stern and firm’ approach of informing him of my dislike for his actions isn’t enough, he just keeps coming back for more! I just want him to back off!! Any suggestions???

floralaura

No advice as such but just wanted say he's 90, the awful old sod will be gone soon enough if nothing else!

jenhug

I would play him at his own game, go and have a picnic in his garden.

trailingspouse

Nightmare - and definitely bringing back memories of a dreadful neighbour we had a few years back.

I don't have much to offer apart from sympathy, but one bit of constructive advice would be to write everything down - every word of every conversation, including times and dates. Take photos of anything that isn't right (eg the broken fence that he is responsible for fixing). That way, if things escalate, you have proof that it has been going on for a long time.

Stay polite and firm - you have to maintain the moral high ground. Never easy, but it's important you don't stoop to his level.

Do you think he is actually trying to see in - I am sure there are laws to prevent peeping toms - might be worth looking into? (No pun intended...)

At least you have allies in the other people on the street who have had problems with him in the past.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

whilst not trying to get into a dispute he feels he has free reign of your property because you gave permission to go in it.


I would write a perfectly respectful letter to him and his wife.


I would specifically deny him and any one related to or contracted by any right of access to your property any planned works he intends to carry out he must seek written permission to gain access, he must also outline time scales and details of the work carried out.


I would also state, that cutting any plant or tree or shrubbery within your boundry is criminal damage (find the appropriate legislation on legislation.gov and cite word for word the legislation relating to this) any trimmings off cuts he has trimmed from the over boundry and only cutting to the boundry must be returned to you if not its tantamount to theft and liable for prosecution instruct where he can place the trimmings on your property (without going onto your property like placing them behind the front gate).


then respectfully ask him not to approach your relatives or yourselves from this point forth, and that the street has no parking restrictions, youll respectfully tell your relatives and friends not to park directly in front of his drive but as there is no restrictions on the street parking either side of his drive on the street is allowed by law continuation to harass and alarm your relatives of friends about this police will be called and a complaint made.


and now for the tasks you should up hold.


document any harassment, encounters with your neighbors.
document any trespass violations and any damage he continues to do from cutting back your bushes etc. you may need this if things escalate to a situation where you need to go to court to prove your case.

GobbledyGook

Definitely what atrixblue said.

Also do whatever you have to to get a fence on your property. A nice panelled one from B&Q to stop the peering. Then make sure you open your curtains and note it down if he peers in.

Re the parking people get ridiculous about the spaces outside of their house. My MIL used to go mental about people parking on her front (to the mortification of her husband and sons). However a quiet word from the local community bobby quickly made her realise that the only person breaking any laws is the her harassing and being abusive towards folks parking!

krazyburd23

Haha, loving the ideas Jen and Laura :-)

Thanks for the sympathy trailingspouse – I will absolutely start keeping a record of it from now on, I have the memories of before but sadly not dates/times (I never thought it would get like this). I’ll pop out and take some pictures of the fence tomorrow though!

I am not sure if he is intentionally spying in, my gut tells me yes but I don’t know if he has just got my back up so much it sways me to think it. He is extremely nosey in general so it may just be that – he moves his bin up and down his driveway all day long so he can see what’s going on in the street. He has the cleanest car ever too, he is out there every day with a duster polishing the bonnet (he actually stands his bucket on top of his bin which he leaves at the end of the drive and goes backwards and forwards to wash out the cloth, each time checking up and down the street). We have caught him a few times recently standing in his garden starring into our bedroom window, he also stands in the back garden starring into my partners workshop while he is working (the panels opposite the windows have blown out and not been mended). He was actually out there at 7:30 this morning, only because my partner was having some wood delivered, as soon as the truck drove off he went straight in.

I sound super nosey myself haha – I actually work from home and can only get a phone reception in my bedroom so he catches my eye/ears all the time when I am working.

With regards to allies, I just am not sure if they’d be prepared to stand up to him. He obviously talks about people behind their backs (I know from what he said about others), so I am sure he probably bad mouths us too, who knows what rubbish he tells them. Most of them seem to just want a quiet life and as we’ve only been here a short time, so I don’t really go into it with them.

He is very sly and sneaky, but not as clever as he thinks because we obviously have sussed him out. He is always having things done to his place so I know he has the funds to pay for the fence.

marisco_2

I question how the previous owners of your property got on with this old man. The seller of a property has a duty to disclose any previous or existing disputes with the owners of neighbouring properties to their buyers. The seller will be sent Sellers Property Information Form (SPIF) early on in the process. This form requires the seller to provide information about many different aspects of the property. Section two of the SPIF asks whether there have ever been any disputes with neighbours about issues such as planning consent, loud music, boundaries, or parking, and whether any complaints have been made either by or against the sellers. The sellers should have declared any issue that has ever occurred with the neighbours, no matter if it had been resolved or seemed trivial. As buyers you had a right to know.

Considering the implications financial and otherwise if this escalates and you end up going to court, would it not be prudent to consider swallowing the cost of putting up a new fence, protecting some of your privacy and limiting the impact this man can have on you? You may find that somewhere like the CAB could be a useful resource in advising and guiding you on how best to proceed with handling this horrible situation.

Georgiegirl256

floralaura wrote: »

No advice as such but just wanted say he's 90, the awful old sod will be gone soon enough if nothing else!

As much as I think the old man is being disrespectful, your post is equally so. In fact it's disgusting, and you should be ashamed of yourself. :mad:

FatVonD

I think you need to swallow the cost of getting a fence put up, it doesn't matter that legally he should pay for it, it will benefit you and deter him. Make sure to put it up and inch or so inside your boundary so he can't claim it's his and take it down if he objects to it. In fact I'd be tempted to put it up right behind his panels leaving his there just to get the message across.

Then stop tiptoeing around him, you're just enabling him, if you shouts at your parents then you shout back at him. Fight fire with fire (just not near the fence )

FatVonD

If your garden was very overgrown is there a possibility that you have ground elder and that's what he's worried about?