If I don't move, he will leave me....

cte1111

freeisgood wrote: »

cte, well maybe not a shouting match but a heated discussion.


The point is, I have never made an ultimatum to my husband. But he has made one to me several times. I told him that that is blackmail. He really is not going to live here at all. That is not fair on me or the kids. I know the kids will get over a move, I know that yes, I will give in and move because I love my husband. How does that make me feel? Awful!

I wonder if your husband has always called the shots, perhaps because he's older? I think there are 2 problems here: 1. a difference of opinion about where to live, 2. Lack of ability to compromise and negotiate

I think for the future of your relationship and your happiness, you need to work on number 2 together with your husband.

heartbreak_star

I think you need to sit and brainstorm all the pros and cons - write everything down. Really listen to each other's opinions.

HBS x

daisiegg

freeisgood wrote: »

Tiger eyes,


I love living in a house with other house around, it makes me feel safer.

I also know that driving into London, will not be 30 mins,I will have to account for problems with traffic so as to not be late for appointments which means leaving an extra half hour on top of travel time to get to work etc...
I am a realist. I also like the convenience I have.

You know a detached house does not need to be completely isolated!

Mojisola

freeisgood wrote: »

I have it really good at the mo, I am angry that my husband thinks that a 30 min or 45 min commute each way is perfectly fine, and that i should be made of sterner stuff, and other people put up with it.

As he is going to be retired, is he going to take over the bulk of the childcare? If you're going to be spending an hour or hour and a half travelling every day, someone will have to look after the children during your longer workday.

Have you priced up the cost of commuting?

freeisgood

Thanks for all your help everyone, really, for all your comments.

I feel miles better already!

Yes, my husband is a mega bossyboots BTW. But I do stand my ground.
I also hate change and the unknown!

My husband would do drop offs/pick ups. He does not make a good "house husband" though,

[Deleted User]

We live in south Hertfordshire; and it doesn't stop us doing things 'in London' - my wife is going on a night out in South London tonight.. I travel over to east London for work myself.. Last weekend we drove to Great Portland St on Sunday and it barely took any time on the M1 (Brent cross is just a 20 minute drive too). Our local train can get me to Euston in 35 minutes. We really aren't isolated from London at all - we still think we're part of North London really. I've previously lived in Golders green and was very happy to get out to somewhere quieter. We are in our early 30s.

The standard of living is so much nicer. My kids are surrounded by beautiful countryside and when they are older we'll take them on the cycle paths around the woods near us.

Frankly, i'd kill for a 35 minute commute. Mine typically takes an hour to 90 minutes but i pass the time on the train reading or watching films.

Why don't you take a drive out of town to see a few places? Go on a family trip and try to have fun with it.

juliep58

I realise you were putting your point of view but there were an awful lot of "me" and "I" in your post. You say your husband hates London yet has lived there for10 years because you wanted to.
Maybe it's time to think of everyone in your family not just what you want.

freeisgood

Julie, Harsh!


We were living in london, because of circumstances with our families, not because of me.

He has been living in london all his life so far.

He has grown to hate it over this last few years.

My kids dont want to move either

Mojisola

freeisgood wrote: »

I also hate change and the unknown!

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Why don't you take a drive out of town to see a few places? Go on a family trip and try to have fun with it.

This is a really good idea. Have a few trips out, look up house prices in the area and see what you get for the money, look up the local schools and see what clubs that you would enjoy are available, etc.

Once the unknown becomes known, it might not seem so bad.

greenbee

How about suggesting some weekend outings (once the water levels are down!) to some of the places he is interested in. Get a feel for the places, find out about the schools, house prices, community and commutes.

If you are currently renting then you do have the option to move to a rented property before buying which means you can take the time to find the ideal place.

If your husband is going to be retiring, then he will be able to deal with stuff like the school run etc., so your commute should be a bit easier - and that 30-45 minutes could give you some much-needed downtime (particularly if it is on public transport and you can read a book and switch off for a bit).

There are lots of alternatives (e.g. weekend cottage that you could move to eventually - I know plenty of people who have done this as they've grown to prefer their 'holiday' community), but you need to both start talking and be prepared to compromise first.

As others have said, if your husband moved to be near your family even though he hates living in London, maybe he feels he needs a change - and when he's retired, he'll be spending a lot more time at home, so his home and its surroundings will matter more to him.