If I don't move, he will leave me....

cte1111

Children are very adaptable. Yes they would miss their friends initially, but they would make new friends and within a short time I think they would be fine. I think you and your husband both need to show willing and at least consider each other's suggestion. This could involve you having a look at some of the areas your husband would like to consider moving to and him looking at the figures for keeping a base in London as well as somewhere smaller and more rural.

How do you usually deal with differences of opinion? Shouting matches in front of the kids followed by ultimatums isn't an ideal way to move forward.

tiger_eyes

To be honest, I'm confused by some of your objections. You're angry at the prospect of a quick 30-minute commute to work? Scared of detached houses? What's really going on here?

Tiglath

I lived on the Herts/Essex/Middx border until I was in my early 30s, and to be honest I found it soul-destroying. Couldn't wait to move into London and get away from the small-town mentality.

Mojisola

freeisgood wrote: »

I am married to a man who is quite a lot older than me so he will be retiring within the next few years, we have two young children.

Now, I drive to work 10 mins away, I am part time self employed, our kids are at an outstanding primary school, my family and freinds are nearby, all my hobbies are a few moments away....you get my point. My whole life and kids lives are here.

I would put up with living in a modest 3 bed semi to keep what we have.

Would he really give up living with his children and his wife just so that he could move out of London? Is it that important to him?

daisiegg

freeisgood wrote: »

Really Daisiegg?


Because i thought even moving to hertfordshire would kill any prospect of evenings in central London, and i thought driving in from hertfordshire to north London meant hellish traffic. Do you find it a very quiet life, do you find there is a nice community where you are? I am scared i would be bored stiff and feel cut off.

We go out in London frequently. I don't know about driving, tbh - we usually get the train and if we ever drive/get a taxi it is outside of rush hour so timings would not be representative (50 mins or less outside of rush hour). I do work with a couple of people who live in North London and work here (opposite way round!) and I think it is about 30 mins drive for them, but I guess it would depend where exactly in North london you are talking.

Lots of community, lots going on if you want to get involved. I don't think life is particularly quiet at all. I have never lived in London but my husband did before he met me, and he doesn't miss it at all. I love spending time in London, but when we get home I always think 'I'm glad I don't have to live there'!

freeisgood

cte, well maybe not a shouting match but a heated discussion.


The point is, I have never made an ultimatum to my husband. But he has made one to me several times. I told him that that is blackmail. He really is not going to live here at all. That is not fair on me or the kids. I know the kids will get over a move, I know that yes, I will give in and move because I love my husband. How does that make me feel? Awful!

lostinrates

freeisgood wrote: »

Really Daisiegg?


Because i thought even moving to hertfordshire would kill any prospect of evenings in central London, and i thought driving in from hertfordshire to north London meant hellish traffic. Do you find it a very quiet life, do you find there is a nice community where you are? I am scared i would be bored stiff and feel cut off.

they the 'home' counties for a good reason really.

Driving might not be the best solution p, depending where in London you are trying to get to, and when, and herts might not be the best area, similarly, looking at which hub you need to end up.

Rather than being cross with each other possibly needlessly why not look in to his proposition before dismissing it out of hand, see of it COULD work for you before deciding it cannot?

( the ultimatum thing is really something quite different and I agree somewhat untenable, but.....I feel maybe you are both playing a black and white game here)

FBaby

Hasn't this issue come up before? It sounds like he feels he had compromised since you've been together and now it is your turn to compromise. Maybe he considers that now is the best time for the kids to move before it will become more difficult for them. The way I see it is that if you agreed on a compromise but deep inside hoped he would change his mind toy are being unfair. If however he had never brought this up before and suddenly decided on the move expecting everyone to follow him then he is being unfair.

arbroath_lass

freeisgood wrote: »

I have it really good at the mo, I am angry that my husband thinks that a 30 min or 45 min commute each way is perfectly fine, and that i should be made of sterner stuff, and other people put up with it.

I was agreeing with you until I got to this bit. I thought you were talking about moving hours away!

Children adapt and there are good schools all over the place. Can you really not see how this might be good for your family?

Of course, if you really don't want to move no-one should make you and your husband is wrong for threatening you like that.

I think this has just been a bit sudden for you. Could you maybe even agree to have a look at some houses? You never know you might like the idea when you see where you could be living.

freeisgood

Tiger eyes,


I love living in a house with other house around, it makes me feel safer.

I also know that driving into London, will not be 30 mins,I will have to account for problems with traffic so as to not be late for appointments which means leaving an extra half hour on top of travel time to get to work etc...
I am a realist. I also like the convenience I have.