If I don't move, he will leave me....

southoftheriver

I live on Zone 1/2 borders. Travel in to central London. Takes 1 hour. Can get it down to 40 mins if I take the tube but still...

I'm very much a city girl, grew up in the middle of London. Am now moving further away for work and am nervous about it, but I have left before and know there are benefits to it too. My boyfriend could happily live somewhere quite rural but we've compromised on living somewhere with good transport links where we can get to the countryside fairly easily.

Don't really have any advice sorry! Sometimes London can be very suffocating though, especially if you've had enough of it.

Person_one

Zone 1/2 border is more or less central London, isn't it?

southoftheriver

Person_one wrote: »

Zone 1/2 border is more or less central London, isn't it?

It depends who you are talking to and where exactly it is. As someone born and bred around here I wouldn't say so. It definitely wasn't when I was growing up, and I live 100m from my primary school.

For example, Whitechapel and Notting hill fulfil that criteria, but neither are central London (to me at least).

Person_one

southoftheriver wrote: »

It depends who you are talking to and where exactly it is. As someone born and bred around here I wouldn't say so. It definitely wasn't when I was growing up, and I live 100m from my primary school.

For example, Whitechapel and Notting hill fulfil that criteria, but neither are central London (to me at least).

It takes you 40 minutes on the tube from that distance? I used to live in zone 5 and it didn't take that long!

coolcait

Person_one wrote: »

It takes you 40 minutes on the tube from that distance? I used to live in zone 5 and it didn't take that long!

40 minutes home to office in that zone? Quite possible. It depends how close you live to the tube station, and where you're going.

The journey could be like this - on a good day, when all the connections work perfectly, and the bus doesn't get stuck in traffic:

5 mins - walk from home to bus stop
10 mins - bus to tube station
10 mins - tube line 1; change lines
10 mins - tube line 2
5 mins - walk from tube station to work

In the old days, OH's commute was bus, then pretty much one end of the Northern Line to the other.

It was a long commute - but some of my colleagues who lived in 'inner' zones, but on the 'wrong' line had even longer journeys, due to connections.

Pennypincher2

I tried to post yesterday wrote a thing (large thing came to a conclusion and lost it), so here goes...

If other half is going to role change to super parent on retirement i.e. be househusband, take kids to school, keep house, cook meals etc then you can adopt a very male role - commute into London, work hard, socialise in London and build a career, therefore soar and have it all with a little compromise . You can be in London without living in London and you can have a fabulous life with a career and a married, soul enriching weekend/evening life.

If he is retiring from work and his role as husband, father etc you should know now. If he plans for you to continue working part time, doing kids, home, shopping, cooking, tending to him and every other million things, I would let him go. I would stay in London with family and friend support, work 22 hours a week and get working tax credit, cut your cloth and hang on to the good things you have got going on.

The kids wanting to stay is a red herring, they will be fine where ever you are fine. My parents moved out of London as a kid and my Mum went back every week cos she missed it but I was always grateful to live somewhere green and pleasant, made friends, went to uni build a life here and I would move out to the country now even more, hard core so you never know x

What about some marriage guidance counselling, see if you can both come to a compromise that works... Best of luck x

southoftheriver

Person_one wrote: »

It takes you 40 minutes on the tube from that distance? I used to live in zone 5 and it didn't take that long!

Not sure what you want me to say to that, lucky you?

My journey consists of:

Walk to tube station: 10 mins
Walk through tube station to different line: 5 mins
Tube journey: 20 mins
Walk to work: 5 mins

Plus this is during rush hour, it doesn't take much for the station to become closed temporarily due to overcrowding, or for me to need to take the next train.

The bus is a 40 min journey with a 15 min walk. I mainly take the bus because it is much cheaper and gives me more time to read...

tayforth

Pennypincher2 wrote: »

I tried to post yesterday wrote a thing (large thing came to a conclusion and lost it), so here goes...

If other half is going to role change to super parent on retirement i.e. be househusband, take kids to school, keep house, cook meals etc then you can adopt a very male role - commute into London, work hard, socialise in London and build a career, therefore soar and have it all with a little compromise . You can be in London without living in London and you can have a fabulous life with a career and a married, soul enriching weekend/evening life.

If he is retiring from work and his role as husband, father etc you should know now. If he plans for you to continue working part time, doing kids, home, shopping, cooking, tending to him and every other million things, I would let him go. I would stay in London with family and friend support, work 22 hours a week and get working tax credit, cut your cloth and hang on to the good things you have got going on.

The kids wanting to stay is a red herring, they will be fine where ever you are fine. My parents moved out of London as a kid and my Mum went back every week cos she missed it but I was always grateful to live somewhere green and pleasant, made friends, went to uni build a life here and I would move out to the country now even more, hard core so you never know x

What about some marriage guidance counselling, see if you can both come to a compromise that works... Best of luck x

I agree with those who say that compromise is important, and that the OP should at least visit the areas in question.

I also agree that it will be important for the OP and her husband to work out in advance whether (and how) their roles will change in the event of a move. In the OP's shoes, I would certainly expect my husband to take on the lion's share of the household and childcare duties (or pay for a housekeeper and nanny!). I would not expect to be commuting to work, then coming home to all the chores. :eek:

And finally, I agree with those who say that there seem to be bigger problems in their marriage than the OP is letting on.

OP - which do you love more, London or your husband? And which do you feel he loves more, the countryside or you?

xx