If I don't move, he will leave me....

duchy

Thing is if you've always lived in London you do tend to regard anywhere that isn't London as the "Back of Beyond" Us born Londoners are terribly insular but once moved away most of us wouldn't dream of moving back permanently !

onlyroz

duchy wrote: »

Thing is if you've always lived in London you do tend to regard anywhere that isn't London as the "Back of Beyond" Us born Londoners are terribly insular but once moved away most of us wouldn't dream of moving back permanently !

I lived in London for about 7 years. It's great when you're 18 but starts to grate after a while, particularly when you've had kids.

But moving an hour out from London doesn't mean that you can never go there again - the museums, galleries, theatres, shops etc are still only a relatively short train journey away.

ostrichnomore_2

What a sad and very frustrating position for both of you. If you both want your marriage to continue, there has to be some sort of compromise. From both sides.

Perhaps instead of moving to remote house in country, you could move to a house in a small town? So you won't feel isolated, but he'll be out of the city environment.

I agree with the other posters that your child/children should be left out of this. It's pretty disgraceful to argue in front of them over this, or to ask them if they want to move. I'm sure it's all making them feel rather insecure right now. It's not a child's decision where their family lives and every 4 year old on the planet will say they want to stay where they already are. It's not like you would be moving in the middle of their GCSEs - there are fantastic schools outside london, and as for friends, is the plan that all of those children's family's stay exactly where they are until all the children are 18? Families move all the time. Please stop muddying the waters with irrelevant 'concerns' that are just clutching at straws for as many reasons as possible to stay.

Have a sensible, grown ups only, discussion together. If you both want to be stubborn, fine, end your marriage over this.

sassyblue

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Sounds idyllic. But no I rarely hear noise. We are very flat so possibly harder to travel? No idea!

Are you in Fenland buzzy bee, l am it's bliss. :j

You might be surprised at countryside living OP, we love london but couldn't live there all the time. Fresh air and peace and quiet is lovely, plus much safer for kids.

FBaby

I don't know why this thread as turned into a London vs eslwhere thread as the matter is not about convincing OP that elsewhere will make her feel as great as she does living in London, it is about the compromises that she can make vs the compromises she expects from her husband. In the end, it is highly unlikely she will love elsewhere as much as she does London, at least in the short term.

What I do hope is that if indeed they decide to move away from London, that OP's perception will not negatively influence her children. They are still young enough to adjust and decide that they like elsewhere as much as London if not better, however, if their mother, consciously or not, make it seem like a punishment to move away, they will feel it as such and that would not be fair on them.

Buzzybee90

sassyblue wrote: »

Are you in Fenland buzzy bee, l am it's bliss. :j

You might be surprised at countryside living OP, we love london but couldn't live there all the time. Fresh air and peace and quiet is lovely, plus much safer for kids.

I'm not but I'm close! Beautiful up there!

nickj_2

hazyjo wrote: »

I'm 43 and pretty much a Londoner. Wasn't so keen on Brentwood where I lived for a while, but wouldn't write off Shenfield (next stop up) as they have very fast trains (Stratford then Liv St). It still very much has a London feel to it as so many commute. Not so keen on Chelmsford, but that's my opinion, not cos it's not a nice place, just not for me.

I'm currently in North Chingford - maybe look into places near that such as Sewardstone/High Beech. Feels like you're out in the sticks - really feels like totally in the middle of nowhere, but just on the edge of London and a short drive to the station.

I LOVE Hertford and nearly bought there. Really nice vibe about the place. Have a friend in central Ware and have eaten out there several times. It's nice, safe and quaint - but can't put my finger on it, but not somewhere that'd be top of my list to live. It is lovely, and I have looked at houses there before, but the area would be a medium-sized compromise for me.

LOVE Stansted Mountfitchet. Definitely worth looking into. Used to have a friend who lived down Sunnyside. The central bit of town near there is just lovely. There are several pubs, nice restaurants, shops nearby, Bishop's Stortford on your doorstep for more shops, stuff for the kids... yeah, nice feel about it. Probably the place I'll end up next. I feel like I ought to be living there - if not now, certainly in the future.

Really, don't rule it out. Go visit. If you go to Hertford, head down to the river (in town) and go to the nice little pub there. They have a theatre, hotels, restaurants, etc. Maybe worth a weekend there and in Stansted Mountfitchet, see what you think...

Jx

my mum used to live in sunnyside during the war , she was evacuated there from hackney ,met my dad whose family lived in high lane .
stansted is a huge village,amost a town now , still nice in some places , i live about 20 mins further north in a lovely little village , 1hr on the train from liverpool st , we do tend to have a few days out in london , btbh , it's a great day out , but when you're on the train home it always seems better as the high rises and houses thin out and are replaced by fields

OP, you're saying your husband is being stubborn , are you not being stubborn yourself ?
you say your son will miss his best friend , he's only 4, give him a couple of hours in a new school and he'll soon find a new bestie .
don't think there's nowt going on once you get beyond the north/south circular , it's not the end of the civilized world , that's norwich :)

freeisgood

Thank you for all your comments. It is a painful time, and we have to remain where we are anyway for a year.

I imagined, growing older in London, I imagined it would be good for the children as they became teenagers to be able to go into town with their friends.
I imagined as they needed me less and my husband retiring, then we could go to London together, to enjoy the museums and theatres etc. I imagined that with my husband gets older I would be able to look after him with the comfort that my family and friends and all that is familiar surrounds me, and my work just moments away. And we have wealth of evening/day classes and societies that we currently have locally.
I imagined that having our home here in London, would be a good investment for our children. I have been told time and time again, that once you leave you can never really come back, (because London property prices increase out of context with the rest of the south east).

I am scared of being bored in a pretty house, that none of our friends will ever visit because we are we are just that "too far out".
My hobbies are also quite specialized and I can only do them in London so that would be the end of those unless I come in to town.

My husband saying that being near his beloved hills and country walks would be so worth moving out of London for (but he has an injured knee for the past two years and limps after 1/4 mile) . He wants his dream.

I am Just too practical I guess.

I just wonder if we can find something on the outskirts of London that will not make him feel hemmed in.

Person_one

freeisgood wrote: »

Thank you for all your comments. It is a painful time, and we have to remain where we are anyway for a year.

I imagined, growing older in London, I imagined it would be good for the children as they became teenagers to be able to go into town with their friends.
I imagined as they needed me less and my husband retiring, then we could go to London together, to enjoy the museums and theatres etc. I imagined that with my husband gets older I would be able to look after him with the comfort that my family and friends and all that is familiar surrounds me, and my work just moments away. And we have wealth of evening/day classes and societies that we currently have locally.
I imagined that having our home here in London, would be a good investment for our children. I have been told time and time again, that once you leave you can never really come back, (because London property prices increase out of context with the rest of the south east).

I am scared of being bored in a pretty house, that none of our friends will ever visit because we are we are just that "too far out".
My hobbies are also quite specialized and I can only do them in London so that would be the end of those unless I come in to town.

My husband saying that being near his beloved hills and country walks would be so worth moving out of London for (but he has an injured knee for the past two years and limps after 1/4 mile) . He wants his dream.

I am Just too practical I guess.

I just wonder if we can find something on the outskirts of London that will not make him feel hemmed in.

Maybe he could get himself a caravan or something.

You sound so sad, do you think he cares how you feel?

Brighton_belle

That is such a sad last post freeisgood. I feel the same about where I live. Fortunately my DH, who loves the country always realised that where I live (in the heart of a cosmopolitan town) is part of who I am and who he fell in love with. He has said he could never ask me to leave here because of this.
He gets his countryside fix through his work and hobbies.