If I don't move, he will leave me....

January20

MiserlyMartin wrote: »

I can see where the guy is coming from. I hate London, it's way overpriced (11 times average earnings to buy the average house), noisy, smelly, dirty, jammed with traffic and foriegners and crime. I live an hours commute from it but I avoid going there unless I have to. In many ways the London effect of overpriced housing is now spreading out to the outer SE and I am thinking of a move to the North - even further away from London. So you can buy a detached house in a leafy lane for a reasonable (compared to London) price. I hate having neighbours disturbing my peace and quiet slamming doors in flats and semi's. A detached house well away from others would be great. Support his desires to move I would say.

Please don't more to the North! It's full of foreigners too. I would know, I'm one of them!

lostinrates

paulineb wrote: »

I dont see much compromise in an ultimatum of the do as I wish or Im leaving you.

FBaby wrote: »

I guess we have a different perception of what an ultimatum is. For me, it is when someone makes a threat to go ahead with something they never really intend to do just so that they can get their way. It is different to me then someone voicing what they think will be the result of a disagreement when they trully believe it will happen.

After all, if OP is how unhappy at the prospect of spending the rest of his life in London as OP has expressed, how is that going to affect their relationship? You could turn it around and say that OP is giving him an ultimatum on their relationship if she refuses to consider moving knowing that it is likely to severely affect their marriage.

I think its very easy to say how we SHOULD ideally behave, and very much harder to always do that.


I personally would be more upset about an argument in front of children than the 'ultimatum'. I feel while far from ideal that in perspective a partner who is tired, frustrated , obviously in a state of not total rationality either of us if this were happening in front of children and felt I was unyielding, unreceptive and uncaring of his wants might resort to this kind of 'stock tactic' in an argument.,


As I say, far from ideal, but to me, not unforgivable as a one of. Far worse to me would be the joint behaviour of arguing, and frankly even discussing this kind of 'state of flux' stuff in front of kids and unsettling them.

lostinrates

globetraveller wrote: »

PS I never thought anyone in London would complain about a 30 minute commute. I do that every day in Aberdeen and I live within the city!!

At one time, for a short while I had an hour and a quarter commute within zone two. I have frequently allowed similar times within fairly central London areas. .

January20

paulineb wrote: »

I dont see much compromise in an ultimatum of the do as I wish or Im leaving you.

I agree! I'd call his bluff! I have a feeling he knows the OP will cave in anyway.



I grew up in the countryside! Never again! And I still ended up doing naughty things as a teenager.... probably because I was so bored and my parents assumed I would not get in trouble because of where we lived!

For me the countryside is this:

It's pretty when the weather is nice and I can drive up to it for walks with my friends, otherwise it's:

Boring - not much diversity in what to do (spend lots of time of MSE and tell everyone how great the countryside is?;))

Curtain twitching and people getting their nose in your business. Different mentality. In some places, you are never accepted.

Poor public transport. What if you can't drive or have to give up driving?

Spending a lot of time getting to places: for shopping, entertainment, kids leisure, etc

Isolation specifically when the weather is bad: snow - floods etc. One of my colleagues missed 3 weeks of work a couple of years ago because of living in the countryside and being snowed in! Not all employers are understanding of such things.

I could go on...

FatVonD

globetraveller wrote: »

PS I never thought anyone in London would complain about a 30 minute commute.

Me neither, the majority of people that work in London have a commute of around an hour, those that work 10 minutes from home are few and far between.

nickj_2

January20 wrote: »

I agree! I'd call his bluff! I have a feeling he knows the OP will cave in anyway.



I grew up in the countryside! Never again! And I still ended up doing naughty things as a teenager.... probably because I was so bored and my parents assumed I would not get in trouble because of where we lived!

For me the countryside is this:

It's pretty when the weather is nice and I can drive up to it for walks with my friends, otherwise it's:

Boring - not much diversity in what to do (spend lots of time of MSE and tell everyone how great the countryside is?;))

Curtain twitching and people getting their nose in your business. Different mentality. In some places, you are never accepted.

Poor public transport. What if you can't drive or have to give up driving?

Spending a lot of time getting to places: for shopping, entertainment, kids leisure, etc

Isolation specifically when the weather is bad: snow - floods etc. One of my colleagues missed 3 weeks of work a couple of years ago because of living in the countryside and being snowed in! Not all employers are understanding of such things.

I could go on...

this may apply if you are living in the outer hebrides ,

since your naughty days things have changed in the countryside , i live in a small village surrounded by fields , but we are 5 mins away from a motorway junction , we have a station ,1 hr journey to london liverpool st cambridge is a 20 min drive away , 1/2 hr drive to stansted airport , hourly bus service , 10 minute drive to nearest town for shopping , cinema ,swimming etc
yes it may be rural , but stuff does go on there , things happen

Person_one

nickj wrote: »

this may apply if you are living in the outer hebrides ,

since your naughty days things have changed in the countryside , i live in a small village surrounded by fields , but we are 5 mins away from a motorway junction , we have a station ,1 hr journey to london liverpool st cambridge is a 20 min drive away , 1/2 hr drive to stansted airport , hourly bus service , 10 minute drive to nearest town for shopping , cinema ,swimming etc
yes it may be rural , but stuff does go on there , things happen

That's not true of most rural areas, and ones that aren't so close to London.

The village I used to live in was only 30 miles or so from a pretty big city, but still gas engineers had to come in on skis when the snow was bad to get to elderly people trapped in their homes with no heat!

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

That's not true of most rural areas, and ones that aren't so close to London.

The village I used to live in was only 30 miles or so from a pretty big city, but still gas engineers had to come in on skis when the snow was bad to get to elderly people trapped in their homes with no heat!

And travel in some parts of nt very rural south east has been disrupted in this recent chaos.

Nonetheless, that's not what OP's partner is proposing as his suggestions, truely remote. He's proposing a home county from where are commuting daily, and on this thread saying its possible and suiting them and giving times many both living and working withing London would be pleased to have as a commute.

Any

January20 wrote: »

I agree! I'd call his bluff! I have a feeling he knows the OP will cave in anyway.



I grew up in the countryside! Never again! And I still ended up doing naughty things as a teenager.... probably because I was so bored and my parents assumed I would not get in trouble because of where we lived!

For me the countryside is this:

It's pretty when the weather is nice and I can drive up to it for walks with my friends, otherwise it's:

Boring - not much diversity in what to do (spend lots of time of MSE and tell everyone how great the countryside is?;))

Curtain twitching and people getting their nose in your business. Different mentality. In some places, you are never accepted.

Poor public transport. What if you can't drive or have to give up driving?

Spending a lot of time getting to places: for shopping, entertainment, kids leisure, etc

Isolation specifically when the weather is bad: snow - floods etc. One of my colleagues missed 3 weeks of work a couple of years ago because of living in the countryside and being snowed in! Not all employers are understanding of such things.

I could go on...

That might be true in some areas, but you can actively choose to live within good drive and good public transport network...

Really 30-45 minutes commute is what we are talking about here... it really is not unacceptable.

As long as that is what really happens and the place they choose! I would stand my ground on this one.

thegirlintheattic

January20 wrote: »

For me the countryside is this:

It's pretty when the weather is nice and I can drive up to it for walks with my friends, otherwise it's:

Boring - not much diversity in what to do (spend lots of time of MSE and tell everyone how great the countryside is?;))
Depends on where you choose to live. My village has many activities/clubs for all ages. Teenagers tend to hang out in the center of the village riding bikes rather than going to activities, but don't cause much trouble. There is a town just a bus journey away - again the OP needs to look at villages near a town

Curtain twitching and people getting their nose in your business. Different mentality. In some places, you are never accepted.

You may never be seen as local, BUT this is less likely in the home counties where most villages are made up of incommers. Where I live there isn't much curtain twitching (I've never noticed any), and you are left alone if you want to be. People are friendly though if you want a chat or to say good morning to in passing

Poor public transport. What if you can't drive or have to give up driving?
Again, depends on the village the OP chooses. My village has an hourly bus service, and a good taxi service is just a phone call away.

Spending a lot of time getting to places: for shopping, entertainment, kids leisure, etc
Again, depends on the village.The longest journey I have for any of that is 30 mins - and that is because I choose to go to a big supermarket, rather than a nearer smaller one

Isolation specifically when the weather is bad: snow - floods etc. One of my colleagues missed 3 weeks of work a couple of years ago because of living in the countryside and being snowed in! Not all employers are understanding of such things.

Again depends on the location, and you'll find employers in rural areas understand, and that city employers will just be impressed you managed to get out with any snow! I've never been snowed in here, never been flooded either.

The OP is talking about the home counties, not the back and beyonds! To put it into context, I live in somewhere rural, and have added my experiences above.

Yes, you can get those problems, but that's why the OP needs to have a good look at where she may want to live. You can get villages that have shops, schools, bus service and then villages with nowt.