If I don't move, he will leave me....

freeisgood

I would never leave my husband, I know I will move, because it is inevitable, though I feel sick to the stomach with just the idea of leaving the area I was brought up in, and that I am so fond of, with all my friends.

I know my husband is miserable here.

seven-day-weekend

If your husband is miserable, and for ten years he's been compromising by living in London, then you should give him a chance. You may even like it, and I'm sure you could get to spend some weekends in London.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

Ah come on, maybe not all of 'em, but its easy to read between the lines sometimes.

I think there is racism in uk. In towns, cities in country side. I have seen it, heard it and luckily very rarely experienced it. DH and I are a cross cultural barely Brit couple. . We love rural England.


We had a minor issue last summer about what should happen if any one asked about the issue of why 'we ' were in the church for a church fundraising event (I was on the committee for this because though not c of e I believe the church is a centre for our rural community and a valuable resource for many of my neighbours). I bit back the retort that they could answer that 'my' peoe built the church pre reformation and we all killed one of dh's for it. But I didn't and everyone else there was suitably horrified or had the decency to pretend to be.

The areas being talked about, the Home Counties, are diverse. Some are white outs. Some parts or Hertfordshire really aren't. One could raise Luton for example as an example.

My rural community is NOT a white out and is not Home Counties. MOD presence means we have a changing and diverse presence and its been tremendously beneficial culturally here IMO. But it does change the nature from small, more protected hamlets. My last village had six houses, and the nearest big village was about 200, miles from a city of main centre of employment. Its not surprising that every one else was white British. To expect otherwise would be odd. When friends who were a clue visited us they were really uncomfortable and said they felt really visible as a mixed race gay couple and I laughed my socks off, indeed, the skin colour was different, the gay far less so. And being white in a white village does NOT make one racist. Many of my neighbours were as welcoming and cosmopolitan as my friends from London, some of them are just more into gardening than theatre; w.i than arts, or out door recreation than gyms.

Different doesn't mean worse nor judgemental.

getmore4less

Why not at least work on your commute options and see what is within 30min-1hr away and eliminate anywhere that is just not accessable.

Up the M1 and A41 look accessable by car, don't know the london/crouch end bit. Looklike you have allready consided the A1M A10 areas a bit.

What train subway options are there.

There are some quite nice areas off the A41 and not so remote the kids will get issolated

Buzzybee90

lostinrates wrote: »

Tractors, combines, dairies should you live near one. Silage trailers come cutting time hurtling up the road. Horses hammering up the roads on a jolly trot. . Cyclists (cyclists are amazingly noisy conversationalists they shout and its amazing the things they shout about. ) hunts riding past are noisy.


If you live on a picturesque place near a NT site or a town you also get | The odd car rally, cycle race, road running races.


Edit....forgot about the sound of just moved livestock, lambing or calving. Weaning.........

I live on a farm

Combines seasonal, tractors office hours normally expect harvest, hunt once in a blue moon, cyclists miles away... I don't think you're thinking as rural as I am.

Person_one

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

If your husband is miserable, and for ten years he's been compromising by living in London, then you should give him a chance. You may even like it, and I'm sure you could get to spend some weekends in London.

He wasn't forced to live in London, was he? He made a choice to marry a Londoner and agree to settle there, he wasn't dragged there kicking and screaming!

This smacks of bullying to me.

tea_lover

He lived there before they got married didn't he? Or am I confusing threads?

[Deleted User]

Luton is not in Hertfordshire

Is it time to show him this thread? We all generally think that 'out of London' living is OK, but feel you're being bullied into it

lostinrates

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Friends whose parents shipped them out to the back of beyond all say they hated it, so picked universities as far away as possible - and never went back, having planned their escapes from about the age of 11.

Even the ones who were born in rural areas say it's all very well when you're five, but as you get older, there's just not enough to do if you're not into ponies.

Ponies are popular, but by no means universal.

Other activities popular in my area...

Cycling. (Massive network of off road trails) walking, beagles no, fishing, water sports of various types. Gliding and light aircraft. (Not sure if youngsters can do that just know a lot of it goes on locally!) We're near several places of sporting excellence for team training, so its popular place for some types of sports people to locate themselves for access to training. Music scene in nearby cities is pretty decent, and city access is decent by train. And there are some excellent access to music tuition for local youngsters across genres.


Um, not sure what else!


But country side is like London.......its not all the same. Access and opportunities will depend mainly on the motivation of the child and its parents. The ease of getting to those things will depend highly on WHERE in the country side they are.

lostinrates

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Luton is not in Hertfordshire

Is it time to show him this thread? We all generally think that 'out of London' living is OK, but feel you're being bullied into it

Apologies

I spent some short time time working on the border of the counties and DH was commuting into Luton at four am. It was a really short drive, I never noticed I was crossing a county line! .