Am I being silly?

GobbledyGook

The thing you actually have to ask yourself is - would saying something achieve anything?

The answer to that is most probably 'nothing other than a row and bad feeling'.

My first daughter has my MIL's name as a middle name. We gave used that one first as I knew she was huffy enough to be offended about it whereas I knew my Nana (who brought me up) was well aware of the fact that she didn't need that gesture to know my feelings towards her.

It also meant that there was never any debate about my son's name. First girl was getting MIL's name as a middle name = first son was being called after my Grandad.

I like family names. It's one of the traditions I think it's a shame that we've lost. Especially because there used to be an order it was done in so there was no offence as it was just 'the way it was'.

Georgiegirl256

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I don't get this naming after thing. Surely it's better that a kid has their own name, rather than being permanently linked to somebody they might like, might hate or might never know?.

IMO they're not permanently linked to someone just because they have a name which is the same as a family member/friend, they can still be their own person.

poet123

You really can't help how you feel, but I don't think mentioning it would improve matters. Clearly, there are other issues and they (whatever they are) are unlikely to be improved by you telling them how hurt you are.

That said, there does come a point when you have to stand up for yourself and only you know if this is the straw that broke the camel's back.

thorsoak

Debsue: did you call either of your daughters after your mother or mother-in-law? Just asking!

For the record, none of my 4 granddaughters have been called after me/my mother/mother-in-law .....but of the three families, all have used one of No 3 son's names in either masculine or feminine form!

So yes, I do think you are being silly - but you'll get over it!

Buffythedebtslayer

Going against the tide here, as an outsider to all things children I have watched my friends name their kids and the ruffled feelings caused. It is a political decision in some families!


I can understand why you would feel upset, I don't recommend you say anything though and think honestly families are the people that although we love them they really have the capacity to hurt us in ways friends can't.


I don't know what to say in terms of advice. I think long term it is best to try and sort out the issues behind this. it is all very difficult things can never be unsaid.


I always recommend the journaling or writing a letter(don't send it) to clarify feelings and define the issues. then see how you feel


xxxx

suejb2

Maybe your two daughters have got together and talked names.The "other" one may want to surprise you with her name choice, which may have something to do with your name.

GobbledyGook

Also you say you don't want them to name the baby after you - is that something you've ever mentioned out loud?

hawk30

We were going to give our daughter a middle name that was common in both our families, but in the end OH decided against it. So we gave a middle name that we liked, only to find out later that it was the middle name of my Nan! So we chose a family name without realising.

I actually like a version of my MIL's name and I don't think my mum would be bothered, but OH thinks it's weird.

So I do understand how names can be a hot topic within the family, I like suejb2's suggestion that the other daughter may want to surprise you.

msb5262

Maybe I'm being particularly slow but I don't understand why anybody apart from the parents should have a say in naming a child.
I'm also totally puzzled by the suggestion upthread that the OP should "stand up for herself" in this situation...I think my sister chose awful middle names for her daughter but I'd never say so; it just isn't anybody's place to comment except positively.
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. That should be the rule on children's names (even if the poor infant ends up called Cinderella or Tinkerbell - true examples!).
If a baby arrives safely and all is well, who cares what she's named?
Even if she were named after Edwina Currie or Eva Braun, it just doesn't matter in the scheme of things.

Free_Spirit_31

I thought this was the sort of thing the Royal Family would concern themselves with!!