MSE Pregnancy Club 28

ThinkPink

Oh sorry to hear you've started the day off on an argument. I completely get where you are coming from about feeling like people don't listen to what we want. Luckily my oh is in agreement at the moment about not having visitors for a couple of days (apart from one particular person), I just hope he doesn't give in once baby is here, if he does I would be tempted to go upstairs and leave him to deal with the baby and the visitors he has invited over!

I told him last night that I will tell my mum and he can tell his mum that we want to get settled back home and have a bit of an idea about feeding etc before visitors.

pink_petal

Hi all

I'm not really supposed to be on this thread til the weekend as I'm not quite 24 weeks but I lurk a bit and noticed the conversation about visitors and just had to post. We are having this same 'discussion' at the moment. I've said I'd rather just let people know after the baby is born as I don't want people (i.e. parents) rushing to the hospital while I'm in labour, ready to pounce on me and the baby straight away...this is my first and I haven't a clue what I'm doing! I just want a chance to get used to it, maybe have a wash! haha!

My mum is really put out by this. She wants to be there in the waiting room, she's even said she wouldn't mind being in during my labour but would leave when the actual pushing started. I know she means well and generally my mum is absolutely amazing but I just do not want this and feel like I'm offending her when I say I don't want her there. She doesnt get it's not about not wanting *her* there - just anyone, apart from OH!

It also doesn't help that OH agrees with her and says he is texting both sets of parents to let them know I'm in labour. He thinks I'm being completely unreasonable. If I thought for a minute they'd just be happy with that and then would await further news then I'd be fine but I know they'd be setting off for the hospital straight away!

Thank goodness we still have over 16 weeks to continue this discussion....!!!

psychopathbabble

Oh dear PP, it's difficult isn't it! Also, don't worry about 'shouldn't' be on this thread, it doesn't specify dates but we probably talk about stuff that isn't that relevant early on. Besides, you are almost in your third trimester... hope you are keeping well with it

DH has spoken to his dad and cleared it up but I've asked him to talk to his mum too... his dad has short term memory problems and I'm not convinced the message will get to her properly. He has told them that they and my sortofmum (long story) will be the first to know baby has arrived and they can then book their flights, even if they jump on the next flight down, but to wait until we tell them the baby has arrived. (Without wishing to be negative, I may be in labour for days, may need to be induced which can take days, who knows what will happen - don't need the stress of knowing they are on their way down too!) His dad seemed happy and hopefully it'll placate his mum. As for my sortofmum, I asked her outright the other day and she just said she will wait for us to say we are ready for visitors before coming down. I wish it was that simple all round.

I've also said I'm happy for him to let them know I'm in labour but that under no circumstance is he going to be spending a lot of time on his phone to everyone updating them (he is an absolute nightmare for being on his phone, we can't even walk up the road to the pub without him calling someone!). We will see I guess.

ThinkPink

Well I'll say welcome pink petal, especially as you are so close to moving on to here anyway.

I had said we wouldn't tell anyone until he is here, but oh mum seemed surprised at this so he agreed he would tell her. It was for everyone's benefit not to be told as they will not receive any updates so could be sat at home for hours and hours worrying but I'm insisting that oh is not to send any updates! I now feel I should also tell my mum,but I don't trust her not to tell anyone else. The last thing anyone in labour needs is a phone constantly going off with texts asking how things are going!! I know it's because they are excited but still!!

I mentioned to oh that sometimes people just turn up at the hospital and he seemed surprised by this, but luckily for us we have a couple of options of where we could go, so I'll just make sure they don't know which hospital we have gone too!! Do you have this option?

euronorris

Just FYI for anyone interested, I found an app this morning (free) for tracking everything for baby - feeds, bottle or breast, pumping output, nappy changes, sleep, weight, vaccines, length, head circumference etc. You can even add pictures and record milestones.

Very useful. The rota virus vaccine seems to have upset Mia's tummy and I'm concerned she's losing weight (seems to have stalled at the very least), and she's been very fussy at the breast so I'm pumping and feeding for a few days so we can measure how much she's getting and then check weight again.

The app is called baby tracker and very handy. Just thought I'd share

FreddieFrugal

psychopathbabble wrote: »

Also, don't worry about 'shouldn't' be on this thread

You would say that psychopathbabble because you were also naughty and started posting on this thread before you should have been.

I don't know! Forum members these days...
no respect for the rules

Kynthia

For those having trouble with getting OHs on board with your wishes during the labour it might be worth telling them that you being stressed or unhappy can stall/delay the labour and that the more comfortable and relaxed you are the better. I'm all for equal parenting but progressing through to full dilation really is something only your body can do and nature is designed to hold off if it thinks it isn't safe or is a stressful environment.

Things might change if they attend any kind of antenatal class with you and they hear what's involved with labour. I spent much of it at home on the bed wailing at the peak of every contraction. Hardly something I wanted an audience for. I think One Born Every Minute shows a lot of tge early stages when usually you'd be at home, and then then pushing stage. They miss out the hours of later labour so those watching may think there's lots of time sat around chatting when that's not the case (induction is different as you are there from early on).

Plus when it comes to visitors after then I didn't mean my post to sound like I wished my family hadn't visited the day I came out of hospital. They were very good and only stayed a short while but they got there virtually the moment I we got home and I could have done with settling first. The thing is you have to play things by ear anyway. We were back at the hospital for hours both day 2 and 3 due to jaundice, two of my NCT group had babies admitted to NICU for days after the birth, and one who was being induced took 2 days before giving up and having an emergency cesarean. So there's no point having definite after birth plans. Is there still tge birth stories thread on this board? Getting OHs to read some might be an eye - opener about why you might not be up for visitors immediately in the hospital.

pink_petal

Thanks for the welcome! I guess I can officially be here today..or maybe tomorrow...they can't seem to make up their minds if my due date is 31st dec or 1 Jan but by my dates I think I'm 24 weeks today!

I think OH is definitely going to come to am antenatal class with me so maybe he'll have more of a clue what's involved then. I do think he probably imagines she's just going to pop out!

ThinkPink

My oh is definitely on board with the visitors thing and completely agrees with this, I think we have managed to compromise on the notifying people of labour issue too.

I have started getting the 'any signs of baby' texts! I have just been replying to say no, and I won't be telling people even if there was!! Annoying thing is that I had about five yesterday and two of those were from people who I rarely hear from!!

euronorris

I'm afraid it will get worse thinkpink. I started replying with 'No. Can I please ask you to not ask again? I know you're excited, but I'm getting asked the same question about 20 times a day. I promise I'll tell you when she's here '. Everyone seemed to accept that.

There is a birth thread still kynthia. I haven't wanted to put mine on there yet as it's pretty negative and it's better for the pregnant ladies to read the positive ones. I don't think anyone's posted on it in months either.