MSE Pregnancy Club 28

Toots14

I messaged my mum and DH his mum when I was induced and the next time they heard from us was a few hours after Catherine was born. She was born on Sunday and I left hospital Wednesday afternoon in which time we had no visitors. I thoroughly enjoyed just me and DH getting to know her in the first few days and would have found guests overwhelming. My parents didn't visit until the Saturday and DH parents came the Sunday. I'd recommend putting off visitors for as long as possible!

psychopathbabble

Toots14 wrote: »

I'd recommend putting off visitors for as long as possible!

This! I don't see the problem with asking the in-laws to wait until the baby has arrived and then booking their flights - even if it's the same day or next day they fly down. I don't want the added pressure of knowing they are on their way! :mad: Families!

Kynthia

My labour wasn't long but I'm glad we didn't tell anyone else. I rang everyone just after she arrived and had my parents visit that afternoon. I didnt want texts or people turning up at the hospital while i was in labour. It was annoying to have family decend on or house within an hour of me and Leah being discharged as we hadn't settled and i'd had no sleep for 2 nights so was a zombie. So maybe don't allow that. Although to be fair they thought we'd be home hours before but it's not usually a quick thing to get discharged.

euronorris

I wasn't planning on telling anyone I was in labour, but being so overdue and ending up with an induction I had to tell the parents the induction date.

My Mum immediately booked a hotel and started making her way down! I tried to put her off, reminding her that inductions can take days but she wouldn't have it.

She was awful during that time. I won't go into it all, but she ended up unfriending me on Facebook (??!!) - which I didn't even know about until she messaged me s few days later asking if she could re add me now!! My labour was long, hard and very stressful and she just made it worse. Then got annoyed that I wouldn't allow any visitors that first day! I was a mess, but she didn't understand. Still doesn't. It has changed the dynamic of our relationship somewhat.

Be very firm about your wishes before labour is my advice.

psychopathbabble

euronorris wrote: »

I wasn't planning on telling anyone I was in labour, but being so overdue and ending up with an induction I had to tell the parents the induction date.

My Mum immediately booked a hotel and started making her way down! I tried to put her off, reminding her that inductions can take days but she wouldn't have it.

She was awful during that time. I won't go into it all, but she ended up unfriending me on Facebook (??!!) - which I didn't even know about until she messaged me s few days later asking if she could re add me now!! My labour was long, hard and very stressful and she just made it worse. Then got annoyed that I wouldn't allow any visitors that first day! I was a mess, but she didn't understand. Still doesn't. It has changed the dynamic of our relationship somewhat.

Be very firm about your wishes before labour is my advice.

You would think being the mums mum would make everything a bit easier :eek: I'm truly sorry to see it has affected your relationship. The more I think about it, the more I dread it.

euronorris

psychopathbabble wrote: »

You would think being the mums mum would make everything a bit easier :eek: I'm truly sorry to see it has affected your relationship. The more I think about it, the more I dread it.

She was very focused on how worried SHE was, and when SHE would get to hold baby etc etc. She doesn't get that trying to insist on hourly updates (!) just added more stress to the situation, and that I didn't want my induction announced on fb or that once she had arrived, it was OUR news to share first (after that, share away). She announced the news to my siblings before I was able to as well.

My MIL was great. Happy to wait until she was here and to be invited to visit at the hospital. And FIL and his wife even stayed away for a week or two, knowing that my parents had travelled so wanted to give them space before coming to visit us.

Eugh. I'm getting wound up again. I'm sure other people's parents won't be like that. I think my Mum is an extreme example. I just wish I'd have been firmer. She was annoyed at me for various smaller things, so I may as well have just been much firmer from the start anyway.

psychopathbabble

euronorris wrote: »

She was very focused on how worried SHE was, and when SHE would get to hold baby etc etc. She doesn't get that trying to insist on hourly updates (!) just added more stress to the situation, and that I didn't want my induction announced on fb or that once she had arrived, it was OUR news to share first (after that, share away). She announced the news to my siblings before I was able to as well.

My MIL was great. Happy to wait until she was here and to be invited to visit at the hospital. And FIL and his wife even stayed away for a week or two, knowing that my parents had travelled so wanted to give them space before coming to visit us.

Eugh. I'm getting wound up again. I'm sure other people's parents won't be like that. I think my Mum is an extreme example. I just wish I'd have been firmer. She was annoyed at me for various smaller things, so I may as well have just been much firmer from the start anyway.

Bit like weddings then, where everyone is concerned about themselves! I think my MIL will be worried about offending me, so it's almost the other extreme. But as I just don't know how we will be, I don't think it's unreasonable to wait to book their flights until baby has actually arrived rather than when I've gone into labour/induction is booked. This is only going to get worse when we have to decide on godparents etc too.. it's neverending! Sometimes I'm so glad I don't have a close family, I can just get on and do whatever I want! :rotfl:

ThinkPink

I'm really struggling between deciding what I want which I feel is best for our new little family unit and not upsetting people who are very excited about meeting our little man. Ideally I want a day or two to settle back with maybe just one person visiting(who I am extremely close to) and as she doesn't have children she won't try and tell me how I should be doing things. Argh, I hate making decisions like this as I always think about other people first.

Just looking at my measurement chart, I know they are inaccurate but if it is accurate baby will be over eight and half lb!! I really can't see him being that big at all!!

Beckyy

I'm still a little unsure about visitors too. I really want some time for us to bond with baby, establish feeding and have some time to ourselves before we have people coming in who will undoubtedly only want to see and hold the baby. I totally get that family are excited but I just think I'll want stay in our little bubble for a bit before I'm ready to share him.

My parents really want to visit asap after baby arrives but they would need to book accommodation in advance and have a long journey, so really need to plan quite soon. I'm intending to ask them to visit a couple of weeks after my due date as I know that even if I'm late and induced at least it would give us some time to get a bit settled and guarantee baby would be here, but I think my Mum will probably be a bit offended if I discourage them from visiting closer to due date. (No point of a wasted journey if I'm still waddling around anyway though!)

ThinkPink

It's so difficult isn't it, trying to get the balance between doing what is right for us and not upsetting everyone else.

Thing is, for me, I will either just give in and try and please everyone and let them visit too early, or if I feel people are pressuring me to come visit us my stubborn side will come out and I'll do the opposite and make them wait even longer!!

I really want a couple of days, just to work out what I'm doing with feeding etc without people telling me I should be doing things differently and also to be able to feel confident in whatever decision we go for (for example my mum is very pro breastfeeding and if it doesn't work out, or I decide it's not for me I want to feel confident in telling her im making the best decision for me and my child).

Hope everyone is ok.x