Daughter's friend

marisco_2

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Have you never been 14?!

Of course I have been 14, what an odd question. At that age I mixed happily with boys and enjoyed their company, without feeling the need to experiment sexually with them. Maybe that comes down to how I was raised, and that I had more respect for myself than to go to bed with a boy that showed a little bit of interest in me.

So a more pertinent question is how have you raised your daughter? Is she really the type that would want to experiment with a boy under her parents roof, who she and her circle of friends accept is gay? Or is she the type that wouldn't consider doing that, and just wishes to spend time at home with someone she really likes and gets on with?

Have you considered that by worrying about what other people will think and delaying agreeing to your daughters request, you are sending her a very clear message that you don't trust her or this boy fully and have reservations about allowing this. If this boy picks up on this it may affect his friendship with your daughter, and lead to her being excluded from things he does.

paulineb_2

lostinrates wrote: »

I'd say my friendship group ranged from pretty much totally uninterested/ asexual to more like daisy describes a that age.

There surely is a pretty wide range and why what suits one parent's child might not suit their friends? I mean, we're all different as adults, why wouldn't we all be different when we are at at age where differences are MORE pronounced by wider range of physical / emotional development.

To be honest, on the experimentation scale, I think a group of girls and one gay lad having a sleepover of an evening would be hardly any different to the group of girls being there on their own.

And thats the point of all of this. In some of the homes the girls are allowed but he isnt, because not everyone knows hes gay.

But the OP does know hes gay, so if she can get to a point where shes comfortable knowing that other people might be indulging in a bit of gossip because a boy is staying over, then hopefully she'll allow it and once the shock horror has died down, no one will think twice about it.

She cant control what the other parents do or think, only her own feelings on the matter.

lostinrates

paulineb wrote: »

To be honest, on the experimentation scale, I think a group of girls and one gay lad having a sleepover of an evening would be hardly any different to the group of girls being there on their own.

.

I think that's something every one has agreed on

Spendless

Why don't you start by saying he can go on a 1-2-1 sleepover and him sleep in another room. You say in your opening post that it's more about what others think because he's male. For all you know other parents might be having the same thoughts as you, but don't want to be the first to say it's ok. Once someone does it may lead the others to be fine with him joining in with other sleepovers.

thatgirlsam

Spendless wrote: »

Why don't you start by saying he can go on a 1-2-1 sleepover and him sleep in another room. You say in your opening post that it's more about what others think because he's male. For all you know other parents might be having the same thoughts as you, but don't want to be the first to say it's ok. Once someone does it may lead the others to be fine with him joining in with other sleepovers.

We don't have another room he could sleep in


I guess my ds could go on a campbed in my room and he could sleep in there


Or the living room, could set up a bed in there for him. Although in my teenage sleepover experience there is precious little sleeping done. Had a few girls here last weekend and they went to sleep at 5.30am

GobbledyGook

I think the two issues are being tangled up here.

Do you trust your daughter? My Grandparents allowed my best friend to stay over when I was 14/15 because they trusted that they knew me well enough to know that the thought of any funny business when they were in the other room was ick to me. He wasn't gay, in fact I married him in the end.

The the other parents issue. Do you generally parent your daughter to other people's expectations? If "everyone" is allowed do you change your mine? Set her come home time entirely dependant on what other parents decide? I doubt that. So this issue shouldn't matter either.

The fact that other parents may not allow their daughter to stay if he does isn't your responsibility. That's their call to make as the parent of their child. Your call is for your daughter and if that means they are all, boy included, welcome at a sleep over then that is fair enough.

I think it boils down to the simple fact of what is more important - your daughter's wishes and opinion or the opinion of other parents?

Buzzybee90

14?

At that age my friends and I were only interested in gossiping all night!

CKhalvashi

Spendless wrote: »

Why don't you start by saying he can go on a 1-2-1 sleepover and him sleep in another room. You say in your opening post that it's more about what others think because he's male. For all you know other parents might be having the same thoughts as you, but don't want to be the first to say it's ok. Once someone does it may lead the others to be fine with him joining in with other sleepovers.

I'm in full agreement with this, and would allow my DD's to do this with some conditions, probably based more on my upbringing than on the fear of things happening.

We've had a number of mixed sleepovers, and I did this at the same time, roughly 20 years ago.

CK

Spendless

thatgirlsam wrote: »

We don't have another room he could sleep in


I guess my ds could go on a campbed in my room and he could sleep in there


Or the living room, could set up a bed in there for him. Although in my teenage sleepover experience there is precious little sleeping done. Had a few girls here last weekend and they went to sleep at 5.30am

Yeah, I didn't mean another bedroom. Just another room to your daughters bedroom, the living room as an example.

I think sleepovers are misnamed too, stay-up-all-night-overs is more apt!

GobbledyGook

Also even if he wasn't gay if you are the only parent who allows a sleepover they are generally likely to behave because he won't want that exclusion back in place.