Daughter's friend

paulineb_2

thatgirlsam wrote: »

What about if it was just the 2 of them?


His sexuality is of no concern to anyone else, the thing I'm worried about is being called a irresponsible parent by others. Dunno why it matters though..


They don't know he is gay, they will just think that my dd has a boy to stay over at the age of 14

Surely its ok to be 14 and have male friends?

I remember being 18 and away at university and my then boyfriend visiting me at my digs and the landlady having some elderly female friends around and I remember later, when I was moving out (my landlady was a crackpot) my landlady said to my mum that her friends had said to her, her light is off, they must be having sex.

We werent having sex, we were sleeping together but absolutely not under her roof, I didnt feel comfortable and when I heard what had been said about me I was raging, I thought how dare people make that assumption and just tattle about me.

Just because some people could have sex, doesnt mean they are going to be doing it.

Dare I say it, if jumping to conclusions is what this group of parents do, they dont sound much like friends to me.

Person_one

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Oh sorry, it's just that you said other people who are MORE homophobic/judgemental than ME!
I would be sad if you thought that!

I can see the mixup, but if you're not homophobic at all then there are lots of people who are more homophobic than you, see what I mean?

Now that we know the boy has come out as gay, I really think there's absolutely no need to worry about any 'experimenting' going on. It takes a lot of courage to come out so young, he's made a public declaration that he's attracted to boys, not girls. Most gay men have absolutely zero desire to do any experimenting with girls.

Person_one

thatgirlsam wrote: »

What about if it was just the 2 of them?


His sexuality is of no concern to anyone else, the thing I'm worried about is being called a irresponsible parent by others. Dunno why it matters though..


They don't know he is gay, they will just think that my dd has a boy to stay over at the age of 14

"X and Y are friends, I'm pleased my daughter has established a tight knit group of friends and I wouldn't dream of treating any of them differently for any reason."

Repeat as necessary!

paulineb_2

daisiegg wrote: »

Really? My friends and I were like dogs on heat at that age! hormones running riot! But as I said earlier in the thread, a mixed sleepover under our parents' roof with them present was not where we would have been likely to do our experimentation.

Yes really. I didnt sleep with someone until I was almost 19 and that was the first person that I had been sexually active with, apart from the odd kiss with someone.

But thats just me. Some of my friends had been sleeping with their partners from 16 onwards, perhaps the fact that I saw several of them get their hearts broken afterwards made me think about whether I really wanted to be sleeping with someone for the sake of it. If I had done anything with anyone else up until that point and it wasnt that no one ever asked me to, Id have been doing it for the sake of it, not because I wanted to.

We are all different, that was just me and what felt comfortable to me at the time.

paulineb_2

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Thank you. But on that basis should I allow her boyfriend to sleep over with her? Given that they could be doing it anywhere?


Im not trying to be difficult, just genuinely wondering!

Its your call. Some people might want a bf to stay over in that instance. But your daughter is underage, thats a different conversation altogether and her gay male friend staying over is different again.
Hes 14, hes gay, he doesnt sound like hes sexually interested in her nor her him.

I think them shagging is the last thing you need to worry about, seems to be what other people might conclude is whats concerning you more.

thatgirlsam

paulineb wrote: »

Surely its ok to be 14 and have male friends?

I remember being 18 and away at university and my then boyfriend visiting me at my digs and the landlady having some elderly female friends around and I remember later, when I was moving out (my landlady was a crackpot) my landlady said to my mum that her friends had said to her, her light is off, they must be having sex.

We werent having sex, we were sleeping together but absolutely not under her roof, I didnt feel comfortable and when I heard what had been said about me I was raging, I thought how dare people make that assumption and just tattle about me.

Just because some people could have sex, doesnt mean they are going to be doing it.

Dare I say it, if jumping to conclusions is what this group of parents do, they dont sound much like friends to me.

Of course its ok to be 14 have male friends. Is it ok to let male friends sleep over was the point?

thatgirlsam

paulineb wrote: »

Its your call. Some people might want a bf to stay over in that instance. But your daughter is underage, thats a different conversation altogether and her gay male friend staying over is different again.
Hes 14, hes gay, he doesnt sound like hes sexually interested in her nor her him.

I think them shagging is the last thing you need to worry about, seems to be what other people might conclude is whats concerning you more.

Yes it is! That is what I have been saying all along!


I feel like I'm wading through treacle here :-)

thatgirlsam

Person_one wrote: »

"X and Y are friends, I'm pleased my daughter has established a tight knit group of friends and I wouldn't dream of treating any of them differently for any reason."

Repeat as necessary!

Thank you.. You're completely right. Sometimes you just need someone to point it out to you. I'm being ridiculous!!

lostinrates

paulineb wrote: »

Ive been 14, but I must have been a really square and boring 14, because experimenting with male friends really wasnt on my mind at that point in my life.

daisiegg wrote: »

Really? My friends and I were like dogs on heat at that age! hormones running riot! But as I said earlier in the thread, a mixed sleepover under our parents' roof with them present was not where we would have been likely to do our experimentation.

I'd say my friendship group ranged from pretty much totally uninterested/ asexual to more like daisy describes a that age.

There surely is a pretty wide range and why what suits one parent's child might not suit their friends? I mean, we're all different as adults, why wouldn't we all be different when we are at at age where differences are MORE pronounced by wider range of physical / emotional development.

paulineb_2

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Yes it is! That is what I have been saying all along!


I feel like I'm wading through treacle here :-)

Nothing anyone else can say on here is going to change your mind on that one.

You either let him stay and sod what other people think. Or you dont let him stay and be safe in the knowledge that no one else will be talking.

Why would the other parents need to know he was staying over anyway, its your business.