Daughter's friend

lostinrates

paulineb wrote: »

Ask what the other mums think? Thats the last thing I would do. I certainly wouldnt want to make that boy be the centre of more attention given that hes not allowed to stay at their houses.

So, if she doesn't ask the mothers/parents, has hi. Stay to one of the group sleepovers and all hell breaks loose that's not going to help him much either is it?

If she's going to have just him and her child, no , she doesn't need to speak to anyone other than his parents, but if the other girls parents don't allow it and she goes ahead without their being on side the back lash might be pretty unfair.

The idea is NOT to make him the centre of attention, its to get him able to be part of the group Activity in a way acceptable to the majority of the other parents involved. If one/two other girls are the one's trooping home instead of getting into their onsie it will also be a shame, but at least the one's staying home can take turns a bit.

wiogs

"her best friend is a boy, it is obvious that is going to be / is gay."

That made me laugh a lot.

In what way is it obvious, does he have sex with other boys is that how you know he is gay?


As for the sleep over - no problems with boys and girls coming to a sleep over, boys in one room and girls in an other.

Except obviously the "gay to be" as he will need his own room as who knows what he will get up to.......;)

lostinrates

paulineb wrote: »

I mean from your posts youve already said that hes not allowed to sleep at any of the other girls homes. What I mean is, why would you ask the opinion of other people who have already made it clear they dont want the boy to stay overnight in their homes?

Yes being able to sleep over would make things a bit more normal for him, but the decision you have to make is yours. If you are comfortable having him in your home overnight then thats your decision to make. Im just not sure why youd speak to other people who have already made the decision not to alllow him in their homes.

And I think its important for him that his privacy is respected. Im not sure if I were the teen in that situation Id want a group of people discussing me either.

Because their children are there too. Its not a privacy issue. His presumed sexuality doesn't need to be raised once. Its neither here nor there IMo to the issue of how a group sleepover of mixed gender in a . Group of close friends is managed.

thatgirlsam

Person_one wrote: »

It doesn't matter what the other mums think, and to be honest, until he actually comes out, I don't think you should be discussing his sexuality with other people and potentially 'outing' him to people who might be more judgmental/homophobic than you are.

Have you had a proper conversation with your daughter about this?

Err, yes I have talked to her about it!


He has come out to the girls, and to his Mum


If they are going to have a group sleepover, do you not think I ought to tell the other Mums there will be a boy there, or should I let the other girls mention, or not mention it. I would like to be told if my dd was going to sleepover at a mates that there would be boy/boys there. She is 14.


Do you really think I'm homophobic P1?

paulineb_2

lostinrates wrote: »

So, if she doesn't ask the mothers/parents, has hi. Stay to one of the group sleepovers and all hell breaks loose that's not going to help him much either is it?

If she's going to have just him and her child, no , she doesn't need to speak to anyone other than his parents, but if the other girls parents don't allow it and she goes ahead without their being on side the back lash might be pretty unfair.

The idea is NOT to make him the centre of attention, its to get him able to be part of the group Activity in a way acceptable to the majority of the other parents involved. If one/two other girls are the one's trooping home instead of getting into their onsie it will also be a shame, but at least the one's staying home can take turns a bit.

Why should all hell break loose? Are we talking about a group of adults here or are we talking about a bunch of sheep where if one person makes a decision everyone else has to follow.

Stuff what the other parents think, what on earth does it have to do with them whether the OP allows the boy in her home?

I understand to the point where it might be something that if one person allows it then other people might naturally follow, but I still wouldnt be discussing this with any of the other parents.

He will still be the subject of discussion even if that isnt in a negative way and thats the part that makes me uncomfortable.

There should be no backlash if the OPs daughter and this friend dont invite anyone else over, its their business and the OPs parents business who they have under their roof.

thatgirlsam

wiogs wrote: »

"her best friend is a boy, it is obvious that is going to be / is gay."

That made me laugh a lot.

In what way is it obvious, does he have sex with other boys is that how you know he is gay?


As for the sleep over - no problems with boys and girls coming to a sleep over, boys in one room and girls in an other.

Except obviously the "gay to be" as he will need his own room as who knows what he will get up to.......;)

He has said he is gay

paulineb_2

lostinrates wrote: »

Because their children are there too. Its not a privacy issue. His presumed sexuality doesn't need to be raised once. Its neither here nor there IMo to the issue of how a group sleepover of mixed gender in a . Group of close friends is managed.

In the OPs original post she didnt say anything as far as Im aware about having a group of people over, it read like it was going to be the daughter and her male friend.

Person_one

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Err, yes I have talked to her about it!


He has come out to the girls, and to his Mum


If they are going to have a group sleepover, do you not think I ought to tell the other Mums there will be a boy there, or should I let the other girls mention, or not mention it. I would like to be told if my dd was going to sleepover at a mates that there would be boy/boys there. She is 14.


Do you really think I'm homophobic P1?

No, of course not, I think you need to re-read what I wrote!

wiogs

thatgirlsam wrote: »

He has said he is gay

You could have said that in your original post then.

As for a sleep over. Let him come along with whoever else is there.

his sexuality is neither here nor there. Nor any concern of anyone else.

lostinrates

paulineb wrote: »

Why should all hell break loose? Are we talking about a group of adults here or are we talking about a bunch of sheep where if one person makes a decision everyone else has to follow.

Stuff what the other parents think, what on earth does it have to do with them whether the OP allows the boy in her home?

I understand to the point where it might be something that if one person allows it then other people might naturally follow, but I still wouldnt be discussing this with any of the other parents.

He will still be the subject of discussion even if that isnt in a negative way and thats the part that makes me uncomfortable.

There should be no backlash if the OPs daughter and this friend dont invite anyone else over, its their business and the OPs parents business who they have under their roof.

Agreed, if its just her child and the boy, no one else's business, But she said that its said when he has to leave all the others, so while she was initially talking about the two of them, she then started talking about group sleep overs.

If the 'rules' have been he is not allowed to stay in others houses I do not think she should choose to go against that on behalf of other parents for their children with out speaking to them.

She could say ' this weekend x is staying, he'll be on the sofa , the girls upstairs,' or however she decides to deal with it' so they can make their choice for their children. I am not suggesting she ask their permission, just that she doesn't go against the group rule.



For all she knows all the other parents feel the same as her and no one wants to look like the dodgy parent who is prepared to have a boy over first