Daughter's friend

thatgirlsam

lostinrates wrote: »

Poor, poor kid. . Its not great for the others either, to see this kind of 'treatment' of someone they care about.

Have you spoken to his parents, pther parents in the group and seen what compromise they'd be happy with? A group sleep over all in a sitting room seems fairly 'safe' as these things go....

I know!


He is a great kid, I have a lot of respect for him


Yes I will ask what the other Mums think

paulineb_2

thatgirlsam wrote: »

I know!


He is a great kid, I have a lot of respect for him


Yes I will ask what the other Mums think

Ask what the other mums think? Thats the last thing I would do. I certainly wouldnt want to make that boy be the centre of more attention given that hes not allowed to stay at their houses.

Blue264

gazebo wrote: »

As a gay person myself, it annoyed me when my mother was more concerned about what others would think of her, rather than making sure I was ok - it's not all about you

:T:T

When my mum was a girl, back in the 1930's and 40's, her best friend was a gay boy, and her younger sister was (and still is) best friends with the boy's younger sister.

My nan worked part time in the local theatre, so she had a lot of gay friends herself and was totally accepting of my mum's friendship.

It isn't about you...except for one thing... You clearly did something very right in the way you have raised your daughter, which has led her to choose a close group of good friends. You can take great pride in that, but please don't mess it up now! If your daughter treats this lad in the same way as her other girlfriends, you should take her lead and trust her judgement on this one. I think she would gain even more respect for you if you did.

jetplane

OP I thought you meant one to one sleepover, if it's a group then I'm surprised his girlfriends aren't speaking up for him. It's possible that rather than have a hang up you are actually the most rational of the other parents.

Tell him to bring his onsie and a DVD

thatgirlsam

paulineb wrote: »

Ask what the other mums think? Thats the last thing I would do. I certainly wouldnt want to make that boy be the centre of more attention given that hes not allowed to stay at their houses.

I don't really understand this


Do you mean for his sake? Don't you think being able to sleep over would make things a bit more 'normal' for him?

thatgirlsam

jetplane wrote: »

OP I thought you meant one to one sleepover, if it's a group then I'm surprised his girlfriends aren't speaking up for him. It's possible that rather than have a hang up you are actually the most rational of the other parents.

I did mean a one to one sleepover in the beginning


But he has also not been allowed as part of a group


It's both really

thatgirlsam

Blue264 wrote: »

:T:T

When my mum was a girl, back in the 1930's and 40's, her best friend was a gay boy, and her younger sister was (and still is) best friends with the boy's younger sister.

My nan worked part time in the local theatre, so she had a lot of gay friends herself and was totally accepting of my mum's friendship.

It isn't about you...except for one thing... You clearly did something very right in the way you have raised your daughter, which has led her to choose a close group of good friends. You can take great pride in that, but please don't mess it up now! If your daughter treats this lad in the same way as her other girlfriends, you should take her lead and trust her judgement on this one. I think she would gain even more respect for you if you did.

I know it's not about me.. that is why I'm asking


I want to do the right thing for everyone


At 14 she is my responsibility, another couple of years and she will do what she wants!

Person_one

thatgirlsam wrote: »

I know!


He is a great kid, I have a lot of respect for him


Yes I will ask what the other Mums think

It doesn't matter what the other mums think, and to be honest, until he actually comes out, I don't think you should be discussing his sexuality with other people and potentially 'outing' him to people who might be more judgmental/homophobic than you are.

Have you had a proper conversation with your daughter about this?

paulineb_2

thatgirlsam wrote: »

I don't really understand this


Do you mean for his sake? Don't you think being able to sleep over would make things a bit more 'normal' for him?

I mean from your posts youve already said that hes not allowed to sleep at any of the other girls homes. What I mean is, why would you ask the opinion of other people who have already made it clear they dont want the boy to stay overnight in their homes?

Yes being able to sleep over would make things a bit more normal for him, but the decision you have to make is yours. If you are comfortable having him in your home overnight then thats your decision to make. Im just not sure why youd speak to other people who have already made the decision not to alllow him in their homes.

And I think its important for him that his privacy is respected. Im not sure if I were the teen in that situation Id want a group of people discussing me either.

paulineb_2

thatgirlsam wrote: »

I did mean a one to one sleepover in the beginning


But he has also not been allowed as part of a group


It's both really

All I can say is poor kid. Reservations aside, why cant people allow him into their homes even if he had to sleep on a sofa? Hes part of a group of friends yet hes excluded because hes a boy. I wonder how he feels about it all. Crap I would expect.