Daughter's friend

marisco_2

The problem here isn't with a teenage boy who may or may not be gay. Nor is it with whether he may decide to experiment with girls. The issue you have is in not being able to place trust in your daughter. Until you address this and find ways to move past it she is the one who stands to be excluded, not the boy.

thatgirlsam

paulineb wrote: »

In the OPs original post she didnt say anything as far as Im aware about having a group of people over, it read like it was going to be the daughter and her male friend.

Yes that was the original point


It kind of moved on to group sleepovers aswell


Thanks for your pov Pauline, you are right it really shouldn't matter what other people think. I guess I just don't want people to think I'm an irresponsible parent etc. It shouldn't matter though.

thatgirlsam

marisco wrote: »

The problem here isn't with a teenage boy who may or may not be gay. Nor is it with whether he may decide to experiment with girls. The issue you have is in not being able to place trust in your daughter. Until you address this and find ways to move past it she is the one who stands to be excluded, not the boy.

I do trust her. But it is normal to experiment. Have you never been 14?! And why would she be excluded?

thatgirlsam

Person_one wrote: »

No, of course not, I think you need to re-read what I wrote!

Oh sorry, it's just that you said other people who are MORE homophobic/judgemental than ME!
I would be sad if you thought that!

paulineb_2

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Yes that was the original point


It kind of moved on to group sleepovers aswell


Thanks for your pov Pauline, you are right it really shouldn't matter what other people think. I guess I just don't want people to think I'm an irresponsible parent etc. It shouldn't matter though.

You dont sound like an irresponsible parent.

If you trust this boy and your daughter and you are happy that he sleeps on the sofa, I really think that you should consider giving him a chance.

You could be making a big difference to his life. What other people think does not matter, people will always gossip.

It really is a sad sign of the times that a 14 year old boy who has said he is gay is excluded from sleepovers on the basis of, well Im not exactly sure what the basis would be.

That they might experiment sexually. I totally understand people wanting to keep their kids safe under their roof and minimise risk to their teens.

But speaking as someone who worked with young people of the ages of 14 and up for a long time, the person who said earlier in the thread, might have been the OP that if they wanted to experiment they could be doing it anywhere, well thats a realistic observation.

Sadly, this lad might find life hard in years to come because of the amount of prejudice there is against people who are gay. Including him now would be positive as far as Im concerned.

paulineb_2

thatgirlsam wrote: »

I do trust her. But it is normal to experiment. Have you never been 14?! And why would she be excluded?

Ive been 14, but I must have been a really square and boring 14, because experimenting with male friends really wasnt on my mind at that point in my life.

thatgirlsam

wiogs wrote: »

You could have said that in your original post then.

As for a sleep over. Let him come along with whoever else is there.

his sexuality is neither here nor there. Nor any concern of anyone else.

What about if it was just the 2 of them?


His sexuality is of no concern to anyone else, the thing I'm worried about is being called a irresponsible parent by others. Dunno why it matters though..


They don't know he is gay, they will just think that my dd has a boy to stay over at the age of 14

thatgirlsam

paulineb wrote: »

Ive been 14, but I must have been a really square and boring 14, because experimenting with male friends really wasnt on my mind at that point in my life.

Fair enough, but plenty do.


I spent 7 years working in a maternity unit and have delivered quite a few babies to girls who are 14.


Not saying my dd would do anything like that. But Im pretty sure their parents probably thought that too.

daisiegg

paulineb wrote: »

Ive been 14, but I must have been a really square and boring 14, because experimenting with male friends really wasnt on my mind at that point in my life.

Really? My friends and I were like dogs on heat at that age! hormones running riot! But as I said earlier in the thread, a mixed sleepover under our parents' roof with them present was not where we would have been likely to do our experimentation.

thatgirlsam

paulineb wrote: »

You dont sound like an irresponsible parent.

If you trust this boy and your daughter and you are happy that he sleeps on the sofa, I really think that you should consider giving him a chance.

You could be making a big difference to his life. What other people think does not matter, people will always gossip.

It really is a sad sign of the times that a 14 year old boy who has said he is gay is excluded from sleepovers on the basis of, well Im not exactly sure what the basis would be.

That they might experiment sexually. I totally understand people wanting to keep their kids safe under their roof and minimise risk to their teens.

But speaking as someone who worked with young people of the ages of 14 and up for a long time, the person who said earlier in the thread, might have been the OP that if they wanted to experiment they could be doing it anywhere, well thats a realistic observation.

Sadly, this lad might find life hard in years to come because of the amount of prejudice there is against people who are gay. Including him now would be positive as far as Im concerned.

Thank you. But on that basis should I allow her boyfriend to sleep over with her? Given that they could be doing it anywhere?


Im not trying to be difficult, just genuinely wondering!