Daughter's friend

daisiegg

gazebo wrote: »

because the OP has started out by saying the boy is or might be gay, identifies more with girls etc- then mentions that she worries about what others will think in the context of allowing a boy to stay over

my point really is that the issue is less to do with sexuality and more to do with genders, hence the part about him being assumed to be gay is actually not particularly relevant.

I do understand my original post was not particularly clear on that point and I also know we will all have our own opinions.

I think the point about being gay was relevant, because that is the reason she might consider letting a boy sleep over, as she would be less worried about the risk of them having sex than she would be with a straight boy. But then she is worried that people (who presumably do not know that the boy is gay) will think she is condoning 14 year olds having sex if she lets a boy sleep over with her daughter. It was clear to me...

gazebo

I respect that I have interpreted this in a different way to the majority of you and I apologise if I have caused any offence.

As the issue is more about having a boy stay over, I did say in my original post that surely she would be within her rights to suggest he stayed on the sofa.

jetplane

What if your daughter asked to have a sleepover with a friend who was a girl? You assume that they wont have sex or be tempted to experiment, would they sleep in the same bed? I have a gay nephew who has never had male friends always hangs out with girls and I know that they have had sleepovers at each others houses since school but I don't think it was ever on a one to one.

Your daughter will experiment with whoever, whenever and however she wants to but I understand you don't want to facilitate this. I think if you feel uncomfortable then you can say no, if its about what other people will think then how do they know the sleeping arrangements? Meanwhile talk to your daughter about experimenting and safe sex.

peachyprice

Kynthia wrote: »

I don't see what you see. My interpretation is that the boy's sexuality is not the issue at all but his gender is.

If he's gay he's clearly not going to pounce on OP's DD daughter in the night. Presumably OP's DD is aware of the difference between male and female anatomies. So why is his gender an issue?

It seems OP is worried about what other people may think, why? What business is it of anyone else who she allows her daughter to sleep over or where they sleep?

paulineb_2

I think if the OP has enough trust to let them be alone in her room during the day, him staying overnight would not be a big issue. What other people think should not matter. Teens can and do have sex and experiment at 14, but not everyone does at that age.

thatgirlsam

gazebo wrote: »

without being harsh, have a proper read at everything you have said and think - the only person excluding him from things is you

as the parent of a fourteen year old, you are within your rights to say ok, he can stay over but I'd be happier if he slept on the sofa.

His sexuality appears to be your hang up, not the more natural worry of what happens if they experiement, should I let my daughter have a boy over to stay.

As a gay person myself, it annoyed me when my mother was more concerned about what others would think of her, rather than making sure I was ok - it's not all about you

Honestly I don't care about his or anyone elses sexuality


She is 14 years old and my responsibility, I wouldn't allow her to have a boyfriend sleep over at this age


He is not her boyfriend though. Thanks for your pov

thatgirlsam

gazebo wrote: »

because the OP has started out by saying the boy is or might be gay, identifies more with girls etc- then mentions that she worries about what others will think in the context of allowing a boy to stay over

my point really is that the issue is less to do with sexuality and more to do with genders, hence the part about him being assumed to be gay is actually not particularly relevant.

I do understand my original post was not particularly clear on that point and I also know we will all have our own opinions.

The main point the OP made her post presumably was to ask should she let her daughter have a boy stay over and what would people do

No, it really isn't. I would not allow her to have a boy to sleep alone with her in her room.


Should I allow a gay boy to sleep over was more the point. Bare in mind they are only 14, if she was 16 I don't think I'd be asking..

thatgirlsam

peachyprice wrote: »

If he's gay he's clearly not going to pounce on OP's DD daughter in the night. Presumably OP's DD is aware of the difference between male and female anatomies. So why is his gender an issue?

It seems OP is worried about what other people may think, why? What business is it of anyone else who she allows her daughter to sleep over or where they sleep?

I do agree with what you say


For some reason though I do have an issue what other parents will think.. not sure why! I guess that is MY hang up and I should get over it


I feel sorry for him when the group are all getting ready for a sleepover and he has to go home.. Its obvious that he gets wants to get in his onesie with them and watch chick flicks together


That's not just at my house, he is not allowed to stay at any of the other girls houses either

bagpussbear

If you feel uncomfortable about it, then don't let him stay.

If they are good friends, not staying over won't matter an inch to their friendship.

lostinrates

thatgirlsam wrote: »

I do agree with what you say


For some reason though I do have an issue what other parents will think.. not sure why! I guess that is MY hang up and I should get over it


I feel sorry for him when the group are all getting ready for a sleepover and he has to go home.. Its obvious that he gets wants to get in his onesie with them and watch chick flicks together


That's not just at my house, he is not allowed to stay at any of the other girls houses either

Poor, poor kid. . Its not great for the others either, to see this kind of 'treatment' of someone they care about.

Have you spoken to his parents, pther parents in the group and seen what compromise they'd be happy with? A group sleep over all in a sitting room seems fairly 'safe' as these things go....


Edit....btw, I think its really good you are trying to think about this dispite your discomfort. I think you deserve great support and credit. Its difficult to know what to do I think.