Hen night: am I being tight?

orangeslimes

I sometimes think my friends live on a different planet to me. One of my friends is getting married and another friend has organised the hen night. It's a weekend away and I am a bit taken aback she has gone and booked accommodation at the cost of £100+ each without checking everyone is happy with it.

Including the cost of train tickets/eating the weekend is easily going to be £300.

I can afford it- its just I don't like spending money that I feel isn't necessary - and I am not sure it is fair to expect people to spend so much on a weekend. One of the girls who is invited doesn't have a job, another is studying.

If I had a hen party I would have it in the city where I live where I could put people up so the main cost would be limited to travel and drinks/maybe a meal, as not all my friends are well off (no plans to get married though).

I'm not sure if I am being unreasonable? or maybe I just have different values and priorities. These same friends have organised group holidays before (which I haven't been on) which involve booking expensive cottages abroad with swimming pools which I just view as extravagant.

It just seems that its so expensive - as there's also the cost of going to the actual wedding itself. I'm glad none of my other friends are getting married soon.

I just wondered what people's thoughts are on this?

RobotsinDisguse

Id be really peeved if I had been asked to pay that much, especially with it all sorted and no consultation. I wonder when the hen thinks? Whether she realises the pressure it is putting on people?

I've had 2 friends plan expensive hens; one due to the travel involved but I was the odd one out living so far away so no one minded that I didn't go, and one that I'd have loved to have gone on but money plus timing meant it wasn't sensible.

It can be really difficult to plan something that everyone is happy with though. To the extent that I didn't even have a hen!

If I were you I'd have a chat with the student and unemployed girl, Just because they are invited doesn't mean they'll go. Perhaps you 3 could plan something with the hen another weekend?

Valli

Booking without checking?

Silly girl! Presumably it's on her CC...

and rude too, downright rude.

GobbledyGook

It wouldn't bother me if someone planned that, but I'd be annoyed at it being booked with the assumption I'd go without any consultation.

I have a friend who is having a £400 Hen weekend soon, but she basically planned it for her and her bridesmaids (she's paying for them) and then said that's what she was doing and anyone who wanted too was welcome to join them. She's having a few drinks the Friday before the wedding in the local pub for everyone and anyone to join. That's the way an expensive dos (and weddings) should be imo.

Some people just forget they are issuing invitations - not a summons.

Georgiegirl256

orangeslimes wrote: »

These same friends have organised group holidays before (which I haven't been on) which involve booking expensive cottages abroad with swimming pools which I just view as extravagant.

I've picked out the above paragraph, as I disagree with you on that point. If expensive cottages abroad with swimming pools is what people want in a holiday, then IMO it's not extravagant. If that's what people enjoy, and they have the money to do so, then why not? Have you been invited on these holidays?

Back to the topic in question though, then yes, I do agree with you, it is a lot to spend on a hen party if you are inviting people who's finances aren't as well off as you're own. The girl in question should have checked with everyone wether or not they could afford it before booking and shouldn't have presumed. That being said, if that is what the hen wants, then it is after all her 'do', maybe she could have a smaller party back home for those that can't make the weekend?

But, going back to my first paragraph again, if you have the money and you really want to go then sometimes you've just got to think 'sod the money, I want to go and deserve a treat!', you can't take it with you after all.

DaveTheMus

£300 for a weekend away with your mates when you can afford it sounds like a bargain to me.....

Go and enjoy yourself.

orangeslimes

RobotsinDisguse wrote: »

Id be really peeved if I had been asked to pay that much, especially with it all sorted and no consultation. I wonder when the hen thinks? Whether she realises the pressure it is putting on people?

There was consultation on the date, and the idea of renting a cottage somewhere was mentioned. I just expected a "we are thinking of this place, what do you think message?" rather than a booking. I'm not sure what's actually been paid - probably only a deposit. There also seems to be some idea of going to a spa as well.
The hen approved the place. To be fair if I do say something to her she might offer to contribute - or pay for dinner out or something.

I've had 2 friends plan expensive hens; one due to the travel involved but I was the odd one out living so far away so no one minded that I didn't go, and one that I'd have loved to have gone on but money plus timing meant it wasn't sensible.

I am the one who lives furthest away from these friends too. To be fair they have tried to choose a location somewhere in the middle (but 4 hours by train for me, is far longer than it will be for anyone else)

It can be really difficult to plan something that everyone is happy with though. To the extent that I didn't even have a hen!

Yes this is why I think I shouldn't be too grumpy.

If I were you I'd have a chat with the student and unemployed girl, Just because they are invited doesn't mean they'll go. Perhaps you 3 could plan something with the hen another weekend?

Not sure how they feel about it, but not sure it would work as everyone is spread out across the country.

Also I would feel really bad about not going as the hen is a good friend of mine and I know she will really want a "group" get
together (and I haven't been to several of her birthday things etc over the years because of expense/distance). I think its more the not being asked how much I can spend that annoyed me, rather than the actual expense.

orangeslimes

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I've picked out the above paragraph, as I disagree with you on that point. If expensive cottages abroad with swimming pools is what people want in a holiday, then IMO it's not extravagant. If that's what people enjoy, and they have the money to do so, then why not? Have you been invited on these holidays?

Yes -no it is fair enough. I have been invited - but its just a bit difficult because I have different ideas about what's important in a holiday (and also live in a different part of the country meaning flights are more expensive).
Also whenever I went on holiday with a child it was nearly always going to stay with a relative, as hotels were always too expensive. I think this has rubbed off on me and I feel guilty spending money on hotels and things that would have been too expensive when I was 12 - which is silly.

Georgiegirl256

orangeslimes wrote: »

The hen approved the place. To be fair if I do say something to her she might offer to contribute - or pay for dinner out or something.
.

To be fair on her, why should she offer to contribute when you've said yourself that you can afford it? Do you mean for those less well off that can't afford it? If you mean for yourself, then I'm sorry, but yes that is tight.

orangeslimes

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

To be fair on her, why should she offer to contribute when you've said yourself that you can afford it? Do you mean for those less well off that can't afford it? If you mean for yourself, then I'm sorry, but yes that is tight.

I mean for others. She has subsidised someone before without telling them, but she would know I'm being tight and will tell me not to be silly-might buy me a drink. Which is why I wont say anything like that. I might make the point about checking budge before deciding.

I will go and I am happy for her. Its just an issue that comes up now and again with these friends so interested in other perspectives.

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

If I had a hen party I would have it in the city where I live where I could put people up so the main cost would be limited to travel and drinks/maybe a meal, as not all my friends are well off (no plans to get married though).

Well that sounds like fun, or like any other normal night out? The whole point of these things is that you go to some other town so you don't run into a load of people you know when drunk off your trolley - the hen doesn't want word getting back to her fiance if she snogs someone does she? And staying in someone's home after a big night out like that? The whole point is that you can just pack up from a hotel and get away.

Sounds like your mate has the right idea to me.