The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

Lily_Rose

A very good morning to you all .

AF unfortunately arrived like clockwork.

I went to the NHS appt as it's been over 3 years TTC, it was the same doctor that I saw about hysteroscopy back in Feb that was rude to me! But I don't think she remembered me as she was very kind and sympathetic this time. She states she is going to fast track us for IVF.

The morning of the IVF I happen to read up on treatment with the local CCG and treatment has been reduced from 2 free cycles to just the 1. Also I read that if you have had any fertility treatment before then you won't meet the criteria...that was a shock but the doctor didn't ask me anything so I think we will see if anything happens. I did get a little teary and mentioned OH is suffering (he has rheumatoid arthritis) from extremely swollen joints due to being off his normal meds for almost 4 years! I think that's why the doc said she would fast track us?

Anyway, we booked another appt with the FC and will discuss the treatment dates/drugs etc, wait until AF starts again (on the pill) which should happen at the end of the month and then go from there.

Starting to feel a little stressed as I want to book dates off work as they were a bit funny with me taking time off work at such notice last time, plus I don't want to tell them about treatment! But we won't know what dates will be required...I will hope to start acupuncture again as I think that helped keep me calm.

Hope everyone is ok x

Lily_Rose

Hello all,

Not sure if anyone is still about, just thought I'd update. We have EC tomorrow, apparently 12 follies were seen - just hope there are at least 9 eggs as this is how much we got last time.

We also saw NHS consultant last month and she referred me for IVF, we actually have an appointment with CREATE at the end of next month! Which we could have seen this month had we not already had this cycle in plac just hoping we are preggars so that we won't need to attend!

I hope everyone is well and enjoying the weather x

kate5555

Hi lilyrose

I'm still here, nothing to update myself though. How did the EC go - hopefully by now you will have had a transfer? Fingers crossed for you and hope you are well and not feeling stressed xx

Lily_Rose

Hi Kate,

Yes we had ET last Weds, they collected 12 eggs. We went for ICSI this time, 9 fertilised but at day 1 post collection only 2 were left (we had 5 by day 3 last time so unsure whether we would have been better off with just IVF), so they booked us in for day 2 transfer.

They said the eggs were good quality - one was 5 cells (uniform) and the other 4 cells (not as uniform). Currently on day 8 after 2 day transfer, PT is next Weds.

I feel different this time. I wasnt bloated last time (I look about 5 months gone,if only it were true!), my nips are sore, Im really thirsty (maybw the heat getting to me?) and really tired - dont want to look to deep into it for obvious reasons.

I had the endo scratch again (I thought it was quite painful as they use a catheter type thing to scratch your lining about 10 times for me but didnt take painkiller for it) and embryo glue. Have you had your scratch? Have you started treatment yet as I recall you were going to start in Aug?

Xxx

Lina_T

Please can I join this thread?

We've been trying since November 2015 (2 years and 8 months). We've undergone investigations and have been referred for IVF but are trying to conceive naturally in the meantime. I'm finding it all very, very difficult emotionally.

I actually fell pregnant for the first time recently but had a miscarriage in May at only 5 weeks, so despite the upset, at least we know we're capable of conceiving.

I'm on CD13 at the moment and waiting to ovulate.

cwtw

Good luck Lily Rose - hopefully tomorrow is your day!

Welcome Lina - infertility sucks, but you’re definitely not alone.

I’ve just tested and had an unsuccessful cycle. Boo. Am so grateful that we had a success two years ago now but really wanted a two year age gap between babies. Oh well, it wasn’t meant to be. Off to have a quiet cry and then throw myself into another day.

Good luck everyone x

Lily_Rose

Hi everyone, I'm afraid bad news. We got another BFN. I wasn't even sad about it as I knew deep down that it would be negative. I felt numb at the time and as I was driving to work I just wanted to plough into a tree.

I feel like I have wasted our money trying. I have never had a positive before. I feel so drained. I feel like a failure of not being able to conceive. Just waiting for AF to rear it's ugly head

I'm not sure know how I will cope but at least we have an appt with create at the end of next month so see how that goes...has anyone ever had counselling before?

Good luck Lina and cwtw x

skaps

So sorry to hear that.
I know how down the whole process can make you feel. I didn't have counselling but I think it can't hurt to try. That's good that you have an appointment soon. Take care of yourself. Xxx

pinkteapot

Lily_Rose - I used to be active on this thread when we were in treatment etc and now I just lurk like a proper weirdo and pop up from time to time.

I had my IVF BFN almost four years ago (how is it that long?!) and I know it's going to be of very little comfort at all but I promise you, you will get through this. Through this journey you'll learn you are stronger than you ever imagined.

These first few days are just horrific. Be gentle to yourself. Do what feels right - don't worry if you cancel some social plans because you don't fancy them, or anything like that. Pasting a smile on and hanging out with people who don't know what's happening to you is the worst!

You're still riddled with all the hormones from treatment at the mo which makes everything feel even worse. I clearly remember driving to work feeling exactly the same as you did, then just sitting in the car park in floods of tears, not wanting to go in. I haven't had counselling either but I wonder whether I should have, or still should. It can't hurt to try it, and your clinic should provide it (I think they have to).

Lily_Rose

Good morning all

Pinkteapot, thank you for your kind words. It was very difficult as shortly after, my grandad passed away...of course the hormones still my body did not help.

I am sorry for being ignorant/nosey and I am not trying to open up old wounds. pink, skaps and cwtw are you still trying?

Lina and kate - are you currently having reatment?

I have counselling booked in a few days time, not too sure what to expect.

Yesterday was a busy day, we had our follow up appt following bfn on 2nd round as well first appt at new clinic in London (NHS referral). At follow up, we just got the 'we don't know what happened, the embroyos were good quality and should have implanted....on the balance of probabilities it is likely to be an egg quality issue if you can recall I have low AMH...anyway we told them where we were referred to only to be told that out of the 5 clinics the one we chose waa the worse - wasn't according to the HFEA website. I was on the highest dose (450iu) but was told this isn't the reason why the egg quality would be poor. He pretty much emphasised that I have poor egg quality and despite this would still proceed with the same protocol and dose. He also suggested egg donar which I thought was too premature to atart thinking.

At the new clinic, the consultant told us we have 1 fresh and 2 frozen attempts with NHS, she was really optimistic saying they would hope for 5-7 eggs and based on my 'young age' (which I hate!!!) that my ovaries and eggs should be in good nick...well obviously they don't know my AMH level yet so I will be waiting for the call next week about it...I didn't want to say that we had 2 private treatments in case (selfish of me) they take it away but also to see how they do things differently or similarly to the previous clinic.

My question really is...how do you know when to stop trying and possibly think about adopting?

Sorry about this long dissertation, I really must post more frequently.